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me。 We hadn't said a word to each other for two months。 After the end
of one lecture； she sat down next to me； propped her chin in her hand；
and sat there； saying nothing。
Beyond the window； it was raining … a really rainy…season rain；
pouring straight down without any wind； soaking every single thing
beneath。 Long after the other students had filed out of the classroom；
Midori went on sitting next to me without a word。 Then she took a
Marlboro from the pocket of her jeans jacket； put it between her lips；
and handed me her matches。 I struck a match and lit her cigarette。
Midori pursed her lips and blew a gentle cloud of tobacco in my face。
〃Like my hairstyle？〃 she asked。
〃It's great。〃
〃How great？〃
〃Great enough to knock down all the trees in all the forests of the
world。〃
〃You really think so？〃
〃I really think so。〃
She kept her eyes on mine for a while； then held her right hand out to
me。 I took it。 She looked even more relieved than I felt。 She tapped
her ashes onto the floor and rose to her feet。
〃Let's eat。 I'm starving；〃 she said。
〃Where do you want to go？〃 I asked。
〃To the restaurant of the Takashim aya department store in
Nihonbashi。〃
〃Why there of all places？〃
〃I like to go there sometimes； that's all。〃
And so we took the subway to Nihonbashi。 The place was practically
empty； maybe because it had been raining all morning。 The smell of
rain filled the big； cavernous department store； and all the employees
had that what…do…we…do…now？ kind of look。 Midori and I went to the
basement restaurant and； after a close inspection of the plastic food in
the window； both decided to have an old …fashioned cold lunch
assortment with rice and pickles and grilled fish and
tempura and teriyaki chicken。 Inside； it was far from crowded despite
it being midday。
〃God； how long has it been since I last had lunch in a department…
store restaurant？〃 I wondered aloud； drinking green tea from one of
those slick； white cups you only get in a department…store restaurant。
〃I like to do stuff like this；〃 said Midori。 〃I don't know； it makes me
feel like I'm doing something special。 Probably reminds me of when I
was a kid。 My parents almost never took me to department stores。〃
〃And I get the sneaking suspicion that's all mine ever did。 My mother
was crazy about them。〃
〃Lucky you！〃
〃What are you talking about？ I don't particularly like going to
department stores。〃
〃No； I mean； you were lucky they cared enough about you to take you
places。'…〃
〃Well； I was an only child；〃 I said。
〃When I was little I used to dream about going to a department…store
restaurant all by myself when I grew up and eating anything I liked。
But what an empty dream！ What's the fun of cramming your mouth
full of rice all alone in a place like this？ The food's not all that great；
and it's just big and crowded and stuffy and noisy。 Still； every once in
a while I think about ing here。〃
〃I've been really lonely these past two months；〃 I said。
〃Yeah； I know。 You told me in your letters；〃 Midori said； her voice
flat。 〃Anyway； let's eat。 That's all I can think about now。〃
We finished all the little fried and grilled and pickled items in the
separate partments of our fancy lacquered half…moon lunch boxes；
drank our clear soup from lacquered bowls； and our green tea from
those white cups。 Midori followed lunch with a cigarette。 When she
had finished smoking； she stood up without a word and took her
umbrella。 I also stood up and took mine。
〃Where do you want to go now？〃 I asked。
〃The roof； of course。 That's the next stop when you've had lunch in a
department…store restaurant。〃
There was no one on the roof in the rain； no clerk in the pet
department； and the shutters were closed in the kiosks and the
children's rides ticket booth。 We opened our umbrellas and wandered
among the soaking wet wooden horses and garden chairs and stalls。 It
seemed incredible to me that there could be anywhere so devoid of
people in the middle of Tokyo。 Midori said she wanted to look
through a telescope； so I put in a coin and held her umbrella over her
while she squinted through the eyepiece。
In one corner of the roof there was a covered game area with a row of
children's rides。 Midori and I sat next to each other on some kind of
platform and looked at the rain。
〃So talk；〃 Midori said。 〃You've got something you want to say to me；
I know。〃
〃I'm not trying to make excuses；〃 I said； 〃but I was really depressed
that time。 My brain was all fogged over。 Nothing was registering with
me。 But one thing became crystal clear to me when I couldn't see you
any more。 I realized that the only way I had been able to survive until
then was having you in my life。 When I lost you； the pain and
loneliness really got to me。〃
〃Don't you have any idea how painful and lonely it's been for me
without you these past two months？〃
This took me pletely off guard。 〃No；〃 I said。 〃It never occurred to
me。 I thought you were angry with me and didn't want to see me。〃
〃How can you be such an idiot？ Of course I wanted to see you！ I told
you how much I like you！ When I like somebody I really like them。 It
doesn't turn on and off for me just like that。 Don't you realize at least
that much about me？〃
〃Well； sure； but … 〃
〃That's why I was so mad at you！ I wanted to give you a good kick up
the arse。 I mean； we hadn't seen each other that whole time； and you
were so spaced out thinking about this other girl you didn't even look
at me！ How could I not get angry at you？ But apart from all that； I had
been feeling for a long time that it would be better for me if I kept
away from you for a while。 To get things clear in my head。〃
〃What kind of things？〃
〃Our relationship； of course。 It was getting to the point where I
enjoyed being with you far more than being with him。 I mean； don't
you think there's something weird about that？ And difficult？ Of course
I still like him。 He's a little self…centred and narrow…minded and kind
of a fascist； but he's got a lot of good points； and he's the first man I
ever felt serious about。 But you； well； you're special to me。 When I'm
with you I feel something is just right。 I believe in you。 I like you。 I
don't want to let you go。 I was getting more and more confused； so I
went to him and asked him what I should do。 He told me to stop
seeing you。 He said if I was going to see you； I should break up with
him。〃
〃So what did you do？〃
〃I broke up with him。 Just like that。〃 Midori put a Marlboro in her
mouth； shielded it with her hand as she lit up； and inhaled。
〃Why？〃
〃〃Why？'！〃 she screamed。 〃Are you crazy？ You know the English
subjunctive； you understand trigonometry； you can read Marx； and
you don't know the answer to something as simple as that？ Why do
you even have to ask？ Why do you have to make a girl say something
like this？ I like you more than I like him； that's all。 I wish I had fallen
in love with somebody a little more handsome； of course。 But I didn't。
I fell in love with you！〃
I tried to speak； but I felt the words catching in my throat。
Midori threw her cigarette into a pudd