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floors are sprinkled。 The forms are of unplaned deal； and the
general effect； as you can well imagine； is extremely beautiful。'
'HALF…PAST NINE。
'The number and rapidity of the arrivals are quite bewildering。
Within the last ten minutes a stage…coach has driven up to the
door； filled inside and out with distinguished characters；
comprising Mr。 Muddlebranes； Mr。 Drawley； Professor Muff； Mr。 X。
Misty； Mr。 X。 X。 Misty； Mr。 Purblind； Professor Rummun； The
Honourable and Reverend Mr。 Long Eers； Professor John Ketch； Sir
William Joltered； Doctor Buffer； Mr。 Smith （of London）； Mr。 Brown
（of Edinburgh）； Sir Hookham Snivey； and Professor Pumpkinskull。
The ten last…named gentlemen were wet through； and looked extremely
intelligent。'
'SUNDAY； TWO O'CLOCK； P。M。
'The Honourable and Reverend Mr。 Long Eers； accompanied by Sir
William Joltered； walked and drove this morning。 They accomplished
the former feat in boots； and the latter in a hired fly。 This has
naturally given rise to much discussion。
'I have just learnt that an interview has taken place at the Boot…
jack and Countenance between Sowster； the active and intelligent
beadle of this place； and Professor Pumpkinskull； who； as your
readers are doubtless aware； is an influential member of the
council。 I forbear to communicate any of the rumours to which this
very extraordinary proceeding has given rise until I have seen
Sowster； and endeavoured to ascertain the truth from him。'
'HALF…PAST SIX。
'I engaged a donkey…chaise shortly after writing the above； and
proceeded at a brisk trot in the direction of Sowster's residence；
passing through a beautiful expanse of country； with red brick
buildings on either side； and stopping in the marketplace to
observe the spot where Mr。 Kwakley's hat was blown off yesterday。
It is an uneven piece of paving； but has certainly no appearance
which would lead one to suppose that any such event had recently
occurred there。 From this point I proceeded … passing the gas…
works and tallow…melter's … to a lane which had been pointed out to
me as the beadle's place of residence； and before I had driven a
dozen yards further； I had the good fortune to meet Sowster himself
advancing towards me。
'Sowster is a fat man； with a more enlarged development of that
peculiar conformation of countenance which is vulgarly termed a
double chin than I remember to have ever seen before。 He has also
a very red nose； which he attributes to a habit of early rising …
so red； indeed； that but for this explanation I should have
supposed it to proceed from occasional inebriety。 He informed me
that he did not feel himself at liberty to relate what had passed
between himself and Professor Pumpkinskull； but had no objection to
state that it was connected with a matter of police regulation； and
added with peculiar significance 〃Never wos sitch times！〃
'You will easily believe that this intelligence gave me
considerable surprise； not wholly unmixed with anxiety； and that I
lost no time in waiting on Professor Pumpkinskull； and stating the
object of my visit。 After a few moments' reflection； the
Professor； who； I am bound to say； behaved with the utmost
politeness； openly avowed （I mark the passage in italics） THAT HE
HAD REQUESTED SOWSTER TO ATTEND ON THE MONDAY MORNING AT THE BOOT…
JACK AND COUNTENANCE； TO KEEP OFF THE BOYS； AND THAT HE HAD FURTHER
DESIRED THAT THE UNDER…BEADLE MIGHT BE STATIONED； WITH THE SAME
OBJECT； AT THE BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE！
'Now I leave this unconstitutional proceeding to your comments and
the consideration of your readers。 I have yet to learn that a
beadle； without the precincts of a church； churchyard； or work…
house； and acting otherwise than under the express orders of
churchwardens and overseers in council assembled； to enforce the
law against people who come upon the parish； and other offenders；
has any lawful authority whatever over the rising youth of this
country。 I have yet to learn that a beadle can be called out by
any civilian to exercise a domination and despotism over the boys
of Britain。 I have yet to learn that a beadle will be permitted by
the commissioners of poor law regulation to wear out the soles and
heels of his boots in illegal interference with the liberties of
people not proved poor or otherwise criminal。 I have yet to learn
that a beadle has power to stop up the Queen's highway at his will
and pleasure； or that the whole width of the street is not free and
open to any man； boy； or woman in existence； up to the very walls
of the houses … ay； be they Black Boys and Stomach…aches； or Boot…
jacks and Countenances； I care not。'
'NINE O'CLOCK。
'I have procured a local artist to make a faithful sketch of the
tyrant Sowster； which； as he has acquired this infamous celebrity；
you will no doubt wish to have engraved for the purpose of
presenting a copy with every copy of your next number。 I enclose
it。
＇Picture which cannot be reproduced＇
The under…beadle has consented to write his life； but it is to be
strictly anonymous。
'The accompanying likeness is of course from the life； and complete
in every respect。 Even if I had been totally ignorant of the man's
real character； and it had been placed before me without remark； I
should have shuddered involuntarily。 There is an intense malignity
of expression in the features； and a baleful ferocity of purpose in
the ruffian's eye； which appals and sickens。 His whole air is
rampant with cruelty； nor is the stomach less characteristic of his
demoniac propensities。'
'MONDAY。
'The great day has at length arrived。 I have neither eyes； nor
ears； nor pens； nor ink； nor paper； for anything but the wonderful
proceedings that have astounded my senses。 Let me collect my
energies and proceed to the account。
'SECTION A。 … ZOOLOGY AND BOTANY。
FRONT PARLOUR； BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE。
PRESIDENT … Sir William Joltered。 VICE…PRESIDENTS … Mr。
Muddlebranes and Mr。 Drawley。
'MR。 X。 X。 MISTY communicated some remarks on the disappearance of
dancing…bears from the streets of London； with observations on the
exhibition of monkeys as connected with barrel…organs。 The writer
had observed； with feelings of the utmost pain and regret； that
some years ago a sudden and unaccountable change in the public
taste took place with reference to itinerant bears； who； being
discountenanced by the populace； gradually fell off one by one from
the streets of the metropolis； until not one remained to create a
taste for natural history in the breasts of the poor and
uninstructed。 One bear； indeed； … a brown and ragged animal； … had
lingered about the haunts of his former triumphs； with a worn and
dejected visage and feeble limbs； and had essayed to wield his
quarter…staff for the amusement of the multitude； but hunger； and
an utter want of any due recompense for his abilities； had at
length drive