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statue； the monument erected to commemorate the naval engagement on
Lake Erie； wherein the Americans came off victorious。 Artemus
looked up to the statue； laid his finger to the side of his nose；
and； in his quaint manner； remarked； 〃I wonder whether they called
him 'a fool' too； when he went to fight！〃
The remark； following close as it did upon his laughing fit in the
newspaper office； caused me to inquire why he had been called 〃a
fool；〃 and who had called him so。
〃It was the opinion of my friends on the paper；〃 he replied。 〃I
told them that I was going in for lecturing。 They laughed at me；
and called me ‘a fool。' Don't you think they were right？〃
Then we sauntered up Euclid Street； under the shade of its avenue of
trees。 As we went along； Artemus Ward recounted to me the story of
his becoming a lecturer。 Our conversation on that agreeable evening
is fresh in my remembrance。 Memory still listens to the voice of my
companion in the stroll； still sees the green trees of Euclid Street
casting their shadows across our path； and still joins in the laugh
with Artemus； who； having just returned from California； where he
had taken sixteen hundred dollars at one lecture； did not think that
to be evidence of his having lost his senses。
The substance of that which Artemus Ward then told me was； that
while writing for the 〃Cleveland Plain Dealer〃 he was accustomed； in
the discharge of his duties as a reporter； to attend the
performances of the various minstrel troups and circuses which
visited the neighbourhood。 At one of these he would hear some story
of his own； written a month or two previously； given by the
〃middle…man〃 of the minstrels and received with hilarity by the
audience。 At another place he would be entertained by listening to
jokes of his own invention； coarsely retailed by the clown of the
ring； and shouted at by the public as capital waggery on the part of
the performer。 His own good things from the lips of another 〃came
back to him with alienated majesty；〃 as Emerson expresses it。 Then
the thought would steal over himWhy should that man gain a living
with my witticisms； and I not use them in the same way myself？ why
not be the utterer of my own coinage； the quoter of my own jests；
the mouthpiece of my own merry conceits？ Certainly； it was not a
very exalted ambition to aim at the glories of a circus clown or the
triumphs of a minstrel with a blackened face。 But； in the United
States a somewhat different view is taken of that which is fitting
and seemly for a man to do； compared with the estimate we form in
this country。 In a land where the theory of caste is not admitted；
the relative respectability of the various professions is not quite
the same as it is with us。 There the profession does not disqualify
if the man himself be right； nor the claim to the title of gentleman
depend upon the avocation followed。 I know of one or two clowns in
the ring who are educated physicians； and not thought to be any the
less gentlemen because they propound conundrums and perpetrate jests
instead of prescribing pills and potions。
Artemus Ward was always very self…reliant； when once he believed
himself to be in the right it was almost impossible to persuade him
to the contrary。 But； at the same time； he was cautious in the
extreme； and would well consider his position before deciding that
which was right or wrong for him to do。 The idea of becoming a
public man having taken possession of his mind； the next point to
decide was in what form he should appear before the public。 That of
a humorous lecturer seemed to him to be the best。 It was unoccupied
ground。 America had produced entertainers who by means of facial
changes or eccentricities of costume had contrived to amuse their
audiences； but there was no one who ventured to joke for an hour
before a house full of people with no aid from scenery or dress。
The experiment was one which Artemus resolved to try。 Accordingly；
he set himself to work to collect all his best quips and cranks； to
invent what new drolleries he could； and to remember all the good
things that he had heard or met with。 These he noted down and
strung together almost without relevancy or connexion。 The
manuscript chanced to fall into the hands of the people at the
office of the newspaper on which he was then employed； and the
question was put to him of what use he was going to make of the
strange jumble of jest which he had thus compiled。 His answer was
that he was about to turn lecturer； and that before them were the
materials of his lecture。 It was then that his friends laughed at
him； and characterised him as 〃a fool。〃
〃They had some right to think so；〃 said Artemus to me as we rambled
up Euclid Street。 〃I half thought that I was one myself。 I don't
look like a lecturerdo I？〃
He was always fond； poor fellow； of joking on the subject of his
personal appearance。 His spare figure and tall stature； his
prominent nose and his light…colored hair； were each made the
subject of a joke at one time or another in the course of his
lecturing career。 If he laughed largely at the foibles of others；
he was equally disposed to laugh at any shortcomings he could detect
in himself。 If anything at all in his outward form was to him a
source of vanity； it was the delicate formation of his hands。
White； soft； long； slender； and really handsome； they were more like
the hands of a high…born lady than those of a Western editor。 He
attended to them with careful pride； and never alluded to them as a
subject for his jokes； until； in his last illness； they had become
unnaturally fair； translucent； and attenuated。 Then it was that a
friend calling upon him at his apartments in Piccadilly； endeavoured
to cheer him at a time of great mental depression； and pleasantly
reminded him of a ride they had long ago projected through the
South…Western States of the Union。 〃We must do that ride yet；
Artemus。 Short stages at first； and longer ones as we go on。〃 Poor
Artemus lifted up his pale； slender hands； and letting the light
shine through them； said jocosely； 〃Do you think these would do to
hold a rein with？ Why； the horse would laugh at them。〃
Having collected a sufficient number of quaint thoughts； whimsical
fancies； bizarre notions； and ludicrous anecdotes； the difficulty
which then； according to his own confession； occurred to Artemus
Ward was； what should be the title of his lecture。 The subject was
no difficulty at all； for the simple reason that there was not to be
any。 The idea of instructing or informing his audience never once
entered into his plans。 His intention was merely to amuse； if
possible； keep the house in continuous laughter for an hour and a
half； or rather an hour and twenty minutes； for that was the precise
time； in his belief； which people could sit to listen and to laugh
without becoming bored； and； if possible； send his audience home
well pleased with the lecturer and with themselves； without their
having any clear idea of that which they had been listening to； and
not one jot the wiser than when they came。 No one better understood
than Artemus the wants of a miscel