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I saw the pretty neck which I used to devour with kisses； with the
leeches feeding on it； and his darling head in a cap of ice。 My dear；
we had to cut those lovely curls； of which we were so proud and with
which you used to play； in order to make room for the ice。 The
convulsions returned every ten minutes with the regularity of labor
pains； and then the poor baby writhed and twisted； now white； now
violet。 His supple limbs clattered like wood as they struck。 And this
unconscious flesh was the being who smiled and prattled； and used to
say Mamma！ At the thought； a storm of agony swept tumultuously over my
soul； like the sea tossing in a hurricane。 It seemed as though every
tie which binds a child to its mother's heart was strained to rending。
My mother； who might have given me help； advice； or comfort； was in
Paris。 Mothers； it is my belief； know more than doctors do about
convulsions。
After four days and nights of suspense and fear； which almost killed
me； the doctors were unanimous in advising the application of a horrid
ointment； which would produce open sores。 Sores on my Armand！ who only
five days before was playing about； and laughing； and trying to say
〃Godmother！〃 I would not have it done； preferring to trust in nature。
Louis； who believes in doctors； scolded me。 A man remains the same
through everything。 But there are moments when this terrible disease
takes the likeness of death； and in one of these it seemed borne in
upon me that this hateful remedy was the salvation of Armand。 Louise；
the skin was so dry； so rough and parched； that the ointment would not
act。 Then I broke into weeping； and my tears fell so long and so fast；
that the bedside was wet through。 And the doctors were at dinner！
Seeing myself alone with the child； I stripped him of all medical
appliances； and seizing him like a mad woman； pressed him to my bosom；
laying my forehead against his； and beseeching God to grant him the
life which I was striving to pass into his veins from mine。 For some
minutes I held him thus； longing to die with him； so that neither life
nor death might part us。 Dear； I felt the limbs relaxing； the
writhings ceased； the child stirred； and the ghastly； corpselike tints
faded away！ I screamed； just as I did when he was taken ill； the
doctors hurried up； and I pointed to Armand。
〃He is saved！〃 exclaimed the oldest of them。
What music in those words！ The gates of heaven opened！ And； in fact；
two hours later Armand came back to life； but I was utterly crushed；
and it was only the healing power of joy which saved me from a serious
illness。 My God！ by what tortures do you bind a mother to her child！
To fasten him to our heart； need the nails be driven into the very
quick？ Was I not mother enough before？ I； who wept tears of joy over
his broken syllables and tottering steps； who spent hours together
planning how best to perform my duty； and fit myself for the sweet
post of mother？ Why these horrors； these ghastly scenes； for a mother
who already idolized her child？
As I write； our little Armand is playing； shouting； laughing。 What can
be the cause of this terrible disease with children？ Vainly do I try
to puzzle it out； remembering that I am again with child。 Is it
teething？ Is it some peculiar process in the brain？ Is there something
wrong with the nervous system of children who are subject to
convulsions？ All these thoughts disquiet me； in view alike of the
present and the future。 Our country doctor holds to the theory of
nervous trouble produced by teething。 I would give every tooth in my
head to see little Armand's all through。 The sight of one of those
little white pearls peeping out of the swollen gum brings a cold sweat
over me now。 The heroism with which the little angel bore his
sufferings proves to me that he will be his mother's son。 A look from
him goes to my very heart。
Medical science can give no satisfactory explanation as to the origin
of this sort of tetanus； which passes off as rapidly as it comes on；
and can apparently be neither guarded against nor cured。 One thing
alone； as I said before； is certain； that it is hell for a mother to
see her child in convulsions。 How passionately do I clasp him to my
heart！ I could walk for ever with him in my arms！
To have suffered all this only six weeks before my confinement made it
much worse； I feared for the coming child。 Farewell； my dear beloved。
Don't wish for a childthere is the sum and substance of my letter！
XLI
THE BARONNE DE MACUMER TO THE VICOMTESSE DE L'ESTORADE
Paris。
Poor sweet；Macumer and I forgave you all your naughtiness when we
heard of your terrible trouble。 I thrilled with pain as I read the
details of the double agony； and there seem compensations now in being
childless。
I am writing at once to tell you that Louis has been promoted。 He can
now wear the ribbon of an officer of the Legion。 You are a lucky
woman； Renee； and you will probably have a little girl； since that
used to be your wish！
The marriage of my brother with Mlle。 de Mortsauf was celebrated on
our return。 Our gracious King； who really is extraordinarily kind； has
given my brother the reversion of the post of first gentleman of the
chamber； which his father…in…law now fills； on the one condition that
the scutcheon of the Mortsaufs should be placed side by side with that
of the Lenoncourts。
〃The office ought to go with the title；〃 he said to the Duc de
Lenoncourt…Givry。
My father is justified a hundred…fold。 Without the help of my fortune
nothing of all this could have taken place。 My father and mother came
from Madrid for the wedding； and return there； after the reception
which I give to…morrow for the bride and bridegroom。
The carnival will be a very gay one。 The Duc and Duchesse de Soria are
in Paris； and their presence makes me a little uneasy。 Marie Heredia
is certainly one of the most beautiful women in Europe； and I don't
like the way Felipe looks at her。 Therefore I am doubly lavish of
sweetness and caresses。 Every look and gesture speak the words which I
am careful my lips should not utter； 〃/She/ could not love like this！〃
Heaven knows how lovely and fascinating I am！ Yesterday Mme。 de
Maufrigneuse said to me：
〃Dear child； who can compete with you？〃
Then I keep Felipe so well amused； that his sister…in…law must seem as
lively as a Spanish cow in comparison。 I am the less sorry that a
little Abencerrage is not on his way； because the Duchess will no
doubt stay in Paris over her confinement； and she won't be a beauty
any longer。 If the baby is a boy； it will be called Felipe； in honor
of the exile。 An unkind chance has decreed that I shall； a second
time； serve as godmother。
Good…bye； dear； I shall go to Chantepleurs early this year； for our
Italian tour was shockingly expensive。 I shall leave about the end of
March； and retire to economize in Nivenais。 Besides； I am tired of
Paris。 Felipe sighs； as I do； after the beautiful quiet of the park；
our cool meadows； and our Loire； with its sparkling sands； peerless
among rivers。 Chantepleurs will seem delightful to me after the pomps
and vanities of Italy； for； after all； splendor becomes weariso