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I tried to speak； but I felt the words catching in my throat。
Midori threw her cigarette into a puddle。 〃Will you please get that
look off your face？ You're gonna make me cry。 Don't worry； I know
you're in love with somebody else。 I'm not expecting anything from
you。 But the least you can do is give me a hug。 These have been two
tough months for me。〃
I put up my umbrella； and we went behind the game area and held
each other close。 Our bodies strained against each other； and our lips
met。 The smell of the rain clung to her hair and her jeans jacket。 Girls'
bodies were so soft and warm！ I could feel her breasts pressing against
my chest through our clothing。 How long had it been since my last
physical contact with another human being？
〃The day I last saw you； that night I talked to him； and we broke up；〃
Midori said。
〃I love you；〃 I said to her。 〃From the bottom of my heart。 I don't ever
want to let you go again。 But there's nothing I can do。 I can't make a
move。〃
〃Because of her？〃
I nodded。
〃Tell me； have you slept with her？〃
〃Once。 A year ago。〃
〃And you haven't seen her since then？〃
〃I have seen her： twice。 But we didn't do anything。〃 〃Why not？
Doesn't she love you？〃
〃That's hard to say；〃 I said。 〃It's really plicated。 And
mixed up。 And it's been going on for such a long time； I don't know
what's what any more。 And neither does she。 All I know is； I have a
sort of responsibility in all this as a human being； and I can't just turn
my back on it。 At least； that's how I feel about it now。 Even if she isn't
in love with me。〃
〃Let me just tell you this； Watanabe；〃 said Midori； pressing her cheek
against my neck。 〃I'm a real； live girl； with real； live blood gushing
through my veins。 You're holding me in your arms and I'm telling you
that I love you。 I'm ready to do anything you tell me to do。 I may be a
little bit mad； but I'm a good girl； and honest； and I work hard； I'm
kind of cute； I have nice boobs； I'm a good cook； and my father left me
a trust fund。 I mean； I'm a real bargain； don't you think？ If you don't
take me； I'll end up going somewhere else。〃
〃I need time；〃 I said。 〃I need time to think and sort things out； and
make some decisions。 I'm sorry； but that's all I can say at this point。〃
〃Yeah； but you do love me from the bottom of your heart； right？ And
you never want to let me go again； right？〃
〃I said it and I meant it。〃
Midori pulled away from me with a smile on her face。 〃OK； I'll wait！ I
believe in you；〃 she said。 〃But when you take me； you take only me。
And when you hold me in your arms； you think only about me。 Is that
clear？〃
〃I understand exactly。〃
〃I don't care what you do to me； but I don't want you to hurt me。 I've
had enough hurt already in my life。 More than enough。 Now I want to
be happy。〃
I drew her close and kissed her on the mouth。
〃Drop the damn umbrella and wrap both your arms around me … hard！〃
she said。
〃But we'll get soaking wet！〃
〃So what？ I want you to stop thinking and hold me tight！ I've been
waiting two whole months for this！〃
I set down the umbrella and held her close in the rain。 The dull rush of
tyres on the highway enveloped us like a fog。 The rain fell without a
break； without a sound； soaking her hair and mine； running like tears
down our cheeks； down to her denim jacket and my yellow nylon
windcheater； spreading in dark stains。
〃How about going back under the roof？〃 I said。
〃e to my place。 There's nobody home now。 We'll both catch colds
like this。〃
〃It's true。〃
〃It's as if we've just swum across a river；〃 Midori said； smiling。 〃What
a great feeling！〃
We bought a good…sized towel in the linen department and took turns
going into the bathroom to dry our hair。 Then we took the subway；
with the necessary top…up tickets； to her flat in Myogadani。 She let me
shower first and then she showered。 Lending me a bathrobe to wear
while my clothes dried； Midori changed into a polo shirt and skirt。 We
sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee。
〃Tell me about yourself；〃 Midori said。
〃What about me？〃
〃Hmm； I don't know； what do you hate？〃 〃Chicken and VD and
barbers who talk too much。〃 〃What else？〃
〃Lonely April nights and lacy telephone covers。〃 〃What else？〃
I shook my head。 〃I can't think of anything else。〃
〃My boyfriend … which is to say； my ex…boyfriend … had all kinds of
things he hated。 Like when I wore too…short skirts； or when I smoked；
or how I got drunk too quickly； or said disgusting things； or criticized
his friends。 So if there's anything about me you don't like； just tell me；
and I'll fix it if I can。〃
〃I can't think of anything；〃 I said after giving it some thought。 〃There's
nothing。〃
〃Really？〃
〃I like everything you wear； and I like what you do and say and how
you walk and how you get drunk。 Everything。〃
〃You mean I'm really OK just the way I am？〃
〃I don't know how you could change； so you must be fine the way you
are。〃
〃How much do you love me？〃 Midori asked。
〃Enough to melt all the tigers in the world to butter；〃 I said。 〃Far out；〃
she said with a hint of satisfaction。 〃Will you hold me again？〃
We got into her bed and held each other； kissing as the sound of the
rain filled our ears。 Then we talked about everything from the
formation of the universe to our preferences in the hardness of boiled
eggs。
〃I wonder what ants do on rainy days？〃 Midori asked。
〃No idea；〃 I said。 〃They're hard workers； so they probably spend the
day cleaning house or stock…taking。〃
〃If they work so hard； why don't they evolve？ They've been the same
for ever。〃
〃I don't know；〃 I said。 〃Maybe their body structure isn't suited to
evolving … pared with monkeys； say。〃
〃Hey； Watanabe； there's a lot of stuff you don't know。 I thought you
knew everything。〃
〃It's a big world out there；〃 I said。
〃High mountains； deep oceans；〃 Midori said。 She put her hand inside
my bathrobe and took hold of my erection。 Then； with a gulp； she
said； 〃Hey； Watanabe； joking aside； this isn't gonna work。 I could
never get this big； hard thing inside me。 No way。〃
〃You're kidding；〃 I said with a sigh。
〃Yup；〃 she said； giggling。 〃Don't worry。 It'll be just fine。 I'm sure it'll
fit。 Er； mind if I have a look？〃
〃Feel free。〃
Midori burrowed under the covers and groped me all over down there；
stretching the skin of my penis； weighing my testicles in the palm of
her hand。 Then she poked her head out and sighed。 〃I love it！〃 she
said。 〃No flattery intended！ I really love it！〃
〃Thank you；〃 I said with simple gratitude。
〃But really； Watanabe； you don't want to do it with me； do you … until
you get all that business straightened out？〃
〃There's no way I don't want to do it with you；〃 I said。 〃I'm going
crazy I want to do it so bad。 But it just wouldn't be right。〃
〃You're so damned stubborn！ If I were you； I'd just do it … then think
about it afterwards。〃
〃You would？〃
〃Only kidding；〃 Midori said in a tiny voice。 〃I probably wouldn't do it；
either； if I were you。 And that's what I love about you。 That's what I
really really love about you。〃
〃How much do you love me？〃 I asked； but she didn't answer。 Inst