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quarter…staff for the amusement of the multitude； but hunger； and
an utter want of any due recompense for his abilities； had at
length driven him from the field； and it was only too probable that
he had fallen a sacrifice to the rising taste for grease。 He
regretted to add that a similar； and no less lamentable； change had
taken place with reference to monkeys。 These delightful animals
had formerly been almost as plentiful as the organs on the tops of
which they were accustomed to sit； the proportion in the year 1829
（it appeared by the parliamentary return） being as one monkey to
three organs。 Owing； however； to an altered taste in musical
instruments； and the substitution； in a great measure； of narrow
boxes of music for organs； which left the monkeys nothing to sit
upon； this source of public amusement was wholly dried up。
Considering it a matter of the deepest importance； in connection
with national education； that the people should not lose such
opportunities of making themselves acquainted with the manners and
customs of two most interesting species of animals； the author
submitted that some measures should be immediately taken for the
restoration of these pleasing and truly intellectual amusements。
'THE PRESIDENT inquired by what means the honourable member
proposed to attain this most desirable end？
'THE AUTHOR submitted that it could be most fully and
satisfactorily accomplished； if Her Majesty's Government would
cause to be brought over to England； and maintained at the public
expense； and for the public amusement； such a number of bears as
would enable every quarter of the town to be visited … say at least
by three bears a week。 No difficulty whatever need be experienced
in providing a fitting place for the reception of these animals； as
a commodious bear…garden could be erected in the immediate
neighbourhood of both Houses of Parliament； obviously the most
proper and eligible spot for such an establishment。
'PROFESSOR MULL doubted very much whether any correct ideas of
natural history were propagated by the means to which the
honourable member had so ably adverted。 On the contrary； he
believed that they had been the means of diffusing very incorrect
and imperfect notions on the subject。 He spoke from personal
observation and personal experience； when he said that many
children of great abilities had been induced to believe； from what
they had observed in the streets； at and before the period to which
the honourable gentleman had referred； that all monkeys were born
in red coats and spangles； and that their hats and feathers also
came by nature。 He wished to know distinctly whether the
honourable gentleman attributed the want of encouragement the bears
had met with to the decline of public taste in that respect； or to
a want of ability on the part of the bears themselves？
'MR。 X。 X。 MISTY replied； that he could not bring himself to
believe but that there must be a great deal of floating talent
among the bears and monkeys generally； which； in the absence of any
proper encouragement； was dispersed in other directions。
'PROFESSOR PUMPKINSKULL wished to take that opportunity of calling
the attention of the section to a most important and serious point。
The author of the treatise just read had alluded to the prevalent
taste for bears'…grease as a means of promoting the growth of hair；
which undoubtedly was diffused to a very great and （as it appeared
to him） very alarming extent。 No gentleman attending that section
could fail to be aware of the fact that the youth of the present
age evinced； by their behaviour in the streets； and at all places
of public resort； a considerable lack of that gallantry and
gentlemanly feeling which； in more ignorant times； had been thought
becoming。 He wished to know whether it were possible that a
constant outward application of bears'…grease by the young
gentlemen about town had imperceptibly infused into those unhappy
persons something of the nature and quality of the bear。 He
shuddered as he threw out the remark； but if this theory； on
inquiry； should prove to be well founded； it would at once explain
a great deal of unpleasant eccentricity of behaviour； which；
without some such discovery； was wholly unaccountable。
'THE PRESIDENT highly complimented the learned gentleman on his
most valuable suggestion； which produced the greatest effect upon
the assembly； and remarked that only a week previous he had seen
some young gentlemen at a theatre eyeing a box of ladies with a
fierce intensity； which nothing but the influence of some brutish
appetite could possibly explain。 It was dreadful to reflect that
our youth were so rapidly verging into a generation of bears。
'After a scene of scientific enthusiasm it was resolved that this
important question should be immediately submitted to the
consideration of the council。
'THE PRESIDENT wished to know whether any gentleman could inform
the section what had become of the dancing…dogs？
'A MEMBER replied； after some hesitation； that on the day after
three glee…singers had been committed to prison as criminals by a
late most zealous police…magistrate of the metropolis； the dogs had
abandoned their professional duties； and dispersed themselves in
different quarters of the town to gain a livelihood by less
dangerous means。 He was given to understand that since that period
they had supported themselves by lying in wait for and robbing
blind men's poodles。
'MR。 FLUMMERY exhibited a twig； claiming to be a veritable branch
of that noble tree known to naturalists as the SHAKSPEARE； which
has taken root in every land and climate； and gathered under the
shade of its broad green boughs the great family of mankind。 The
learned gentleman remarked that the twig had been undoubtedly
called by other names in its time； but that it had been pointed out
to him by an old lady in Warwickshire； where the great tree had
grown； as a shoot of the genuine SHAKSPEARE； by which name he
begged to introduce it to his countrymen。
'THE PRESIDENT wished to know what botanical definition the
honourable gentleman could afford of the curiosity。
'MR。 FLUMMERY expressed his opinion that it was A DECIDED PLANT。
'SECTION B。 … DISPLAY OF MODELS AND MECHANICAL SCIENCE。
LARGE ROOM； BOOT…JACK AND COUNTENANCE。
PRESIDENT … Mr。 Mallett。 VICE…PRESIDENTS … Messrs。 Leaver and
Scroo。
'MR。 CRINKLES exhibited a most beautiful and delicate machine； of
little larger size than an ordinary snuff…box； manufactured
entirely by himself； and composed exclusively of steel； by the aid
of which more pockets could be picked in one hour than by the
present slow and tedious process in four…and…twenty。 The inventor
remarked that it had been put into active operation in Fleet
Street； the Strand； and other thoroughfares； and had never been
once known to fail。
'After some slight delay； occasioned by the various m