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He knew he had to circumvent this bitch who was standing in the way of what he wanted。 He hated her and he punished her。 When they went to bed； he made her do things she had never done before； things he had never asked a whore to do； using her mouth and her fingers and her tongue。 He pushed her further and further； forcing her into a series of humiliations。 And each time he got her to do something more degrading； he would praise her； the way one praises a dog for learning a new trick； and she would be happy because she had pleased him。 And the more he degraded her； the more degraded he felt。 He was punishing himself； and he had not the faintest idea why。
Toby had a plan in mind； and his chance to put it into action came sooner than he had anticipated。 Alice Tanner announced that the Workshop class was going to put on a private show for the advanced classes and their guests on the following Friday。 Each student could choose his own project。 Toby prepared a monologue and rehearsed it over and over。
On the morning of the show； Toby waited until class was over and walked up to Karen； the fat actress who had sat next to him during the play。
〃Would you do me a favor？〃 he asked casually。
〃Sure； Toby。〃 Her voice was surprised and eager。
Toby stepped back to get away from her breath。
〃I'm gulling a gag on an old friend of mine。 I want you to telephone Clifton Lawrence's secretary and tell her you're Sam Goldwyn's secretary； and that Mr。 Goldwyn would like Mr。 Lawrence to e to the show tonight to see a brilliant new ic。 There'll be a ticket waiting for him at the box office。〃
Karen stared at him。 〃Jesus； old lady Tanner would have my head。 You know she never allows outsiders at the Workshop shows。〃
〃Believe me； it'll be all right。〃 He took her arm and squeezed it。 〃You busy this afternoon？〃
She swallowed； her breath ing a little faster。 〃Not not if you'd like to do something。〃
〃I'd like to do something。〃
Three hours later； an ecstatic Karen made the phone call。
The auditorium was filled with actors from the various classes and their guests； but the only person Toby had eyes for was the man who sat in an aisle seat in the third row。 Toby had been in a panic； fearful that his ruse would not work。 Surely a man as clever as Clifton Lawrence would see through the trick。 But he had not。 He was here。
A boy and girl were on stage now； doing a scene from The Sea Gull。 Toby hoped they would not drive Clifton Lawrence out of the theater。 Finally； the scene was finished； and the actors took their bows and left the stage。 It was Toby's turn。 Alice suddenly appeared at his side in the wings； whispering；
〃Good luck； darling〃； unaware that his luck was silting in the audience。
〃Thanks； Alice。〃
Toby breathed a silent prayer； straight ened his shoulders； bounced out on stage and smiled boyishly at the audience。
〃Hello； there。 I'm Toby Temple。 Hey； did you ever stop to think about names； and how our parents choose them？ It's crazy。 I asked my mother why she named me Toby。 She said she took one look at my mug； and that was it。〃 His look was what got the laugh。 Toby appeared so innocent and wistful； standing up there on that stage； that they loved him。 The jokes he told where terrible； but somehow that did not matter。 He was so vulnerable that they wanted to protect him； and they did it with their applause and their laughter。 It was like a gift of love that flowed into Toby； filling him with an almost unbearable exhilaration。 He was Edward G。 Robinson and Jimmy Cagney； and Cagney was saying； 〃You dirty rat！ Who do you think you're giving orders to？〃 And Robinson's； 〃To you； you punk。 I'm Little Caesar。 I'm the boss。 You're nuthin'。 Do you know what that means？〃 〃Yeah； you dirty rat。 You're the boss of nuthin'。〃 A roar。 The audience adored Toby。 Bogart was there； snarling； 〃I'd spit in your eye； punk； if my lip wasn't stuck over my teeth。〃 And the audience was enchanted。 Toby gave them his Peter Lorre。 〃I saw this little girl in her room； playing with it； and I got excited。 I don't know what came over me。 I couldn't help myself。 I crept into her room； and I pulled the rope tighter and tighter； and I broke her yoyo。〃 A big laugh。 He was rolling。 He switched over to Laurel and Hardy； and a movement in the audience caught his eye and he glanced up。 Clifton Lawrence was walking out of the theater。 The rest of the evening was a blur to Toby。
When the show was over； Alice Tanner came up to Toby。 〃You were wonderful； darling！ I。。。〃
He could not bear to look at her； to have anyone look at him。 He wanted to be alone with his misery； to try to cope with the pain that was tearing him apart。 His world had collapsed around him。 He had had his chance； and he had failed。 Clifton Lawrence had walked out on him； had not even waited for him to finish。 Clifton Lawrence was a man who knew talent； a professional who handled the best。 If Lawrence did not think Toby had anything。。。 He felt sick to his stomach。
〃I'm going for a walk；〃 he said to Alice。
He walked down Vine Street and Gower； past Columbia Pictures and RKO and Paramount。 All the gates were locked。
He walked along Hollywood Boulevard and looked up at the huge mocking sign on the hill that said； 〃hollywoodland〃。 There was no Hollywoodland。 It was a state of mind； a phony dream that lured thousands of otherwise normal people into the insanity of trying to bee a star。 The word Hollywood had bee a loadstone for miracles； a trap that seduced people with wonderful promises； siren songs of dreams fulfilled； and then destroyed them。 Toby walked the streets all night long； wondering what he was going to do with his life。 His faith in himself had been shattered and he felt rootless and adrift。 He had never imagined himself doing anything other than entertaining people； and if he could not do that； all that was left for him were dull； monotonous jobs where he would be caged up for the rest of his life。 Mr。 Anonymous。 No one would ever know who he was。 He thought of the long； dreary years； the bitter loneliness of a thousand nameless towns； of the people who had applauded him and laughed at him and loved him。 Toby wept。 He wept for the past and for the future。 He wept because he was dead。
It was dawn when Toby returned to the white stucco bungalow he shared with Alice。 He walked into the bedroom and looked down at her sleeping figure。 He had thought that she would be the open sesame to the magic kingdom。 But there was no magic kingdom。 Not for him。 He would leave。
He had no idea where he would go。 He was almost twenty seven years old and he had no future。 He lay down on the couch； exhausted。 He closed his eyes； listening to the sounds of the city stirring into life。 The morning sounds of cities are the same； and he thought of Detroit。
His mother。 She was standing in the kitchen cooking apple tarts for him。 He could smell her wonderful musky female odor mingled with the smell of apples cooking in butter； and she was saying； God wants you to be famous。 He was standing alone on an enormous stage； blinded by floodlights； trying to remember his lines。 He tried to speak but he had lost his voice。 He grew panicky。 There was a great rumb