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'And tonight's star guest。 Mr Mystery himself。 e on down。'
An ethereal Hammond organ； of a generation now mercifully gone to dust； made with the showtime fanfares。 Lights flashed。 The special star buzzer buzzed and a section of ceiling drifted down。 Bearing upon it the famous Mastermind chair。 Perched upon this and making with the Royal hand waves sat 。。。
'Jspht；' said Fergus Shaman。 'Jovil Jspht。'
'Fergus；' said Jovil。 'This is a surprise。'
'Mr Shaman to you。 But how？ What？ You can't be here。 You're back in 1958。 How can you？ Oh dear； oh dear； oh dear。。。'
Jovil held up his waving hand。 'All in good time；' he checked his watch。 'Now I think I'm right in supposing that。。。'
A station menial of deathly aspect burst into the boardroom of Earthers Inc。 'Mr Madoc；' he wailed。 'Mr Madoc； the virus； the virus。 It has caught us up。。。' He might have had more to say； but he didn't get the chance。 He was trampled to oblivion beneath the mad lemming dash for the window。
'And so it's good night to all our viewers on Phnaargos；' said Jovil。 'You won't forget to turn off your sets now； will you？'
'You haven't；' gasped Fergus。
'Have too。 The Earthers just went off the air；'
'God's nose；' Fergus slumped into the nearest seat。
'Get off；' Gloria protested。
'I'm sorry to show my ignorance；' said Rex。 'But should I know this person？'
'That's the alien who jumped me back in fifty…eight。' Elvis gestured with his weapons。 'I nearly cashed in my chips at the Bates Motel because of him。 Luckily Barry threw in his lot with me and hauled me out in the nick of time。'
'Then how can he？'
'Honestly； Rex；' Jesus smiled again。 Rex felt new hair sprouting on his head。 'You really should have reasoned it out by now；'
'I should？'
'It's all right there in your pocket；'
'It is？' Rex patted at his multiple pocketry。 One bulged。 He unzipped it。 'The Book；' he said； recalling； as will the reader； that he had left it behind； hidden in his apartment。 'The Suburban Book of the Dead。'
'I've been here all along in the sub…plot； just like the Good Lord told you；' Jovil said。 'I got marooned back in fifty…eight。 But I could hardly die there； could I？ I hadn't even been born yet； back then；' Heads nodded thoughtfully。 Thoughts nodded doubtfully。 'So with my advanced knowledge I built an empire。 And with more than a little Divine guidance pieced a certain thing together。 And I was in on the genesis of this place。 My money built it。 I designed the MOTHER puter； the lot。 I went pletely underground when the big bang came in 1999。 The Phnaargs never knew it but I was the virus in their system。 By sending me back in time they had poisoned their own storage beds。 I never killed that operative； the system did it。 As I moved forward in time； changing the past； the cells mutated。 Now I am here； and so their whole system has collapsed； bio…feedback。'
'So where have you been for the last fifty years？' Rex asked。
'Up there； sitting in cryogenic suspension。 We Phnaargs are of vegetable origin； you know。 I've been in cold storage。 Just waiting for the big day to thaw out。'
'Big day？' Rex gazed down at his battered book。
'Sure； when the big secret would be disclosed。 You've read the book； what do you think it is？'
'I've tried to read it。 But from what I can gather it all seems to be some kind of quest。 A search for something which was never found。'
'He found it。' Jovil pointed towards Dan； who was seeking invisibility with no apparent success。
'Oh； I'm in this again； am I？' croaked the stinker。 'And what did I find； pray tell me； do？'
'It's all in Rex's book。 The book you killed his uncle to get your hands on。 The location of the K carbon containing the Ultimate Secret of the Universe。' （What else？ Rex thought。） 'It was the last item checked in by the Department Of Antiquities。 After you had it you closed down the mission。 So why didn't you use it？'
'Sorry to disappoint you； but I closed the mission down because they were all on the fiddle。 Of Universal Secrets my cupboard is bare。'
All faces now turned back to Jovil Jspht。
'I think not。' Jovil sprang from his chair like the legendary sleuth of old； plunged across the room and drew the SUN recording from the holophon。
'Hey； shit；' said Elvis； as the thing passed him by at dose quarters； 'that looks like one of mine。'
'And a load of old brain damage it is too。 Remember my eyeballs； Gloria？'
'I' m not speaking to you；' that lady replied。 'You're not nice。'
…'Well； whacky stuff it may be。 But Secret of the Universe it ain't。'
'Oh no？ Well that's where you're wrong； schmucko。' Jovil turned the plasticized disc between his fingers。 'Because you have been playing the wrong side。' Great roars of applause from the bunker…bound '。。。Foiled again。' Dan struck his fist into his palm and made with the melodrama。 'Do leave me out。 Secret of the Universe； if you please。' The only person looking in his direction was Ms Vrillium。 'I ask you；' said Dan。
'Shitbag；' the woman with the perfect waistline replied。
Jovil held the record's flip…side towards Rex。 'You know old English； Rex； what does it say？'
Rex perused it。 Faintly etched upon the ancient vinyl was a pentade enclosed within two circles and between these a single word： TETRAGRAMMATON。
Rex spelt it out。 Those who were in the know went Blimey； Cor； and things of that nature。 Those who weren't； and this included Rex； asked； 'What's a Tetra…grammaton； when he she or it is at home？'
'Tetragrammaton；' sighed Christeen； who could feel another 2000 years of obscurity ing on。 'The four syllables which pose the unknowable name of God。 A name so sacred that none may know it。 To speak the name is to unlock the ultimate power in the universe。'
'Some big number；' said Elvis。
'Got the edge on killer maggots； eh Fergus？' Fergus nodded。 It was all well beyond him。
'But you couldn't know this；' Christeen stared at Jovil Jspht； who wilted visibly beneath her gaze。 'No…one can know this。 That is the point。'
Dan was searching for an exit。 None was readily at hand。
'Ask your brother；' said Jovil。 'He put me up to it。 He was the brains behind the whole operation。'
Jesus shrugged modestly； he knew no other way。 'What did I preach？' he asked。 'Love and peace。 And I tried really hard in the 1960s to get it across。 It was all there in the music； Jovil and I saw to that。 You only had to listen。 And perhaps turn on a little； but that is neither here nor there。 Some did； of course； but not enough。 So I had Jovil programme a tiny piece of the jigsaw into all of it。 Into the music。 And it got pieced back together by a chosen few。 It's all in there。 All you have to do is play it。'
'The name of God；' said Rex。 Impressed was hardly the word。
'The Name。 The Sound。 The Universal Note。 It was always there in all the world's music。 You only had to listen。 All the universe is posed of a single note。 All atoms and all molecules are but vibrations of a single note。 The big note。 The Buddha sussed it out。 Which makes the present incarnation of this blighter' … Dan flinched … 'all the more perverse。'
'And where； exactly；