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man； that Judas Iscarrot can't show hisself in Utiky with
impunerty by a darn site！〃 with which observashun he kaved in
Judassis hed。 The young man belonged to 1 of the first famerlies
in Utiky。 I sood him； and the Joory brawt in a verdick of Arson
in the 3d degree。
1。5。 CELEBRATION AT BALDINSVILLE IN HONOR OF THE ATLANTIC CABLE。
Baldinsville； Injianny； Sep。 the onct； 18&58。I was summund home
from Cinsinnaty quite suddin by a lettur from the Supervizers of
Baldinsville； sayin as how grate things was on the Tappis in that
air town in refferunse to sellebratin the compleshun of the
Sub…Mershine Tellergraph & axkin me to be Pressunt。 Lockin up my
Kangeroo and wax wurks in a sekure stile I took my departer for
Baldinsville〃my own； my nativ lan；〃 which I gut intwo at early
kandle litin on the follerin night & just as the sellerbrashun
and illumernashun ware commensin。
Baldinsville was trooly in a blaze of glory。 Near can I forgit
the surblime speckticul which met my gase as I alited from the
Staige with my umbreller and verlis。 The Tarvern was lit up with
taller kandles all over & a grate bon fire was burnin in frunt
thareof。 A Traspirancy was tied onto the sine post with the
follerin wurds〃Giv us Liberty or Deth。〃 Old Tompkinsis grosery
was illumernated with 5 tin lantuns and the follerin Transpirancy
was in the winder〃The Sub…Mershine Tellergraph & the
Baldinsville and Stonefield Plank Roadthe 2 grate eventz of the
19th centerrymay intestines strife never mar their grandjure。〃
Simpkinsis shoe shop was all ablase with kandles and lantuns。 A
American Eagle was painted onto a flag in a winderalso these
wurds； viz。〃The Constitooshun must be Presarved。〃 The Skool
house was lited up in grate stile and the winders was filld with
mottoes amung which I notised the follerin〃Trooth smashed to
erth shall rize aginYOU CAN'T STOP HER。〃 〃The Boy stood on the
Burnin Deck whense awl but him had Fled。〃 〃Prokrastinashun is
the theaf of Time。〃 〃Be virtoous & you will be Happy。〃
〃Intemperunse has cawsed a heap of trubbleshun the Bole；〃 an
the follerin sentimunt written by the skool master； who graduated
at Hudson Kollige： 〃Baldinsville sends greetin to Her Magisty
the Queen； & hopes all hard feelins which has heretofore previs
bin felt between the Supervizers of Baldinsville and the British
Parlimunt； if such there has been； may now be forever wiped frum
our Escutchuns。 Baldinsville this night rejoises over the
gerlorious event which sementz 2 grate nashuns onto one anuther
by means of a elecktric wire under the roarin billers of the
Nasty Deep。 QUOSQUE TANTRUM； A BUTTER； CATERLINY； PATENT
NOSTRUM！〃 Squire Smith's house was lited up regardlis of
expense。 His little sun William Henry stood upon the roof firin
orf crackers。 The old 'Squire hisself was dressed up in soljer
clothes and stood on his door…step； pintin his sword sollumly to
a American flag which was suspendid on top of a pole in frunt of
his house。 Frequiently he wood take orf his cocked hat & wave it
round in a impressive stile。 His oldest darter Mis Isabeller
Smith； who has just cum home from the Perkinsville Female
Instertoot； appeared at the frunt winder in the West room as the
goddis of liberty； & sung 〃I see them on their windin way。〃
Booteus 1； sed I to myself； you air a angil & nothin shorter。 N。
Boneparte Smith； the 'Squire's oldest sun； drest hisself up as
Venus the God of Wars and red the Decleration of Inderpendunse
from the left chambir winder。 The 'Squire's wife didn't jine in
the festiverties。 She sed it was the tarnulest nonsense she ever
seed。 Sez she to the 'Squire； 〃Cum into the house and go to bed
you old fool； you。 Tomorrer you'll be goin round half…ded with
the rumertism & won't gin us a minit's peace till you get well。〃
Sez the 'Squire； 〃Betsy； you little appresiate the importance of
the event which I this night commererate。〃 Sez she； 〃Commemerate
a cat's tailcum into the house this instant； you pesky old
critter。〃 〃Betsy；〃 sez the 'Squire； wavin his sword； 〃retire。〃
This made her just as mad as she could stick。 She retired； but
cum out agin putty quick with a panfull of Bilin hot water which
she throwed all over the Squire； & Surs； you wood have split your
sides larfin to see the old man jump up and holler & run into the
house。 Except this unpropishus circumstance all went as merry as
a carriage bell； as Lord Byrun sez。 Doctor Hutchinsis offiss was
likewise lited up and a Transpirancy； on which was painted the
Queen in the act of drinkin sum of 〃Hutchinsis invigorater；〃 was
stuck into one of the winders。 The Baldinsville Bugle of Liberty
noospaper offiss was also illumernated； & the follerin mottoes
stuck out〃The Press is the Arkermejian leaver which moves the
world。〃 〃Vote Early。〃 〃Buckle on your Armer。〃 〃Now is the time
to Subscribe。〃 〃Franklin； Morse & Field。〃 〃Terms 1。50 dollars a
yearliberal reducshuns to clubs。〃 In short the villige of
Baldinsville was in a perfect fewroar。 I never seed so many
peple thar befour in my born days。 Ile not attemp to describe
the seens of that grate night。 Wurds wood fale me ef I shood try
to do it。 I shall stop here a few periods and enjoy my 〃Oatem
cum dig the tates；〃 as our skool master observes； in the buzzum
of my famerly； & shall then resume the show biznis； which Ive bin
into twenty…two （22） yeres and six （6） months。
1。6。 AMONG THE SPIRITS。
My naburs is mourn harf crazy on the new…fangled ideas about
Sperrets。 Sperretooul Sircles is held nitely & 4 or 5 long hared
fellers has settled here and gone into the Sperret biznis
excloosively。 A atemt was made to git Mrs。 A。 Ward to embark
into the Sperret biznis but the atemt faled。 1 of the long hared
fellers told her she was a ethereal creeter & wood make a sweet
mejium； whareupon she attact him with a mop handle & drove him
out of the house。 I will hear obsarve that Mrs。Ward is a
invalerble womumthe partner of my goys & the shairer of my
sorrers。 In my absunse she watchis my interests & things with a
Eagle Eye & when I return she welcums me in afectionate stile。
Trooly it is with us as it was with Mr。 & Mrs。 INGOMER in the
Play； to whit；
2 soles with but a single thawt
2 harts which beet as 1。
My naburs injooced me to attend a Sperretooul Sircle at Squire
Smith's。 When I arrove I found the east room chock full includin
all the old maids in the villige & the long hared fellers a4sed。
When I went in I was salootid with 〃hear cums the benited man〃
〃hear cums the hory…heded unbeleever〃〃hear cums the skoffer at
trooth；〃 etsettery； etsettery。
Sez I； 〃my frens； it's troo I'm hear； & now bring on your
Sperrets。〃
1 of the long hared fellers riz up and sed he would state a few
remarks。 He sed man was a critter of intelleck & was movin on to
a Gole。 Sum men had bigger intellecks than other men had and
thay wood git to the Gole the soonerest。 Sum men was beests &
wood never git into the Gole at all。 He sed the Erth was
materiel but man was immaterial； and hens man was different from
the Erth。 The Erth； continnered the speaker； resolves round on
its own axeltree onct in 24 hours； bu