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ng； it's that He's a loving God。 He doesn't I slay His children…though； for His own reasons。 He some times lets them suffer adversities that we don't understand； i She might have died bearing anyone's child。 I don't think she was singled out because she dared to love a man God： intended as His own。〃
As he looked out at the rain again； remembering what it had cost him to truly believe what he had just said； Dhugal snorted and turned away； shoulders rigid with rebellion。
〃I understand what you're feeling；〃 Duncan said； after a few seconds。 〃In some ways； you may be right。 It may well be that God was testing me…and that I did； indeed； fail。 For a while； after I heard she'd died； I used to think so。 But now I wonder if there wasn't another reason He brought me ' and Maryse together。 He still wanted me for His own； but… maybe that's the only way you could be born。〃
〃Me？〃
As Dhugal turned to stare at him aghast； Duncan smiled gently。
〃You're so like Alaric sometimes。 He's another who 1 doesn't like to think he's been the subject of Heaven's special attention。 Ask him sometime； if you don't believe me。〃
〃Well； it does take some getting used to。〃
〃Why？ Don't you think God has a plan for each of us？〃
〃Well； of course；〃 Dhugal said unfortably。 〃But only in a general sort of way。 We have free will〃
〃To an extent；〃 Duncan agreed。 〃But what was my will； set against the will of God； Dhugal？ He wanted me to be His priest。 I'm not sure I ever had a choice in the matter…not really。 Not that I mind；〃 he added。 〃Not now； at any rate； and not for many years…though I certainly minded after your mother's death。
〃But there's a certain heady fort in knowing one has been chosen； warts and all。 I don't know why He wanted me so badly； but other than that one brief flare…up of rebellion…which may have been all in His plan anyway…I've been content in His service。 No； more than content。 He's brought me joy。 And one of my greatest joys； though I didn't know it for a long； long time； is that He let me sire you… and all without promising His honor。〃
Dhugal； much moved； turned awkwardly to gaze out the window again； all but blinking back tears。
〃What about His laws？〃 he asked after a moment。 〃The ones that forbid Deryni to seek the priesthood。〃
〃Laws are written by men； Dhugal； even if God inspires them… Sometimes men misunderstand。〃
Dhugal glanced sidelong at his father。
〃What if Maryse hadn't died； though？ Would you still have bee a priest？ For that matter； did she know what you were？〃
〃That I was Deryni？ Of course。 I told her that afternoon； before we were wed。〃
〃And she didn't mind？〃
〃Did she mind？ Of course not。 To her； it was the same kind of odd but useful talent as the second sight some of your borderers have…just a bit more diverse。 I'm not sure she ever quite understood what all the fuss was about； though she knew it could mean my death if I were discovered。 The border folk have always been a mystical people。 Perhaps the terrible persecution of Deryni in the lowlands 'never quite reached the same proportions in the borders and highlands。〃
〃Aye； that's true enough；〃 Dhugal agreed。 〃But you faiyen't answered my other question。 What would you have done； if she hadn't died？〃
Curiosity about what might have been； loyalty to the nether Dhugal had never really known…Duncan could hardly fault his son for any of that； but neither could he really give an answer。 How was he to explain； without shattering whatever idealism might remain to this keen…eyed young man who had already lived so much and in such adversity？
〃I honestly don't know； Dhugal…and believe me； I asked myself the same question many times in those early years。〃 He twisted the bishop's ring on his hand as he went on。 〃The reality is that it would have been several years； at least； before the bitterness between our two clans had died down enough that we could acknowledge our marriage openly。 Maryse's pregnancy would have been seen as a dishonor to her clan； even if she'd told her mother we were really married…which she may have done； since it was your grandmother who saw that you eventually got the cloak clasp I'd given Maryse as a bridal token。 And there's no telling how long it might have been before she could get word to me。 As it was； she never did。〃
He sighed。 〃In any case； because of the circumstances； you probably would have been brought up as a son of her mother； regardless…the easiest immediate way to cover up a daughter's increasingly apparent indiscretion and save the honor of the clan。 You were old Caulay's grandson； after all； even if you weren't his son。 And he'd just lost a son。 In time； when anger eventually cooled between the two clans； there would have been no problem acknowledging the marriage and you。〃
〃And would you have？〃 Dhugal persisted。
Duncan shrugged。 〃We'll never know； will we？ I entered the university at Grecotha in the fall； as planned。 Not to have done so would have aroused suspicion…and besides； I loved the academic life。 But I delayed taking my vows； waiting for the bad blood between the clans to dissipate。
〃Then； when I heard the news the next summer…that she'd died of a fever…there was no reason not to go ahead and make my profession； no reason to suspect you even existed。 I grieved and I raged at heaven over the injustice of it； but life went on。 I was tonsured at Michaelmas； and soon the memory of my brief flirtation with a secular life had taken on the aspect of a pleasant but fleeting dream。〃 He looked directly at Dhugal； catching the…amber eyes with his blue ones。 〃Does it bother you that I can't say； 'Yes； Dhugal； I definitely would have acknowledged the marriage and the son I didn't know I had'？〃
〃I…suppose not；〃 Dhugal said in a small voice。 〃As you said before； we'll never know。〃 He swallowed noisily and raised his chin higher； but he could not sustain eye contact。
〃There's something else I have to ask； though；〃 he said。 〃And in light of how things have turned out； perhaps it's even more important。〃
〃I'll answer if I can； son。〃
〃You went ahead and made your vows。 You became a priest。 But you knew you were Deryni。〃
〃Well； of course； but…〃
〃Why do you continue to deny what you did； then； and what you are？〃 Dhugal blurted； turning to gaze at his father with the unpromising eyes of youth。 〃You're Deryni and you're a priest。 And you're a good priest！ You've proven by many years of faithful and righteous service that the two are not inpatible。 There were Deryni priests before the Restoration； for God's sake； and they were good ones； too！〃
〃That's true；〃 Duncan whispered。
〃Then； why don't you admit it？ Why keep playing these games of not answering either way？ What can they do to you？〃
Duncan could feel his heart pounding like a battering ram at the walls of his chest and he prayed Dhugal would drop the line of questioning。
〃There are a great many things they could do； son。〃
〃But they won't。 They didn't。 Some of the bishops know； and all of them surely suspect。 You heard Wolfram today！ And they knew it before they elected you a bishop。〃
〃Yes； and Edmund Loris knew； too；〃 Duncan retorted； lists clenching involuntarily as the memory of the renegade archbishop's tortures loomed unbeckoned in his