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〃We air well；〃 they solumly sed。
〃Whar's the old man？〃 sed I； in a soft voice。
〃Of whom dost thow speakBrother Uriah？〃
〃I mean the gay and festiv cuss who calls me a man of sin。
Shouldn't wonder if his name was Uriah。〃
〃He has retired。〃
〃Wall； my pretty dears；〃 sez I； 〃let's have sum fun。 Let's play
puss in the corner。 What say？〃
〃Air you a Shaker； sir？〃 they axed。
〃Wall my pretty dears； I haven't arrayed my proud form in a long
weskit yit； but if they was all like you perhaps I'd jine 'em。
As it is； I'm a Shaker pro…temporary。〃
They was full of fun。 I seed that at fust； only they was a
leetle skeery。 I tawt 'em Puss in the corner and sich like plase；
and we had a nice time； keepin quiet of course so the old man
shouldn't hear。 When we broke up； sez I； 〃my pretty dears； ear I
go you hav no objections； hav you； to a innersent kiss at
partin？〃
〃Yay；〃 they said； and I YAY'D。
I went up stairs to bed。 I spose I'd bin snoozin half an hour
when I was woke up by a noise at the door。 I sot up in bed；
leanin on my elbers and rubbin my eyes； and I saw the follerin
picter： The Elder stood in the doorway； with a taller candle in
his hand。 He hadn't no wearin appeerel on except his night
close； which flutterd in the breeze like a Seseshun flag。 He sed；
〃You're a man of sin！〃 then groaned and went away。
I went to sleep agin； and drempt of runnin orf with the pretty
little Shakeresses mounted on my Californy Bar。 I thawt the Bar
insisted on steerin strate for my dooryard in Baldinsville and
that Betsy Jane cum out and giv us a warm recepshun with a
panfull of Bilin water。 I was woke up arly by the Elder。 He
said refreshments was reddy for me down stairs。 Then sayin I was
a man of sin； he went groanin away。
As I was goin threw the entry to the room where the vittles was；
I cum across the Elder and the old female I'd met the night
before； and what d'ye spose they was up to？ Huggin and kissin
like young lovers in their gushingist state。 Sez I； 〃my Shaker
friends； I reckon you'd better suspend the rules and git
married。〃
〃You must excoos Brother Uriah；〃 sed the female； 〃he's subjeck to
fits and hain't got no command over hisself when he's into 'em。〃
〃Sartinly；〃 sez I； 〃I've bin took that way myself frequent。〃
〃You're a man of sin！〃 sed the Elder。
Arter breakfust my little Shaker frends cum in agin to clear away
the dishes。
〃My pretty dears；〃 sez I； 〃shall we YAY agin？〃
〃Nay；〃 they sed； and I NAY'D。
The Shakers axed me to go to their meetin； as they was to hav
sarvices that mornin； so I put on a clean biled rag and went。
The meetin house was as neat as a pin。 The floor was white as
chalk and smooth as glass。 The Shakers was all on hand； in clean
weskits and meal bags； ranged on the floor like milingtery
companies； the mails on one side of the room and the females on
tother。 They commenst clappin their hands and singin and dancin。
They danced kinder slow at fust； but as they got warmed up they
shaved it down very brisk； I tell you。 Elder Uriah； in
particler； exhiberted a right smart chance of spryness in his
legs； considerin his time of life； and as he cum a dubble shuffle
near where I sot； I rewarded him with a approvin smile and sed：
〃Hunky boy！ Go it； my gay and festiv cuss！〃
〃You're a man of sin！〃 he sed； continnerin his shuffle。
The Sperret； as they called it； then moved a short fat Shaker to
say a few remarks。 He sed they was Shakers and all was ekal。
They was the purest and Seleckest peple on the yearth。 Other
peple was sinful as they could be； but Shakers was all right。
Shakers was all goin kerslap to the Promist Land； and nobody want
goin to stand at the gate to bar 'em out； if they did they'd git
run over。
The Shakers then danced and sung agin； and arter they was threw；
one of 'em axed me what I thawt of it。
Sez I； 〃What duz it siggerfy？〃
〃What？〃 sez he。
〃Why this jumpin up and singin？ This long weskit bizniss； and
this anty…matrimony idee？ My frends； you air neat and tidy。
Your lands is flowin with milk and honey。 Your brooms is fine；
and your apple sass is honest。 When a man buys a keg of apple
sass of you he don't find a grate many shavins under a few layers
of sassa little Game I'm sorry to say sum of my New Englan
ancesters used to practiss。 Your garding seeds is fine； and if I
should sow 'em on the rock of Gibralter probly I should raise a
good mess of garding sass。 You air honest in your dealins。 You
air quiet and don't distarb nobody。 For all this I givs you
credit。 But your religion is small pertaters； I must say。 You
mope away your lives here in single retchidness； and as you air
all by yourselves nothing ever conflicks with your pecooler
idees； except when Human Nater busts out among you； as I
understan she sumtimes do。 ＇I giv Uriah a sly wink here； which
made the old feller squirm like a speared Eel。＇ You wear long
weskits and long faces； and lead a gloomy life indeed。 No
children's prattle is ever hearn around your harthstunsyou air
in a dreary fog all the time； and you treat the jolly sunshine of
life as tho' it was a thief； drivin it from your doors by them
weskits； and meal bags； and pecooler noshuns of yourn。 The gals
among you； sum of which air as slick pieces of caliker as I ever
sot eyes on； air syin to place their heds agin weskits which
kiver honest； manly harts； while you old heds fool yerselves with
the idee that they air fulfillin their mishun here； and air
contented。 Here you air all pend up by yerselves； talkin about
the sins of a world you don't know nothin of。 Meanwhile said
world continners to resolve round on her own axletree onct in
every 24 hours； subjeck to the Constitution of the United States；
and is a very plesant place of residence。 It's a unnatral；
onreasonable and dismal life you're leadin here。 So it strikes
me。 My Shaker frends； I now bid you a welcome adoo。 You hav
treated me exceedin well。 Thank you kindly； one and all。
〃A base exhibiter of depraved monkeys and onprincipled wax
works！〃 sed Uriah。
〃Hello； Uriah；〃 sez I； 〃I'd most forgot you。 Wall； look out for
them fits of yourn； and don't catch cold and die in the flour of
your youth and beauty。〃
And I resoomed my jerney。
1。4。 HIGH…HANDED OUTRAGE AT UTICA。
In the Faul of 1856； I showed my show in Uticky； a trooly grate
sitty in the State of New York。
The people gave me a cordyal recepshun。 The press was loud in
her prases。
1 day as I was givin a descripshun of my Beests and Snaiks in my
usual flowry stile what was my skorn disgust to see a big burly
feller walk up to the cage containin my wax figgers of the Lord's
Last Supper； and cease Judas Iscarrot by the feet and drag him
out on the ground。 He then commenced fur to pound him as hard as
he cood。
〃What under the son are you abowt？〃 cried I。
Sez he； 〃What did you bring this pussylanermus cuss here fur？〃
and he hit the wax figger another tremenjis blow on the hed。
Sez I； 〃You egrejus ass； that air's a wax figgera
representashun of the false 'Postle。〃
Sez he； 〃That's all very well fur you to say； but I tell you； old
man； that Judas Iscarrot can't show his