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While he was whispering this in my ear； his arm round me； my head
resting on his shoulder； the cries of a bat； surprised by an owl；
disturbed us。 This death…cry struck me with such terror that Felipe
carried me half…fainting to my bed。 But don't be alarmed！ Though this
augury of evil still resounds in my soul； I am quite myself this
morning。 As soon as I was up； I went to Felipe； and； kneeling before
him； my eyes fixed on his； his hands clasped in mine； I said to him：
〃My love； I am a child； and Renee may be right after all。 It may be
only your love that I love in you； but at least I can assure you that
this is the one feeling of my heart； and that I love you as it is
given me to love。 But if there be aught in me； in my lightest thought
or deed； which jars on your wishes or conception of me； I implore you
to tell me； to say what it is。 It will be a joy to me to hear you and
to take your eyes as the guiding…stars of my life。 Renee has
frightened me； for she is a true friend。〃
Macumer could not find voice to reply； tears choked him。
I can thank you now； Renee。 But for your letter I should not have
known the depths of love in my noble； kingly Macumer。 Rome is the city
of love； it is there that passion should celebrate its feast； with art
and religion as confederates。
At Venice we shall find the Duc and Duchesse de Soria。 If you write；
address now to Paris； for we shall leave Rome in three days。 The
ambassador's was a farewell party。
P。 S。Dear； silly child； your letter only shows that you knew nothing
of love； except theoretically。 Learn then that love is a quickening
force which may produce fruits so diverse that no theory can embrace
or co…ordinate them。 A word this for my little Professor with her
armor of stays。
XL
THE COMTESSE DE L'ESTORADE TO THE BARONNE DE MACUMER
January 1827。
My father has been elected to the Chamber； my father…in…law is dead；
and I am on the point of my second confinement； these are the chief
events marking the end of the year for us。 I mention them at once；
lest the sight of the black seal should frighten you。
My dear； your letter from Rome made my flesh creep。 You are nothing
but a pair of children。 Felipe is either a dissembling diplomat or
else his love for you is the love a man might have for a courtesan； on
whom he squanders his all； knowing all the time that she is false to
him。 Enough of this。 You say I rave； so I had better hold my tongue。
Only this would I say； from the comparison of our two very different
destinies I draw this harsh moralLove not if you would be loved。
My dear； when Louis was elected to the provincial Council； he received
the cross of the Legion of Honor。 That is now nearly three years ago；
and as my fatherwhom you will no doubt see in Paris during the
course of the sessionhas asked the rank of Officer of the Legion for
his son…in…law； I want to know if you will do me the kindness to take
in hand the bigwig； whoever he may be； to whom this patronage belongs；
and to keep an eye upon the little affair。 But； whatever you do； don't
get entangled in the concerns of my honored father。 The Comte de
Maucombe is fishing for the title of Marquis for himself； but keep
your good services for me； please。 When Louis is a deputynext winter
that iswe shall come to Paris； and then we will move heaven and
earth to get some Government appointment for him； so that we may be
able to save our income by living on his salary。 My father sits
between the centre and the right； a title will content him。 Our family
was distinguished even in the days of King Rene； and Charles X。 will
hardly say no to a Maucombe； but what I fear is that my father may
take it into his head to ask some favor for my younger brother。 Now；
if the marquisate is dangled out of his reach； he will have no
thoughts to spare from himself。
January 15th。
Ah！ Louise； I have been in hell。 If I can bear to tell you of my
anguish； it is because you are another self； even so； I don't know
whether I shall ever be able to live again in thought those five
ghastly days。 The mere word 〃convulsions〃 makes my very heart sick。
Five days！ to me they were five centuries of torture。 A mother who has
not been through this martyrdom does not know what suffering is。 So
frenzied was I that I even envied you； who never had a child！
The evening before that terrible day the weather was close； almost
hot； and I thought my little Armand was affected by it。 Generally so
sweet and caressing； he was peevish； cried for nothing； wanted to
play； and then broke his toys。 Perhaps this sort of fractiousness is
the usual sign of approaching illness with children。 While I was
wondering about it； I noticed Armand's cheeks flush； but this I set
down to teething； for he is cutting four large teeth at once。 So I put
him to bed beside me； and kept constantly waking through the night。 He
was a little feverish； but not enough to make me uneasy； my mind being
still full of the teething。 Towards morning he cried 〃Mamma！〃 and
asked by signs for something to drink； but the cry was spasmodic； and
there were convulsive twitchings in the limbs； which turned me to ice。
I jumped out of bed to fetch him a drink。 Imagine my horror when； on
my handing him the cup； he remained motionless； only repeating
〃Mamma！〃 in that strange； unfamiliar voice； which was indeed by this
time hardly a voice at all。 I took his hand； but it did not respond to
my pressure； it was quite stiff。 I put the cup to his lips； the poor
little fellow gulped down three or four mouthfuls in a convulsive
manner that was terrible to see； and the water made a strange sound in
his throat。 He clung to me desperately； and I saw his eyes roll； as
though some hidden force within were pulling at them； till only the
whites were visible； his limbs were turning rigid。 I screamed aloud；
and Louis came。
〃A doctor！ quick！ 。 。 。 he is dying；〃 I cried。
Louis vanished； and my poor Armand again gasped； 〃Mamma！ Mamma！〃 The
next moment he lost all consciousness of his mother's existence。 The
pretty veins on his forehead swelled； and the convulsions began。 For a
whole hour before the doctors came； I held in my arms that merry baby；
all lilies and roses； the blossom of my life； my pride； and my joy；
lifeless as a piece of wood； and his eyes！ I cannot think of them
without horror。 My pretty Armand was a mere mummyblack； shriveled；
misshapen。
A doctor； two doctors； brought from Marseilles by Louis； hovered about
like birds of ill omen； it made me shudder to look at them。 One spoke
of brain fever； the other saw nothing but an ordinary case of
convulsions in infancy。 Our own country doctor seemed to me to have
the most sense； for he offered no opinion。 〃It's teething；〃 said the
second doctor。〃Fever；〃 said the first。 Finally it was agreed to put
leeches on his neck and ice on his head。 It seemed to me like death。
To look on； to see a corpse； all purple or black； and not a cry； not a
movement from this creature but now so full of life and soundit was
horrible！
At one moment I lost my head； and gave a sort of hysterical laugh； as
I saw the pretty neck which I used to devour with kisses； with the
leeches f