按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
of his auditory。 He would pick them out； address himself at times
to them especially； and enjoy the bewilderment of his Boeotian
patrons。 Sometimes a stolid inhabitant of central New York；
evidently of Dutch extraction； would regard him with an open stare
expressive of a desire to enjoy that which was said if the point of
the joke could by any possibility be indicated to him。 At other
times a demure Pennsylvania Quaker would benignly survey the poor
lecturer with a look of benevolent pity； and on one occasion； when
my friend was lecturing at Peoria； an elderly lady； accompanied by
her two daughters； left the room in the midst of the lecture；
exclaiming； as she passed me at the door； 〃It is too bad of people
to laugh at a poor young man who doesn't know what he is saying； and
ought to be sent to a lunatic asylum！〃
The newspaper reporters were invariably puzzled in attempting to
give any correct idea of a lecture by Artemus Ward。 No report could
fairly convey an idea of the entertainment； and being fully aware of
this； Artemus would instruct his agent to beg of the papers not to
attempt giving any abstract of that which he said。 The following is
the way in which the reporter of the Golden Era； at San Francisco；
California； endeavoured to inform the San Franciscan public of the
character of 〃The Babes in the Wood〃 lecture。 It is； as the reader
will perceive； a burlesque on the way in which Artemus himself dealt
with the topic he had chosen； while it also notes one or two of the
salient features of my friend's style of Lecturing：
〃HOW ARTEMUS WARD 'SPOKE A PIECE。'〃
〃Artemus has arrived。 Artemus has spoken。 Artemus has triumphed。
Great is Artemus！
〃Great also is Platt's Hall。 But Artemus is greater； for the hall
proved too small for his audience； and too circumscribed for the
immensity of his jokes。 A man who has drank twenty bottles of wine
may be called ‘full。' A pint bottle with a quart of water in it
would also be accounted full； and so would an hotel be； every bed in
it let three times over on the same night to three different
occupants； but none of these would be so full as Platt's Hall was on
Friday night to hear Artemus Ward ‘speak a piece。'
〃The piece selected was ‘The Babes in the Wood；' which reminds us
that Mr。 Ward is a tall； slender…built； fair…complexioned；
jovial…looking gentleman of about twenty…seven years of age。 He has
a pleasant manner； an agreeable style； and a clear； distinct； and
powerful voice。
〃'The Babes in the Wood' is a 'comic oration；' with a most
comprehensive grasp of subject。 As spoken by its witty author； it
elicited gusto of laughter and whirlwinds of applause。 Mr。 Ward is
no prosy lyceum lecturer。 His style is neither scientific；
didactic； or philosophical。 It is simply that of a man who is
brimful of mirth； wit； and satire； and who is compelled to let it
flow forth。 Maintaining a very grave countenance himself； he plays
upon the muscles of other people's faces as though they were piano…
strings； and he the prince of pianists。
〃The story of 'The Babes in the Wood' is interesting in the extreme。
We would say； en passant； however； that Artemus Ward is a perfect
steam factory of puns and a museum of American humour。 Humanity
seems to him to be a vast mine； out of which he digs tons of fun；
and life a huge forest； in which he can cut down 'cords' of
comicality。 Language with him is like the brass balls with which
the juggler amuses us at the circusever being tossed up； ever
glittering； ever thrown about at pleasure。 We intended to report
his lecture in full； but we laughed till we split our lead pencil；
and our shorthand symbols were too infused with merriment to remain
steady on the paper。 However； let us proceed to give an idea of
'The Babes in the Wood。' In the first place； it is a comic oration；
that is； it is spoken； is exuberant in fun； felicitous in fancy；
teeming with jokes； and sparkling as bright waters on a sunny day。
The 'Babes in the Wood' isthat is； it isn't a lecture or an
oratorical effort； it is something sui generis； something reserved
for our day and generation； which it would never have done for our
forefathers to have known； or they would have been too mirthful to
have attended to the business of preparing the world for our coming；
and something which will provoke so much laughter in our time； that
the echo of the laughs will reverberate along the halls of futurity；
and seriously affect the nerves of future generations。
〃The 'Babes in the Wood；' to describe it； isWell； those who
listened to it know best。 At any rate； they will acknowledge with
us that it was a great success； and that Artemus Ward has a fortune
before him in California。
〃And now to tell the story of 'The Babes in the Wood'But we will
not； for the hall was not half large enough to accommodate those who
came； consequently Mr。 Ward will tell it over again at the
Metropolitan Theatre next Tuesday evening。 The subject will again
be 'The Babes in the Wood。'〃
Having travelled over the Union with 〃The Babes in the Wood〃
lecture； and left his audiences everywhere fully 〃in the wood〃 as
regarded the subject announced in the title； Artemus Ward became
desirous of going over the same ground again。 There were not
wanting dreary and timid prophets who told him that having 〃sold〃
his audiences once； he would not succeed in gaining large houses a
second time。 But the faith of Artemus in the unsuspecting nature of
the public was very large； so with fearless intrepidity he conceived
the happy thought of inventing a new title； but keeping to the same
old lecture； interspersing it here and there with a few fresh jokes；
incidental to new topics of the times。 Just at this period General
McClellan was advancing on Richmond； and the celebrated fight at
Bull's Run had become matter of history。 The forcible abolition of
slavery had obtained a place among the debates of the day； Hinton
Rowan Helper's book on 〃The Inevitable Crisis〃 had been sold at
every bookstall； and the future of the negro had risen into the
position of being the great point of discussion throughout the land。
Artemus required a very slender thread to string his jokes upon； and
what better one could be found than that which he chose？ He
advertised the title of his next lecture as 〃Sixty Minutes in
Africa。〃 I need scarcely say that he had never been in Africa； and
in all probability had never read a book on African travel。 He knew
nothing about it； and that was the very reason he should choose
Africa for his subject。 I believe that he carried out the joke so
far as to have a map made of the African continent； and that on a
few occasions； but not on all； he had it suspended in the
lecture…room。 It was in Philadelphia and at the Musical Fund Hall
in Locust Street that I first heard him deliver what he jocularly
phrased to me as 〃My African Revelation。〃 The hall was very
thronged； the audience must have exceeded two thousand in number；
and the evening was unusually warm。 Artemus came on the rostrum
with a roll of paper in his hands； and used it to play with
throughout the lecture； just as recently at the Egyptian Ha