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this blighter' … Dan flinched … 'all the more perverse。'
'And where； exactly； does this leave me？' asked Christeen sulkily。 'Out of the picture again I suppose。'
Jesus shook his head。 You should have seen it； a picture； I kid you not。 'It's here。' A small black book appeared in his hand。 He offered it to Christeen。 'Even now a baby moves within you。 Rex's child。 You are to be the mother of Mankind。'
'Another TV series？' Christeen took the book。 It was entitled The Third Testament。 She opened it。 The pages were blank。
'No more series；' said Jesus。 'Dad may have a sense of humour but he also has a sense of justice。 You can write it yourself。 Put the record on； Rex。 Play us a tune。'
Rex's fingers trembled。 He was going to bee the father to a child whose grandfather was。。。 'Yes；' said Rex Mundi； who still hadn't figured out what his name really meant。 'Put the record on； indeed。' He placed it reverently upon the turntable。 'What are the settings？' he asked。
'Play Loud；' Jesus replied。 'That's the way we did it back in the sixties。' Nice fellow； the future brother…in…law； thought Rex。
And I saw a new Heaven and a new Earth； for the old Heaven and the old Earth were passed away。
Revelation 21：1
And the word of the Tetragrammaton played upon the turntable。 And God said； Let there be light and there was light。 And was it a sound？ Was it a note？ Was it a something？ It was Hendrix at Woodstock as the sun was rising。 The Stones in Hyde Park。 Pink Floyd at The Roundhouse。 The Grateful Dead at Winterland； San Francisco。 It was Beefheart at his best。 And it was all those marvellous moments you ever had all rolled into a great big one。
It was hard to describe really。 You know that amazing bit at the end of 'Day in the Life'？ It was a bit like that； only much more so。
The Universal Note。 I mean； like； Wow man。
At Earthers Inc。 the cone of light faded and died。 The circuits fused and the network closed down。 The great spiral tower sagged and fell。
'And that's all the thanks I get；' mumbled Mungo； as he of the Nose Divine； a not inconsiderable deity in his own right but hardly on a par with the Big Figure； squeezed his pimple and saturated the Phnaargian universe with you know what。
On Earth a great wind tore across the sky。 The clouds flew before it。 They rolled back； drew themselves into a swirling vortex and spun into the heavens。 The sun shown down upon the tortured landscape。 And a cry went up。 Bunker doors opened upon the new day。 Pale faces gazed toward the sky。 Blinking and wondering； the denizens of the sub…world crept forth to view the new world。 For already the world was turning。 The irradiated wastes were vanishing。 Lush fields spread to every side； rivers flowed； trees rose and blossomed。 That which had been done was undone。 The gates of the city were open to the fingers of the sun。
It was now or never for the ex…High Lama。 Dan made a break for it。 He grabbed Gloria about the throat and dragged her towards the lift door。 Elvis spun around and let fly。 Beams of fire ripped across the room； wreaking havoc。 Dan thrust Gloria into Elvis。 'You haven't heard the last of me；' he cried in the traditional manner。 Fergus Shaman shot him in the backside。 The lift doors opened and Dan staggered through them into the waiting knives and forks of Rambo and Eric。
'The main course。' Rambo raised his filleting knife and did something quite unprintable。 The lift doors closed mercifully upon it。
'That isn't exactly in the script；' said Jesus。 'But it does have a certain charm。 I think we'll leave it in。'
'Shall I be mother？' came the muffled voice of Death…blade Eric。
Jesus turned to Christeen。 'It's all up to you now。 You and Rex。 Make it right this time。' And without even waiting for a thank you； he vanished。 Which was just like him； wouldn't you say？
'Well；' said Rex； the way that formerly only the great Jack Benny had been able to say it； 'what a day this has been。'
'Started poorly but finished well；' Fergus added。 'Although I'm not exactly sure where it leaves me。'
'Redundant；' said Jovil Jspht。 'I think you will find that we are no longer required。'
'I haven't a spaceship any more；' Fergus plained。 'And even if I had。。。'
'I have；' said Jovil。 'The top of this pyramid。 Designed it myself。 Works on a principle which even I conclude is scarcely credible。 But who cares； eh？ Shall we away； new worlds to conquer and that kind of thing？'
'Sounds good to me。' Fergus waved his farewells； but as everyone seemed to be gazing out of the windows； oohing and aahing； they were largely ignored。 'Do you think we will find a planet where all the ladies have big 。。 。' His words were lost as the Mastermind chair carried him and Jovil aloft。
Rex took Christeen in his arms。 Violins welled in the background。 No doubt a wedding present from the brother。 Christeen smiled up at Rex and kissed him。 An old couple in a bunker who had only just switched on said； 'Ah； bless 'em。' Christeen turned her face toward Elvis who was scuffing his advanced footware upon the carpet。 'What of you？' she asked。 The King shrugged。
'Back to 1958； I guess。' His voice lacked any enthusiasm。
'You going to take the draft； then？' Rex posed the question。
'Can't see that I have a lot of choice。 This was all preordained； wasn't it？' Christeen nodded。
''Fraid so chief；' the Time Sprout agreed。
'The thing that really peeves me；' said Elvis； 'is that I e across real two…dimensional in all this。 No depth of character； d'you know what I mean？'
'But you never had any real depth of character； chief。 You're one shallow son of a gun。'
'Guess so；' Elvis shrugged。 'Rich and pretty； though。'
'So it can't all be bad； can it； chief？ And anyway； sprouts can't really travel through time。 I'm just a figment of your imagination。 All this is just an illusion for you。 You won't remember any of it； once you're back in fifty…eight。'
'What a bummer。 I gotta do all that bad stuff again and no…one ever gets to know what a hero I really was。'
'We know；' said Christeen。
'Yeah； I guess you do。 Uh； and just a couple of things before I go。' The look of enlightenment was once more upon the King's face。
'Oh yes？' said Rex； who had seen it before。
'Right；' said Elvis。 'Now； if that cat Jovil has spent the last fifty years in cold storage； how could he also have been on Phnaargos when they sent him back in time to get me？ And if the Dalai had been all those other people through history； how e he never knew who I was？ All that SUN baloney。 And I'll have you know that Heartbreak Hotel was recorded on RCA。 So that SUN disc is a phoney； which probably means that all this is a。。。'
'e on； chief；' chirruped the sprout。 'We really must be going。。。' And in a flash they were。
Rex and Christeen were left alone。 Above them the pyramid's pinnacle broke away and roared off into the sky。 'Big boobies；' said Fergus。 'I'm sorry to keep on； but it's something of a fixation。'
'To boldly go；' Jovil told him； 'where no Phnaarg has ever gone before。'
'If the disc is a fake and Jovil couldn't be in two places at once；' said Rex。 'Doesn't this mean that all this。。。'