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mother told me when I was young。〃
〃Why； what did she tell you？〃
〃I don't know； I didn't listen。〃
〃Oh。〃 Ford carried on humming。
〃This is terrific；〃 Arthur thought to himself； 〃Nelson's Column has gone； McDonald's have gone； all that's left is me and the words Mostly Harmless。 Any second now all that will be left is Mostly Harmless。 And yesterday the planet seemed to be going so well。〃
A motor whirred。
A slight hiss built into a deafening roar of rushing air as the outer hatchway opened on to an empty blackness studded with tiny impossibly bright points of light。 Ford and Arthur popped into outer space like corks from a toy gun。
Chapter 8
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book。 It has been piled and repiled many times over many years and under many different editorships。 It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers。
The introduction begins like this：
〃Space；〃 it says； 〃is big。 Really big。 You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindboggingly big it is。 I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist； but that's just peanuts to space。 Listen。。。〃 and so on。
（After a while the style settles down a bit and it begins to tell you things you really need to know； like the fact that the fabulously beautiful planet Bethselamin is now so worried about the cumulative erosion by ten billion visiting tourists a year that any net imbalance between the amount you eat and the amount you excrete whilst on the planet is surgically removed from your bodyweight when you leave： so every time you go to the lavatory it is vitally important to get a receipt。）
To be fair though； when confronted by the sheer enormity of distances between the stars； better minds than the one responsible for the Guide's introduction have faltered。 Some invite you to consider for a moment a peanut in reading and a small walnut in Johannesburg； and other such dizzying concepts。
The simple truth is that interstellar distances will not fit into the human imagination。
Even light； which travels so fast that it takes most races thousands of years to realize that it travels at all； takes time to journey between the stars。 It takes eight minutes from the star Sol to the place where the Earth used to be； and four years more to arrive at Sol's nearest stellar neighbour； Alpha Proxima。
For light to reach the other side of the Galaxy； for it to reach Damogran for instance； takes rather longer： five hundred thousand years。
The record for hitch hiking this distance is just under five years； but you don't get to see much on the way。
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy says that if you hold a lungful of air you can survive in the total vacuum of space for about thirty seconds。 However it goes on to say that what with space being the mind boggling size it is the chances of getting picked up by another ship within those thirty seconds are two to the power of two hundred and sixty…seven thousand seven hundred and nine to one against。
By a totally staggering coincidence that is also the telephone number of an Islington flat where Arthur once went to a very good party and met a very nice girl whom he totally failed to get off with … she went off with a gatecrasher。
Though the planet Earth； the Islington flat and the telephone have all now been demolished； it is forting to reflect that they are all in some small way memorated by the fact that twenty…nine seconds later Ford and Arthur were rescued。
Chapter 9
A puter chatted to itself in alarm as it noticed an airlock open and close itself for no apparent reason。
This was because Reason was in fact out to lunch。
A hole had just appeared in the Galaxy。 It was exactly a nothingth of a second long； a nothingth of an inch wide； and quite a lot of million light years from end to end。
As it closed up lots of paper hats and party balloons fell out of it and drifted off through the universe。 A team of seven three…foot…high market analysts fell out of it and died； partly of asphyxication； partly of surprise。
Two hundred and thirty…nine thousand lightly fried eggs fell out of it too； materializing in a large woobly heap on the famine…struck land of Poghril in the Pansel system。
The whole Poghril tribe had died out from famine except for one last man who died of cholesterol poisoning some weeks later。
The nothingth of a second for which the hole existed reverberated backwards and forwards through time in a most improbable fashion。 Somewhere in the deeply remote past it seriously traumatized a small random group of atoms drifting through the empty sterility of space and made them cling together in the most extraordinarily unlikely patterns。 These patterns quickly learnt to copy themselves （this was part of what was so extraordinary of the patterns） and went on to cause massive trouble on every planet they drifted on to。 That was how life began in the Universe。
Five wild Event Maelstroms swirled in vicious storms of unreason and spewed up a pavement。
On the pavement lay Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent gulping like half…spent fish。
〃There you are；〃 gasped Ford； scrabbling for a fingerhold on the pavement as it raced through the Third Reach of the Unknown； 〃I told you I'd think of something。〃
〃Oh sure；〃 said Arthur； 〃sure。〃
〃Bright idea of mine；〃 said Ford； 〃to find a passing spaceship and get rescued by it。〃
The real universe arched sickeningly away beneath them。 Various pretend ones flitted silently by； like mountain goats。 Primal light exploded； splattering space…time as with gobbets of junket。 Time blossomed； matter shrank away。 The highest prime number coalesced quietly in a corner and hid itself away for ever。
〃Oh e off it；〃 said Arthur； 〃the chances against it were astronomical。〃
〃Don't knock it； it worked；〃 said Ford。 〃What sort of ship are we in？〃 asked Arthur as the pit of eternity yawned beneath them。
〃I don't know；〃 said Ford； 〃I haven't opened my eyes yet。〃
〃No； nor have I；〃 said Arthur。
The Universe jumped； froze； quivered and splayed out in several unexpected directions。
Arthur and Ford opened their eyes and looked about in considerable surprise。
〃Good god；〃 said Arthur； 〃it looks just like the sea front at Southend。〃
〃Hell； I'm relieved to hear you say that；〃 said Ford。
〃Why？〃
〃Because I thought I must be going mad。〃
〃Perhaps you are。 Perhaps you only thought I said it。〃
Ford thought about this。
〃Well； did you say it or didn't you？〃 he asked。
〃I think so；〃 said Arthur。
〃Well； perhaps we're both going mad。〃
〃Yes；〃 said Arthur； 〃we'd be mad； all things considered； to think this was Southend。〃
〃Well； do you think this is Southend？〃
〃Oh yes。〃
〃So do I。〃
〃Therefore we must be mad。〃
〃Nice day for it。〃
〃Yes；〃 said a passing maniac。
〃Who was that？〃 asked Arthur
〃Who … the man with the five heads and the elderberry bush full of kippers？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃I don't know。 Just someone。〃
〃Ah。〃
They both sat on the pavement and watched with a certain unease as hu