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the benefit of those who never had an opportunity of seeing Artemus
Ward nor of hearing him lecture； I may be pardoned for attempting to
describe the man himself。
In stature he was tall； in figure； slender。 At any time during our
acquaintance his height must have been disproportionate to his
weight。 Like his brother Cyrus； who died a few years before him；
Charles F。 Browne； our 〃Artemus Ward；〃 had the premonitory signs of
a short life strongly evident in his early manhood。 There were the
lank form； the long pale fingers； the very white pearly teeth； the
thin； fine； soft hair； the undue brightness of the eyes； the
excitable and even irritable disposition； the capricious appetite；
and the alternately jubilant and despondent tone of mind which too
frequently indicate that 〃the abhorred fury with the shears〃 is
waiting too near at hand to 〃slit the thin…spun life。〃 His hair was
very light…colored； and not naturally curly。 He used to joke in his
lecture about what it cost him to keep it curled； he wore a very
large moustache without any beard or whiskers； his nose was
exceedingly prominent； having an outline not unlike that of the late
Sir Charles Napier。 His forehead was large； with； to use the
language of the phrenologists； the organs of the perceptive
faculties far more developed than those of the imaginative powers。
He had the manner and bearing of a naturally…born gentleman。 Great
was the disappointment of many who； having read his humorous papers
descriptive of his exhibition of snakes and waxwork； and who having
also formed their ideas of him from the absurd pictures which had
been attached to some editions of his works； found on meeting with
him that there was no trace of the showman in his deportment； and
little to call up to their mind the smart Yankee who had married
〃Betsy Jane。〃 There was nothing to indicate that he had not lived a
long time in Europe and acquired the polish which men gain by coming
in contact with the society of European capitals。 In his
conversation there was no marked peculiarity of accent to identify
him as an American； nor any of the braggadocio which some of his
countrymen unadvisedly assume。 His voice was soft； gentle； and
clear。 He could make himself audible in the largest lecture…rooms
without effort。 His style of lecturing was peculiar； so thoroughly
sui generis； that I know of no one with whom to compare him； nor can
any description very well convey an idea of that which it was like。
However much he caused his audience to laugh； no smile appeared upon
his own face。 It was grave； even to solemnity； while he was giving
utterance to the most delicious absurdities。 His assumption of
indifference to that which he was saying； his happy manner of
letting his best jokes fall from his lips as if unconscious of their
being jokes at all； his thorough self…possession on the platform；
and keen appreciation of that which suited his audience and that
which did not； rendered him well qualified for the task which he had
undertakenthat of amusing the public with a humorous lecture。 He
understood and comprehended to a hair's breadth the grand secret of
how not to bore。 He had weighed； measured； and calculated to a
nicety the number of laughs an audience could indulge in on one
evening； without feeling that they were laughing just a little too
much。 Above all； he was no common man； and did not cause his
audience to feel that they were laughing at that which they should
feel ashamed of being amused with。 He was intellectually up to the
level of nine…tenths of those who listened to him； and in listening；
they felt that it was no fool who wore the cap and bells so
excellently。 It was amusing to notice how with different people his
jokes produced a different effect。 The Honourable Robert Lowe
attended one evening at the Mormon Lecture； and laughed as
hilariously as any one in the room。 The next evening Mr。 John
Bright happened to be present。 With the exception of one or two
occasional smiles； he listened with grave attention。
In placing the lecture before the public in print； it is impossible；
by having recourse to any system of punctuation； to indicate the
pauses； jerky emphases； and odd inflexions of voice which
characterised the delivery。 The reporter of the Standard newspaper；
describing his first lecture in London； aptly said： 〃Artemus dropped
his jokes faster than the meteors of last night succeeded each other
in the sky。 And there was this resemblance between the flashes of
his humour and the flights of the meteors； that in each case one
looked for jokes or meteors； but they always came just in the place
that one least expected to find them。 Half the enjoyment of the
evening lay； to some of those present； in listening to the hearty
cachinnation of the people who only found out the jokes some two or
three minutes after they were made； and who then laughed apparently
at some grave statements of fact。 Reduced to paper； the showman's
jokes are certainly not brilliant； almost their whole effect lies in
their seemingly impromptu character。 They are carefully led up to；
of course； but they are uttered as if they are mere afterthoughts；
of which the speaker is hardly sure。〃 Herein the writer in the
Standard hits the most marked peculiarity of Artemus Ward's style of
lecturing。 His affectation of not knowing what he was uttering； his
seeming fits of abstraction； and his grave； melancholy aspect；
constituted the very cream of the entertainment。 Occasionally he
would amuse himself in an apparently meditative mood； by twirling
his little riding…whip； or by gazing earnestly； but with affected
admiration； at his panorama。 At the Egyptian Hall his health
entirely failed him； and he would occasionally have to use a seat
during the course of the lecture。 In the notes which follow I have
tried； I know how inefficiently； to convey here and there an idea of
how Artemus rendered his lecture amusing by gesture or action。 I
have also； at the request of the publisher； made a few explanatory
comments on the subject of our Mormon trip。 In so doing I hope that
I have not thrust myself too prominently forward； nor been too
officious in my explanations。 My aim has been to add to the
interest of the lecture with those who never heard it delivered； and
to revive in the memory of those who did some of its notable
peculiarities。 The illustrations are from photographs of the
panorama painted in America for Artemus； as the pictorial portion of
his entertainment。
In the lecture is the fun of the journey。 For the hard facts the
reader in quest of information is referred to a book published
previously to the lecturer's appearance at the Egyptian Hall； the
title of which is； 〃Artemus Ward： His Travels among the Mormons。〃
Much against the grain as it was for Artemus to be statistical； he
has therein detailed some of the experiences of his Mormon trip；
with due regard to the exactitude and accuracy of statement expected
by information…seeking readers in a book of travels。 He was not
precisely the sort of traveller to write a paper for the evening
meetings of the Royal Geographical Society； nor was he