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don't beleeve it myself。 But the Afrikan isn't our sister &
our wife & our uncle。 He isn't sevral of our brothers & all
our fust wife's relashuns。 He isn't our grandfather; and our
grate grandfather; and our Aunt in the country。 Scacely。 &
yit numeris persons would have us think so。 It's troo he runs
Congress & sevral other public grosserys; but then he ain't
everybody & everybody else likewise。 'Notiss to bizness men of
VANITY FAIR: Extry charg fur this larst remark。 It's a goak。
A。W。'
But we've got the Afrikan; or ruther he's got us; & now what
air we going to do about it? He's a orful noosanse。 Praps he
isn't to blame fur it。 Praps he was creatid fur sum wise
purpuss; like the measles and New Englan Rum; but it's mity
hard to see it。 At any rate he's no good here; & as I statid
to Mister What Is It; it's a pity he cooden't go orf sumwhares
quietly by hisself; whare he cood wear red weskits & speckled
neckties; & gratterfy his ambishun in varis interestin wase;
without havin a eternal fuss kickt up about him。
Praps I'm bearin down too hard upon Cuffy。 Cum to think on it;
I am。 He woodn't be sich a infernal noosanse if white peple
would let him alone。 He mite indeed be interestin。 And now I
think of it; why can't the white peple let him alone。 What's
the good of continnerly stirrin him up with a ten…foot pole?
He isn't the sweetest kind of Perfoomery when in a natral
stait。
Feller Sitterzens; the Union's in danger。 The black devil
Disunion is trooly here; starein us all squarely in the face!
We must drive him back。 Shall we make a 2nd Mexico of
ourselves? Shall we sell our birthrite for a mess of potash?
Shall one brother put the knife to the throat of anuther
brother? Shall we mix our whisky with each other's blud?
Shall the star spangled Banner be cut up into dishcloths?
Standin here in this here Skoolhouse; upon my nativ shor so to
speak; I anserNary!
Oh you fellers who air raisin this row; & who in the fust place
startid it; I'm 'shamed of you。 The Showman blushes for you;
from his boots to the topmost hair upon his wenerable hed。
Feller Sitterzens: I am in the Sheer & Yeller leaf。 I shall
peg out 1 of these dase。 But while I do stop here I shall stay
in the Union。 I know not what the supervizers of Baldinsville
may conclude to do; but for one; I shall stand by the Stars &
Stripes。 Under no circumstances whatsomever will I sesesh。
Let every Stait in the Union sesesh & let Palmetter flags flote
thicker nor shirts on Square Baxter's close line; still will I
stick to the good old flag。 The country may go to the devil;
but I won't! And next Summer when I start out on my campane
with my Show; wharever I pitch my little tent; you shall see
floatin prowdly from the center pole thereof the Amerikan Flag;
with nary a star wiped out; nary a stripe less; but the same
old flag that has allers flotid thar! & the price of admishun
will be the same it allers was15 cents; children half price。
Feller Sitterzens; I am dun。 Accordinly I squatted。
1。13。 WAX FIGURES VS。 SHAKESPEARE。
ONTO THE WING1859。
Mr。 Editor。
I take my Pen in hand to inform yu that I'm in good helth and
trust these few lines will find yu injoyin the same blessins。
I wood also state that I'm now on the summir kampane。 As the
Poit sez
ime erflote; ime erflote
On the Swift rollin tied
An the Rovir is free。
Bizness is scacely middlin; but Sirs I manige to pay for my
foode and raiment puncktooally and without no grumblin。 The
barked arrers of slandur has bin leviled at the undersined
moren onct sins heze bin into the show bizness; but I make bold
to say no man on this footstule kan troothfully say I ever
ronged him or eny of his folks。 I'm travelin with a tent;
which is better nor hirin hauls。 My show konsists of a serious
of wax works; snakes; a paneramy kalled a Grand Movin Diarea of
the War in the Crymear; komic songs and the Cangeroo; which
larst little cuss continners to konduct hisself in the most
outrajus stile。 I started out with the idear of makin my show
a grate Moral Entertainment; but I'm kompeled to sware so much
at that air infurnal Kangeroo that I'm frade this desine will
be flustratid to some extent。 And while speakin of morrality;
remines me that sum folks turn up their nosis at shows like
mine; sayin they is low and not fit to be patrernized by
peplpeple of high degree。 Sirs; I manetane that this is
infernul nonsense。 I manetane that wax figgers is more
elevatin than awl the plays ever wroten。 Take Shakespeer for
instunse。 Peple think heze grate things; but I kontend heze
quite the reverse to the kontrary。 What sort of sense is thare
to King Leer; who goze round cussin his darters; chawin hay and
throin straw at folks; and larfin like a silly old koot and
makin a ass of hisself ginerally? Thare's Mrs。 Mackbethsheze
a nise kind of woomon to have round ain't she; a puttin old
Mack; her husband; up to slayin Dunkan with a cheeze knife;
while heze payin a frendly visit to their house。 O its hily
morral; I spoze; when she larfs wildly and sez; 〃gin me the
daggursIle let his bowels out;〃 or wurds to that effeckI
say; this is awl; strickly; propper I spoze? That Jack
Fawlstarf is likewise a immoral old cuss; take him how ye may;
and Hamlick is as crazy as a loon。 Thare's Richurd the Three;
peple think heze grate things; but I look upon him in the lite
of a monkster。 He kills everybody he takes a noshun to in kold
blud; and then goze to sleep in his tent。 Bimeby he wakes up
and yells for a hoss so he kan go orf and kill some more peple。
If he isent a fit spesserman for the gallers then I shood like
to know whare you find um。 Thare's Iargo who is more ornery
nor pizun。 See how shameful he treated that hily respecterble
injun gentlemun; Mister Otheller; makin him for to beleeve his
wife was too thick with Casheo。 Obsarve how Iargo got Casheo
drunk as a biled owl on corn whiskey in order to karry out his
sneekin desines。 See how he wurks Mister Otheller's feelins up
so that he goze and makes poor Desdemony swaller a piller which
cawses her deth。 But I must stop。 At sum futur time I shall
continner my remarks on the drammer in which I shall show the
varst supeeriority of wax figgers and snakes over theater
plays; in a interlectooal pint of view。
Very Respectively yures;
A WARD; T。K。
1。14。 AMONG THE FREE LOVERS。 (Some queer people; calling
themselves 〃Free Lovers;〃 and possessing very original ideas
about life and morality; established themselves at Berlin
Heights; in Ohio; a few years since。 Public opinion was
resistlessly against them; however; and the association was
soon disbanded。)
Some years ago I pitched my tent and onfurled my banner to the
breeze; in Berlin Hites; Ohio。 I had hearn that Berlin Hites
was ockepied by a extensive seck called Free Lovers; who
beleeved in affinertys and sich; goin back on their domestic
ties without no hesitation whatsomever。 They was likewise
spirit rappers and high presher reformers on gineral
principles。 If I can improve these 'ere