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the complete works of artemus ward, part 1-第7章

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when he paid a visit to the Tower。  He knew English history better
than most Englishmen; and the Tower of London was to him the history
of England embalmed in stone and mortar。  No man had more reverence
in his nature; and at the Tower he saw that what he had read was
real。  There were the beef…eaters; there had been Queen Elizabeth
and Sir Walter Raleigh; and Lady Jane Grey; and Shakspere's murdered
princes; and their brave; cruel uncle。  There was the block and the
axe; and the armour and the jewels。  〃St George for Merrie England!〃
had been shouted in the Holy Land; and men of the same blood as
himself had been led against the infidel by men of the same brain
and muscle as George Washington。  Robin Hood was a reality; and not
a schoolboy's myth like Ali Baba and Valentine and Orson。

There were two sets of feelings in Charles Browne at the Tower。  He
could appreciate the sublimity of history; but; as the 〃Show〃 part
of the exhibition was described to him; the humorist; the wit; and
the iconoclast from the other side the Atlantic must have smiled at
the 〃descriptions。〃  The 〃Tower〃 was a 〃show;〃 like his ownArtemus
Ward's。  A price was paid for admission; and the 〃figgers〃 were
〃orated。〃  Real jewellery is very like sham jewellery after all; and
the 〃Artemus〃 vein in Charles Browne's mental constitutionthe vein
of humour; whose source was a strong contempt of all things false;
mean; shabby; pretentious; and only externalof bunkum and
Barnumisationmust have seen a gigantic speculation realising
shiploads of dollars if the Tower could have been taken over to the
States; and exhibited from town to townthe Stars and Stripes flying
over itwith a four…horse lecture to describe the barbarity of the
ancient British Barons and the cuss of chivalry。

Artemus Ward's Lecture on the Mormons at the Egyptian Hall;
Piccadilly; was a great success。  His humour was so entirely fresh;
new; and unconventional; it took his hearers by surprise; and
charmed them。  His failing health compelled him to abandon the
lecture after about eight or ten weeks。  Indeed; during that brief
period he was once or twice compelled to dismiss his audience。  I
have myself seen him sink into a chair and nearly faint after the
exertion of dressing。  He exhibited the greatest anxiety to be at
his post at the appointed time; and scrupulously exerted himself to
the utmost to entertain his auditors。  It was not because he was
sick that the public was to be disappointed; or that their enjoyment
was to be diminished。  During the last few weeks of his
lecture…giving he steadily abstained from accepting any of the
numerous invitations he received。  Had he lived through the
following London fashionable season; there is little doubt that the
room at the Egyptian Hall would have been thronged nightly。  Our
aristocracy have a fine delicate sense of humour; and the success;
artistic and pecuniary; of 〃Artemus Ward〃 would have rivalled that
of the famous 〃Lord Dundreary。〃  There are many stupid people who
did not understand the 〃fun〃 of Artemus Ward's books。  In their
vernacular 〃they didn't see it。〃  There were many stupid people who
did not understand the fun of Artemus Ward's lecture on the Mormons。
They could not see it。  Highly respectable peoplethe pride of
their parish; when they heard of a lecture 〃upon the Mormons〃…
…expected to see a solemn person; full of old saws and new
statistics; who would denounce the sin of polygamy; and bray against
polygamists with four…and…twenty boiling…water Baptist power of
denunciation。  These uncomfortable Christians do not like humour。
They dread it as a certain personage is said to dread holy water;
and for the same reason that thieves fear policemenit finds them
out。  When these good idiots heard Artemus offer; if they did not
like the lecture in Piccadilly; to give them free tickets for the
same lecture in California; when he next visited that country; they
turned to each other indignantly; and said 〃What use are tickets for
California to us?  We are not going to California。  No! we are too
good; too respectable; to go so far from home。  The man is a fool!〃
One of these ornaments of the vestry complained to the doorkeepers;
and denounced the lecture as an imposition; 〃and;〃 said the wealthy
parishioner; 〃as for the panorama; it's the worst painted thing I
ever saw in all my life!〃

But the entertainment; original; humorous; and racy though it was;
was drawing to a close!  In the fight between youth and death; death
was to conquer。  By medical advice Charles Browne went for a short
time to Jerseybut the breezes of Jersey were powerless。  He wrote
to London to his nearest and dearest friendsthe members of a
literary club of which he was a memberto complain that his
〃loneliness weighed on him。〃  He was brought back; but could not
sustain the journey farther than Southampton。  There the members of
the beforementioned club travelled from London to see himtwo at a
timethat he might be less lonelyand for the unwearying
solicitude of his friend and agent; Mr。 Hingston; and to the kindly
sympathy of the United States Consul at Southampton; Charles
Browne's best and dearest friends had cause to be grateful。  I
cannot close these lines without mention of 〃Artemus Ward's〃 last
joke。  He had read in the newspapers that a wealthy American had
offered to present the Prince of Wales with a splendid yacht;
American built。

〃It seems;〃 said the invalid; 〃a fashion now…a…days for everybody to
present the Prince of Wales with something。  I think I shall leave
himmy panorama!〃

Charles Browne died beloved and regretted by all who knew him; and
by many who had known him but a few weeks; and when he drew his last
breath; there passed away the Spirit of a true gentleman。

                                           T。W。 ROBERTSON
London; August 11; 1868。






PREFATORY NOTE

                   BY EDWARD P。 HINGSTON。

In Cleveland; Ohio; the pleasant city beside the lakes; Artemus Ward
first determined to become a public lecturer。  He and I rambled
through Cleveland together after his return from California。  He
called on some old friends at the Herald office; then went over to
the Weddel House; and afterwards strolled across to the offices of
the 〃Plain Dealer〃; where; in his position as sub…editor; he had
written many of his earlier essays。  Artemus inquired for Mr。 Gray;
the editor; who chanced to be absent。  Looking round at the vacant
desks and inkstained furniture; Artemus was silent for a minute or
two; and then burst into one of those peculiar chuckling fits of
laughter in which he would occasionally indulge; not a loud laugh;
but a shaking of the whole body with an impulse of merriment which
set every muscle in motion。  〃Here;〃 said he; 〃here's where they
called me a fool。〃  The remembrance of their so calling him seemed
to afford him intense amusement。

From the office of the Cleveland Plain Dealer we continued our tour
of the town。  Presently we found ourselves in front of Perry's
statue; the monument erected to commemorate the naval engagement on
Lake Erie; wherein the Americans came off victorious。  Artemus
looked up to the st
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