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greatness。'
'A QUARTER PAST TWELVE。
'Professor Grime continues to exult； and to boast of his victory in
no very measured terms； observing that he always does win； and that
he knew it would be a 〃head〃 beforehand； with many other remarks of
a similar nature。 Surely this gentleman is not so lost to every
feeling of decency and propriety as not to feel and know the
superiority of Professor Woodensconce？ Is Professor Grime insane？
or does he wish to be reminded in plain language of his true
position in society； and the precise level of his acquirements and
abilities？ Professor Grime will do well to look to this。'
'ONE O'CLOCK。
'I am writing in bed。 The small cabin is illuminated by the feeble
light of a flickering lamp suspended from the ceiling； Professor
Grime is lying on the opposite shelf on the broad of his back； with
his mouth wide open。 The scene is indescribably solemn。 The
rippling of the tide； the noise of the sailors' feet overhead； the
gruff voices on the river； the dogs on the shore； the snoring of
the passengers； and a constant creaking of every plank in the
vessel； are the only sounds that meet the ear。 With these
exceptions； all is profound silence。
'My curiosity has been within the last moment very much excited。
Mr。 Slug； who lies above Professor Grime； has cautiously withdrawn
the curtains of his berth； and； after looking anxiously out； as if
to satisfy himself that his companions are asleep； has taken up the
tin tube of which I have before spoken； and is regarding it with
great interest。 What rare mechanical combination can be contained
in that mysterious case？ It is evidently a profound secret to
all。'
'A QUARTER PAST ONE。
'The behaviour of Mr。 Slug grows more and more mysterious。 He has
unscrewed the top of the tube； and now renews his observations upon
his companions； evidently to make sure that he is wholly
unobserved。 He is clearly on the eve of some great experiment。
Pray heaven that it be not a dangerous one； but the interests of
science must be promoted； and I am prepared for the worst。'
'FIVE MINUTES LATER。
'He has produced a large pair of scissors； and drawn a roll of some
substance； not unlike parchment in appearance； from the tin case。
The experiment is about to begin。 I must strain my eyes to the
utmost； in the attempt to follow its minutest operation。'
'TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE TWO。
'I have at length been enabled to ascertain that the tin tube
contains a few yards of some celebrated plaster； recommended … as I
discover on regarding the label attentively through my eye…glass …
as a preservative against sea…sickness。 Mr。 Slug has cut it up
into small portions； and is now sticking it over himself in every
direction。'
'THREE O'CLOCK。
'Precisely a quarter of an hour ago we weighed anchor； and the
machinery was suddenly put in motion with a noise so appalling；
that Professor Woodensconce （who had ascended to his berth by means
of a platform of carpet…bags arranged by himself on geometrical
principals） darted from his shelf head foremost； and； gaining his
feet with all the rapidity of extreme terror； ran wildly into the
ladies' cabin； under the impression that we were sinking； and
uttering loud cries for aid。 I am assured that the scene which
ensued baffles all description。 There were one hundred and forty…
seven ladies in their respective berths at the time。
'Mr。 Slug has remarked； as an additional instance of the extreme
ingenuity of the steam…engine as applied to purposes of navigation；
that in whatever part of the vessel a passenger's berth may be
situated； the machinery always appears to be exactly under his
pillow。 He intends stating this very beautiful； though simple
discovery； to the association。'
'HALF…PAST TEN。
'We are still in smooth water； that is to say； in as smooth water
as a steam…vessel ever can be； for； as Professor Woodensconce （who
has just woke up） learnedly remarks； another great point of
ingenuity about a steamer is； that it always carries a little storm
with it。 You can scarcely conceive how exciting the jerking
pulsation of the ship becomes。 It is a matter of positive
difficulty to get to sleep。'
'FRIDAY AFTERNOON； SIX O'CLOCK。
'I regret to inform you that Mr。 Slug's plaster has proved of no
avail。 He is in great agony； but has applied several large；
additional pieces notwithstanding。 How affecting is this extreme
devotion to science and pursuit of knowledge under the most trying
circumstances！
'We were extremely happy this morning； and the breakfast was one of
the most animated description。 Nothing unpleasant occurred until
noon； with the exception of Doctor Foxey's brown silk umbrella and
white hat becoming entangled in the machinery while he was
explaining to a knot of ladies the construction of the steam…
engine。 I fear the gravy soup for lunch was injudicious。 We lost
a great many passengers almost immediately afterwards。'
'HALF…PAST SIX。
'I am again in bed。 Anything so heart…rending as Mr。 Slug's
sufferings it has never yet been my lot to witness。'
'SEVEN O'CLOCK。
'A messenger has just come down for a clean pocket…handkerchief
from Professor Woodensconce's bag； that unfortunate gentleman being
quite unable to leave the deck； and imploring constantly to be
thrown overboard。 From this man I understand that Professor Nogo；
though in a state of utter exhaustion； clings feebly to the hard
biscuit and cold brandy and water； under the impression that they
will yet restore him。 Such is the triumph of mind over matter。
'Professor Grime is in bed； to all appearance quite well； but he
WILL eat； and it is disagreeable to see him。 Has this gentleman no
sympathy with the sufferings of his fellow…creatures？ If he has；
on what principle can he call for mutton…chops … and smile？'
'BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE； OLDCASTLE； SATURDAY NOON。
'You will be happy to learn that I have at length arrived here in
safety。 The town is excessively crowded； and all the private
lodgings and hotels are filled with SAVANS of both sexes。 The
tremendous assemblage of intellect that one encounters in every
street is in the last degree overwhelming。
'Notwithstanding the throng of people here； I have been fortunate
enough to meet with very comfortable accommodation on very
reasonable terms； having secured a sofa in the first…floor passage
at one guinea per night； which includes permission to take my meals
in the bar； on condition that I walk about the streets at all other
times； to make room for other gentlemen similarly situated。 I have
been over the outhouses intended to be devoted to the reception of
the various sections； both here and at the Boot…jack and
Countenance； and am much delighted with the arrangements。 Nothing
can exceed the fresh appearance of the saw…dust with which the
floors are sprinkled。 The forms are of unplaned deal； a