按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
The sweat stood out cold on Ford Prefect's brow； and slid round the electrodes strapped to his temples。 These were attached to a battery of electronic equipment … imagery intensifiers； rhythmic modulators； alliterative residulators and simile dumpers … all designed to heighten the experience of the poem and make sure that not a single nuance of the poet's thought was lost。
Arthur Dent sat and quivered。 He had no idea what he was in for； but he knew that he hadn't liked anything that had happened so far and didn't think things were likely to change。
The Vogon began to read … a fetid little passage of his own devising。
〃Oh frettled gruntbuggly。。。〃 he began。 Spasms wracked Ford's body … this was worse than ever he'd been prepared for。
〃。。。 thy micturations are to me ｜ As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee。〃
〃Aaaaaaarggggghhhhhh！〃 went Ford Prefect； wrenching his head back as lumps of pain thumped through it。 He could dimly see beside him Arthur lolling and rolling in his seat。 He clenched his teeth。
〃Groop I implore thee；〃 continued the merciless Vogon； 〃my foonting turlingdromes。〃
His voice was rising to a horrible pitch of impassioned stridency。 〃And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles； ｜ Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon； see if I don't！〃
〃Nnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyuuuuuuurrrrrrrggggggghhhhh！〃 cried Ford Prefect and threw one final spasm as the electronic enhancement of the last line caught him full blast across the temples。 He went limp。
Arthur lolled。
〃Now Earthlings。。。〃 whirred the Vogon （he didn't know that Ford Prefect was in fact from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse； and wouldn't have cared if he had） 〃I present you with a simple choice！ Either die in the vacuum of space； or。。。〃 he paused for melodramatic effect； 〃tell me how good you thought my poem was！〃
He threw himself backwards into a huge leathery bat…shaped seat and watched them。 He did the smile again。
Ford was rasping for breath。 He rolled his dusty tongue round his parched mouth and moaned。
Arthur said brightly： 〃Actually I quite liked it。〃
Ford turned and gaped。 Here was an approach that had quite simply not occurred to him。
The Vogon raised a surprised eyebrow that effectively obscured his nose and was therefore no bad thing。
〃Oh good。。。〃 he whirred； in considerable astonishment。
〃Oh yes；〃 said Arthur； 〃I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was really particularly effective。〃
Ford continued to stare at him； slowly organizing his thoughts around this totally new concept。 Were they really going to be able to bareface their way out of this？
〃Yes； do continue。。。〃 invited the Vogon。
〃Oh。。。 and er。。。 interesting rhythmic devices too；〃 continued Arthur； 〃which seemed to counterpoint the。。。 er。。。 er。。。〃 He floundered。
Ford leaped to his rescue； hazarding 〃counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the。。。 er。。。〃 He floundered too； but Arthur was ready again。
〃。。。 humanity of the。。。〃
〃Vogonity；〃 Ford hissed at him。
〃Ah yes； Vogonity （sorry） of the poet's passionate soul；〃 Arthur felt he was on a home stretch now； 〃which contrives through the medium of the verse structure to sublimate this； transcend that； and e to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other；〃 （he was reaching a triumphant crescendo。。。） 〃and one is left with a profound and vivid insight into。。。 into。。。 er。。。〃 （。。。 which suddenly gave out on him。） Ford leaped in with the coup de grace：
〃Into whatever it was the poem was about！〃 he yelled。 Out of the corner of his mouth： 〃Well done； Arthur； that was very good。〃
The Vogon perused them。 For a moment his embittered racial soul had been touched； but he thought no … too little too late。 His voice took on the quality of a cat snagging brushed nylon。
〃So what you're saying is that I write poetry because underneath my mean callous heartless exterior I really just want to be loved；〃 he said。 He paused。 〃Is that right？〃
Ford laughed a nervous laugh。 〃Well I mean yes；〃 he said； 〃don't we all； deep down； you know。。。 er。。。〃
The Vogon stood up。
〃No； well you're pletely wrong；〃 he said； 〃I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief。 I'm going to throw you off the ship anyway。 Guard！ Take the prisoners to number three airlock and throw them out！〃
〃What？〃 shouted Ford。
A huge young Vogon guard stepped forward and yanked them out of their straps with his huge blubbery arms。
〃You can't throw us into space；〃 yelled Ford； 〃we're trying to write a book。〃
〃Resistance is useless！〃 shouted the Vogon guard back at him。 It was the first phrase he'd learnt when he joined the Vogon Guard Corps。
The captain watched with detached amusement and then turned away。
Arthur stared round him wildly。
〃I don't want to die now！〃 he yelled。 〃I've still got a headache！ I don't want to go to heaven with a headache； I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it！〃
The guard grasped them both firmly round the neck； and bowing deferentially towards his captain's back； hoiked them both protesting out of the bridge。 A steel door closed and the captain was on his own again。 He hummed quietly and mused to himself； lightly fingering his notebook of verses。
〃Hmmmm；〃 he said； 〃counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor。。。〃 He considered this for a moment； and then closed the book with a grim smile。
〃Death's too good for them；〃 he said。
The long steel…lined corridor echoed to the feeble struggles of the two humanoids clamped firmly under rubbery Vogon armpits。
〃This is great；〃 spluttered Arthur； 〃this is really terrific。 Let go of me you brute！〃
The Vogon guard dragged them on。
〃Don't you worry；〃 said Ford； 〃I'll think of something。〃 He didn't sound hopeful。
〃Resistance is useless！〃 bellowed the guard。
〃Just don't say things like that；〃 stammered Ford。 〃How can anyone maintain a positive mental attitude if you're saying things like that？〃
〃My God；〃 plained Arthur； 〃you're talking about a positive mental attitude and you haven't even had your planet demolished today。 I woke up this morning and thought I'd have a nice relaxed day； do a bit of reading； brush the dog。。。 It's now just after four in the afternoon and I'm already thrown out of an alien spaceship six light years from the smoking remains of the Earth！〃 He spluttered and gurgled as the Vogon tightened his grip。
〃Alright；〃 said Ford； 〃just stop panicking。〃
〃Who said anything about panicking？〃 snapped Arthur。 〃This is still just the culture shock。 You wait till I've settled down into the situation and found my bearings。 Then I'll start panicking。〃
〃Arthur you're getting hysterical。 Shut up！〃 Ford tried desperately to think； but was interrupted by the guard shouting again。
〃Resistance is useless！〃
〃And you can shut up as well！〃 snapped Ford。
〃Resistance is useless！〃
〃Oh give it a rest；〃 said Ford。 He twisted his head till he was looking straight up into his captor's face。 A thought struck him。
〃Do you really enjoy this sort of thing？〃 he asked suddenly。
T