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To Germany； whose somewhat tardy millions
Have princes who spur more than their postilions。
And thence through Berlin； Dresden； and the like；
Until he reach'd the castellated Rhine：…
Ye glorious Gothic scenes！ how much ye strike
All phantasies； not even excepting mine；
A grey wall； a green ruin； rusty pike；
Make my soul pass the equinoctial line
Between the present and past worlds； and hover
Upon their airy confine； half…seas…over。
But Juan posted on through Manheim； Bonn；
Which Drachenfels frowns over like a spectre
Of the good feudal times forever gone；
On which I have not time just now to lecture。
From thence he was drawn onwards to Cologne；
A city which presents to the inspector
Eleven thousand maidenheads of bone；
The greatest number flesh hath ever known。
From thence to Holland's Hague and Helvoetsluys；
That water…land of Dutchmen and of ditches；
Where juniper expresses its best juice；
The poor man's sparkling substitute for riches。
Senates and sages have condemn'd its use…
But to deny the mob a cordial； which is
Too often all the clothing； meat； or fuel；
Good government has left them； seems but cruel。
Here he embark'd； and with a flowing sail
Went bounding for the island of the free；
Towards which the impatient wind blew half a gale；
High dash'd the spray； the bows dipp'd in the sea；
And sea…sick passengers turn'd somewhat pale；
But Juan； season'd； as he well might be；
By former voyages； stood to watch the skiffs
Which pass'd； or catch the first glimpse of the cliffs。
At length they rose； like a white wall along
The blue sea's border； and I Don Juan felt…
What even young strangers feel a little strong
At the first sight of Albion's chalky belt…
A kind of pride that he should be among
Those haughty shopkeepers； who sternly dealt
Their goods and edicts out from pole to pole；
And made the very billows pay them toll。
I 've no great cause to love that spot of earth；
Which holds what might have been the noblest nation；
But though I owe it little but my birth；
I feel a mix'd regret and veneration
For its decaying fame and former worth。
Seven years （the usual term of transportation）
Of absence lay one's old resentments level；
When a man's country 's going to the devil。
Alas！ could she but fully； truly； know
How her great name is now throughout abhorr'd：
How eager all the earth is for the blow
Which shall lay bare her bosom to the sword；
How all the nations deem her their worst foe；
That worse than worst of foes； the once adored
False friend； who held out freedom to mankind；
And now would chain them； to the very mind：…
Would she be proud； or boast herself the free；
Who is but first of slaves？ The nations are
In prison；… but the gaoler； what is he？
No less a victim to the bolt and bar。
Is the poor privilege to turn the key
Upon the captive； freedom？ He 's as far
From the enjoyment of the earth and air
Who watches o'er the chain； as they who wear。
Don Juan now saw Albion's earliest beauties；
Thy cliffs； dear Dover！ harbour； and hotel；
Thy custom…house； with all its delicate duties；
Thy waiters running mucks at every bell；
Thy packets； all whose passengers are booties
To those who upon land or water dwell；
And last； not least； to strangers uninstructed；
Thy long； long bills； whence nothing is deducted。
Juan； though careless； young； and magnifique；
And rich in rubles； diamonds； cash； and credit；
Who did not limit much his bills per week；
Yet stared at this a little； though he paid it
（His Maggior Duomo； a smart； subtle Greek；
Before him summ'd the awful scroll and read it）；
But doubtless as the air； though seldom sunny；
Is free； the respiration's worth the money。
On with the horses！ Off to Canterbury！
Tramp； tramp o'er pebble； and splash； splash through puddle；
Hurrah！ how swiftly speeds the post so merry！
Not like slow Germany； wherein they muddle
Along the road； as if they went to bury
Their fare； and also pause besides； to fuddle
With 'schnapps'… sad dogs！ whom 'Hundsfot；' or 'Verflucter；'
Affect no more than lightning a conductor。
Now there is nothing gives a man such spirits；
Leavening his blood as cayenne doth a curry；
As going at full speed… no matter where its
Direction be； so 't is but in a hurry；
And merely for the sake of its own merits；
For the less cause there is for all this flurry；
The greater is the pleasure in arriving
At the great end of travel… which is driving。
They saw at Canterbury the cathedral；
Black Edward's helm； and Becket's bloody stone；
Were pointed out as usual by the bedral；
In the same quaint； uninterested tone：…
There 's glory again for you； gentle reader！ All
Ends in a rusty casque and dubious bone；
Half…solved into these sodas or magnesias；
Which form that bitter draught； the human species。
The effect on Juan was of course sublime：
He breathed a thousand Cressys； as he saw
That casque； which never stoop'd except to Time。
Even the bold Churchman's tomb excited awe；
Who died in the then great attempt to climb
O'er kings； who now at least must talk of law
Before they butcher。 Little Leila gazed；
And ask'd why such a structure had been raised：
And being told it was 'God's house；' she said
He was well lodged； but only wonder'd how
He suffer'd Infidels in his homestead；
The cruel Nazarenes； who had laid low
His holy temples in the lands which bred
The True Believers：… and her infant brow
Was bent with grief that Mahomet should resign
A mosque so noble； flung like pearls to swine。
Oh！ oh！ through meadows managed like a garden；
A paradise of hops and high production；
For after years of travel by a bard in
Countries of greater heat； but lesser suction；
A green field is a sight which makes him pardon
The absence of that more sublime construction；
Which mixes up vines； olives； precipices；
Glaciers； volcanos； oranges； and ices。
And when I think upon a pot of beer…
But I won't weep！… and so drive on； postilions！
As the smart boys spurr'd fast in their career；
Juan admired these highways of free millions；
A country in all senses the most dear
To foreigner or native； save some silly ones；
Who 'kick against the pricks' just at this juncture；
And for their pains get only a fresh puncture。
What a delightful thing 's a turnpike road！
So smooth； so level； such a mode of shaving
The earth； as scarce the eagle in the broad
Air can acplish； with his wide wings waving。
Had such been cut in Phaeton's time； the god
Had told his son to satisfy his craving
With the York mail；… but onward as we roll；
'Surgit amari aliquid'… the toll
Alas； how deeply painful is all payment！
Take lives； take wives； take aught except men's purses：
As Machiavel shows those in purple raiment；
Such is the shortest way to general curses。
They hate a murderer much less than a claimant
On that sweet ore which every body nurses；…
Kill a man's family； and he may brook it；
But keep your hands out of his breeches' pocket。
So said the Florentine： ye monarchs； hearken
To your instructor。 Juan now was borne；
Just as the day began to wane and darken；
O'er the high hill； which looks with pride or scorn
Toward the great city。… Ye who have a spark in
Your veins of Cockney