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From the greengrocer tree you get grapes and green pea；
cauliflower； pineapple； and cranberries；
While the pastrycook plant cherry brandy will grant； apple puffs；
and three corners； and Banburys
The shares are a penny； and ever so many are taken by Rothschild
and Baring；
And just as a few are allotted to you； you awake with a shudder
despairing
You're a regular wreck； with a crick in your neck； and no wonder
you snore； for your head's on the floor； and you've needles and
pins from your soles to your shins； and your flesh is a…creep； for
your left leg's asleep； and you've cramp in your toes； and a fly on
your nose； and some fluff in your lung； and a feverish tongue； and
a thirst that's intense； and a general sense that you haven't been
sleeping in clover；
But the darkness has passed； and it's daylight at last； and the
night has been longditto ditto my songand thank goodness
they're both of them over！
（Lord Chancellor falls exhausted on
a seat。）
（Enter Lords Mountararat and Tolloller。）
LORD MOUNT。 I am much distressed to see your Lordship in this
condition。
LORD CH。 Ah； my Lords； it is seldom that a Lord Chancellor
has reason to envy the position of another； but I am free to
confess that I would rather be two Earls engaged to Phyllis than
any other half…dozen noblemen upon the face of the globe。
LORD TOLL。 （without enthusiasm）。 Yes。 It's an enviable
position when you're the only one。
LORD MOUNT。 Oh yes； no doubtmost enviable。 At the same
time； seeing you thus； we naturally say to ourselves； 〃This is very
sad。 His Lordship is constitutionally as blithe as a birdhe
trills upon the bench like a thing of song and gladness。 His
series of judgements in F sharp minor； given andante in six…eight
time； are among the most remarkable effects ever produced in a
Court of Chancery。 He is； perhaps； the only living instance of a
judge whose decrees have received the honour of a double encore。
How can we bring ourselves to do that which will deprive the Court
of Chancery of one of its most attractive features？〃
LORD CH。 I feel the force of your remarks； but I am here in
two capacities； and they clash； my Lords； they clash！ I deeply
grieve to say that in declining to entertain my last application to
myself； I presumed to address myself in terms which render it
impossible for me ever to apply to myself again。 It was a most
painful scene； my Lordsmost painful！
LORD TOLL。 This is what it is to have two capacities！ Let us
be thankful that we are persons of no capacity whatever。
LORD MOUNT。 Come； come。 Remember you are a very just and
kindly old gentleman； and you need have no hesitation in
approaching yourself； so that you do so respectfully and with a
proper show of deference。
LORD CH。 Do you really think so？
LORD MOUNT。 I do。
LORD CH。 Well； I will nerve myself to another effort； and；
if that fails； I resign myself to my fate！
TRIOLORD CHANCELLOR； LORDS MOUNTARARAT and TOLLOLLER。
LORD MOUNT。 If you go in
You're sure to win
Yours will be the charming maidie：
Be your law
The ancient saw；
〃Faint heart never won fair lady！〃
ALL。 Never； never； never；
Faint heart never won fair lady！
Every journey has an end
When at the worst affairs will mend
Dark the dawn when day is nigh
Hustle your horse and don't say die！
LORD TOLL。 He who shies
At such a prize
Is not worth a maravedi；
Be so kind
To bear in mind
Faint heart never won fair lady！
ALL。 Never； never； never；
Faint heart never won fair lady！
While the sun shines make your hay
Where a will is； there's a way
Beard the lion in his lair
None but the brave deserve the fair！
LORD CH。 I'll take heart
And make a start
Though I fear the prospect's shady
Much I'd spend
To gain my end
Faint heart never won fair lady！
ALL。 Never； never； never；
Faint heart never won fair lady！
Nothing venture； nothing win
Blood is thick； but water's thin
In for a penny； in for a pound
It's Love that makes the world go round！
（Dance； and exeunt arm…in…arm
together。）
（Enter Strephon； in very low spirits。）
＇The following song was deleted from production＇
Fold your flapping wings；
Soaring legislature。
Stoop to little things；
Stoop to human nature。
Never need to roam
members patriotic。
Let's begin at home；
Crime is no exotic。
Bitter is your bane
Terrible your trials
Dingy Drury Lane
Soapless Seven Dials。
Take a tipsy lout
Gathered from the gutter；
Hustle him about；
Strap him to a shutter。
What am I but he；
Washed at hours stated。
Fed on filagree；
Clothed and educated
He's a mark of scorn
I might be another
If I had been born
Of a tipsy mother。
Take a wretched thief；
Through the city sneaking。
Pocket handkerchief
Ever； ever seeking。
What is he but I
Robbed of all my chances
Picking pockets by
force of circumstances
I might be as bad；
As unlucky； rather；
If I'd only had；
Fagin for a father。
STREPH。 I suppose one ought to enjoy oneself in Parliament；
when one leads both Parties； as I do！ But I'm miserable； poor；
broken…hearted fool that I am！ Oh Phyllis； Phyllis！
（Enter Phyllis。）
PHYL。 Yes。
STREPH。 （surprised）。 Phyllis！ But I suppose I should say 〃My
Lady。〃 I have not yet been informed which title your ladyship has
pleased to select？
PHYL。 II haven't quite decided。 You see； I have no mother
to advise me！
STREPH。 No。 I have。
PHYL。 Yes； a young mother。
STREPH。 Not verya couple of centuries or so。
PHYL。 Oh！ She wears well。
STREPH。 She does。 She's a fairy。
PHYL。 I beg your pardona what？
STREPH。 Oh；