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〃Do you really enjoy this sort of thing？〃 he asked suddenly。
The Vogon stopped dead and a look of immense stupidity seeped slowly over his face。
〃Enjoy？〃 he boomed。 〃What do you mean？〃
〃What I mean；〃 said Ford； 〃is does it give you a full satisfying life？ Stomping around； shouting； pushing people out of spaceships。。。〃
The Vogon stared up at the low steel ceiling and his eyebrows almost rolled over each other。 His mouth slacked。 Finally he said； 〃Well the hours are good。。。〃
〃They'd have to be；〃 agreed Ford。
Arthur twisted his head to look at Ford。
〃Ford； what are you doing？〃 he asked in an amazed whisper。
〃Oh； just trying to take an interest in the world around me； OK？〃 he said。 〃So the hours are pretty good then？〃 he resumed。
The Vogon stared down at him as sluggish thoughts moiled around in the murky depths。
〃Yeah；〃 he said； 〃but now you e to mention it； most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy。 Except。。。〃 he thought again； which required looking at the ceiling … 〃except some of the shouting I quite like。〃 He filled his lungs and bellowed； 〃Resistance is。。。〃
〃Sure； yes；〃 interrupted Ford hurriedly； 〃you're good at that； I can tell。 But if it's mostly lousy；〃 he said； slowly giving the words time to reach their mark； 〃then why do you do it？ What is it？ The girls？ The leather？ The machismo？ Or do you just find that ing to terms with the mindless tedium of it all presents an interesting challenge？〃
〃Er。。。〃 said the guard； 〃er。。。 er。。。 I dunno。 I think I just sort of。。。 do it really。 My aunt said that spaceship guard was a good career for a young Vogon … you know； the uniform； the low…slung stun ray holster； the mindless tedium。。。〃
〃There you are Arthur；〃 said Ford with the air of someone reaching the conclusion of his argument； 〃you think you've got problems。〃
Arthur rather thought he had。 Apart from the unpleasant business with his home planet the Vogon guard had half…throttled him already and he didn't like the sound of being thrown into space very much。
〃Try and understand his problem；〃 insisted Ford。 〃Here he is poor lad； his entire life's work is stamping around； throwing people off spaceships。。。〃
〃And shouting；〃 added the guard。
〃And shouting； sure；〃 said Ford patting the blubbery arm clamped round his neck in friendly condescension； 〃。。。 and he doesn't even know why he's doing it！〃
Arthur agreed this was very sad。 He did this with a small feeble gesture； because he was too asphyxicated to speak。
Deep rumblings of bemusement came from the guard。
〃Well。 Now you put it like that I suppose。。。〃
〃Good lad！〃 encouraged Ford。
〃But alright；〃 went on the rumblings； 〃so what's the alternative？〃
〃Well；〃 said Ford； brightly but slowly； 〃stop doing it of course！ Tell them；〃 he went on； 〃you're not going to do it anymore。〃 He felt he had to add something to that； but for the moment the guard seemed to have his mind occupied pondering that much。
〃Eerrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm。。。〃 said the guard； 〃erm； well that doesn't sound that great to me。〃
Ford suddenly felt the moment slipping away。
〃Now wait a minute；〃 he said； 〃that's just the start you see； there's more to it than that you see。。。〃
But at that moment the guard renewed his grip and continued his original purpose of lugging his prisoners to the airlock。 He was obviously quite touched。
〃No； I think if it's all the same to you；〃 he said； 〃I'd better get you both shoved into this airlock and then go and get on with some other bits of shouting I've got to do。〃
It wasn't all the same to Ford Prefect after all。
〃e on now。。。 but look！〃 he said； less slowly； less brightly。
〃Huhhhhgggggggnnnnnnn。。。〃 said Arthur without any clear inflection。
〃But hang on；〃 pursued Ford； 〃there's music and art and things to tell you about yet！ Arrrggghhh！〃
〃Resistance is useless；〃 bellowed the guard； and then added； 〃You see if I keep it up I can eventually get promoted to Senior Shouting Officer； and there aren't usually many vacancies for non…shouting and non…pushing…people…about officers； so I think I'd better stick to what I know。〃
They had now reached the airlock … a large circular steel hatchway of massive strength and weight let into the inner skin of the craft。 The guard operated a control and the hatchway swung smoothly open。
〃But thanks for taking an interest；〃 said the Vogon guard。 〃Bye now。〃 He flung Ford and Arthur through the hatchway into the small chamber within。 Arthur lay panting for breath。 Ford scrambled round and flung his shoulder uselessly against the reclosing hatchway。
〃But listen；〃 he shouted to the guard； 〃there's a whole world you don't know anything about。。。 here how about this？〃 Desperately he grabbed for the only bit of culture he knew offhand … he hummed the first bar of Beethoven's Fifth。
〃Da da da dum！ Doesn't that stir anything in you？〃
〃No；〃 said the guard； 〃not really。 But I'll mention it to my aunt。〃
If he said anything further after that it was lost。 The hatchway sealed itself tight； and all sound was lost but the faint distant hum of the ship's engines。
They were in a brightly polished cylindrical chamber about six feet in diameter and ten feet long。
〃Potentially bright lad I thought；〃 he said and slumped against the curved wall。
Arthur was still lying in the curve of the floor where he had fallen。 He didn't look up。 He just lay panting。
〃We're trapped now aren't we？〃
〃Yes；〃 said Ford； 〃we're trapped。〃
〃Well didn't you think of anything？ I thought you said you were going to think of something。 Perhaps you thought of something and didn't notice。〃
〃Oh yes； I thought of something；〃 panted Ford。 Arthur looked up expectantly。
〃But unfortunately；〃 continued Ford； 〃it rather involved being on the other side of this airtight hatchway。〃 He kicked the hatch they'd just been through。
〃But it was a good idea was it？〃
〃Oh yes； very neat。〃
〃What was it？〃
〃Well I hadn't worked out the details yet。 Not much point now is there？〃
〃So。。。 er； what happens next？〃
〃Oh； er； well the hatchway in front of us will open automatically in a few moments and we will shoot out into deep space I expect and asphyxicate。 If you take a lungful of air with you you can last for up to thirty seconds of course。。。〃 said Ford。 He stuck his hands behind his back； raised his eyebrows and started to hum an old Betelgeusian battle hymn。 To Arthur's eyes he suddenly looked very alien。
〃So this is it；〃 said Arthur； 〃we're going to die。〃
〃Yes；〃 said Ford； 〃except。。。 no！ Wait a minute！〃 he suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision。 〃What's this switch？〃 he cried。
〃What？ Where？〃 cried Arthur twisting round。
〃No； I was only fooling；〃 said Ford； 〃we are going to die after all。〃
He slumped against the wall again and carried on the tune from where he left off。
〃You know；〃 said Arthur； 〃it's at times like this； when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse； and about to die of asphyxication in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young。〃