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And said； 〃Old PETER； how de do？
Can I do anything for you？
〃I have three gifts … the first will give
Unbounded riches while you live；
The second health where'er you be；
The third； invisibility。〃
〃O little fairy PICKLEKIN；〃
Old PETER answered with a grin；
〃To hesitate would be absurd； …
Undoubtedly I choose the third。〃
〃'Tis yours；〃 the fairy said； 〃be quite
Invisible to mortal sight
Whene'er you please。 Remember me
Most kindly； pray； to MRS。 P。〃
Old MRS。 PETER overheard
Wee PICKLEKIN'S concluding word；
And； jealous of her girlhood's choice；
Said； 〃That was some young woman's voice：
Old PETER let her scold and swear …
Old PETER； bless him； didn't care。
〃My dear； your rage is wasted quite …
Observe； I disappear from sight！〃
A well…bred fairy （so I've heard）
Is always faithful to her word：
Old PETER vanished like a shot；
Put then … HIS SUIT OF CLOTHES DID NOT！
For when conferred the fairy slim
Invisibility on HIM；
She popped away on fairy wings；
Without referring to his 〃things。〃
So there remained a coat of blue；
A vest and double eyeglass too；
His tail； his shoes； his socks as well；
His pair of … no； I must not tell。
Old MRS。 PETER soon began
To see the failure of his plan；
And then resolved （I quote the Bard）
To 〃hoist him with his own petard。〃
Old PETER woke next day and dressed；
Put on his coat； and shoes； and vest；
His shirt and stock； BUT COULD NOT FIND
HIS ONLY PAIR OF … never mind！
Old PETER was a decent man；
And though he twigged his lady's plan；
Yet； hearing her approaching； he
Resumed invisibility。
〃Dear MRS。 P。； my only joy；〃
Exclaimed the horrified old boy；
〃Now； give them up； I beg of you …
You know what I'm referring to！〃
But no； the cross old lady swore
She'd keep his … what I said before …
To make him publicly absurd；
And MRS。 PETER kept her word。
The poor old fellow had no rest；
His coat； his stick； his shoes； his vest；
Were all that now met mortal eye …
The rest； invisibility！
〃Now； madam； give them up； I beg …
I've had rheumatics in my leg；
Besides； until you do； it's plain
I cannot come to sight again！
〃For though some mirth it might afford
To see my clothes without their lord；
Yet there would rise indignant oaths
If he were seen without his clothes！〃
But no； resolved to have her quiz；
The lady held her own … and his …
And PETER left his humble cot
To find a pair of … you know what。
But … here's the worst of the affair …
Whene'er he came across a pair
Already placed for him to don；
He was too stout to get them on！
So he resolved at once to train；
And walked and walked with all his main；
For years he paced this mortal earth；
To bring himself to decent girth。
At night； when all around is still；
You'll find him pounding up a hill；
And shrieking peasants whom he meets；
Fall down in terror on the peats！
Old PETER walks through wind and rain；
Resolved to train； and train； and train；
Until he weighs twelve stone' or so …
And when he does； I'll let you know。
Ballad： THE MYSTIC SELVAGEE。
PERHAPS already you may know
SIR BLENNERHASSET PORTICO？
A Captain in the Navy； he …
A Baronet and K。C。B。
You do？ I thought so！
It was that Captain's favourite whim
（A notion not confined to him）
That RODNEY was the greatest tar
Who ever wielded capstan…bar。
He had been taught so。
〃BENBOW！ CORNWALLIS！ HOOD！ … Belay！
Compared with RODNEY〃 … he would say …
〃No other tar is worth a rap！
The great LORD RODNEY was the chap
The French to polish！
〃Though； mind you； I respect LORD HOOD；
CORNWALLIS； too； was rather good；
BENBOW could enemies repel；
LORD NELSON； too； was pretty well …
That is； tol…lol…ish！〃
SIR BLENNERHASSET spent his days
In learning RODNEY'S little ways；
And closely imitated； too；
His mode of talking to his crew …
His port and paces。
An ancient tar he tried to catch
Who'd served in RODNEY'S famous batch；
But since his time long years have fled；
And RODNEY'S tars are mostly dead：
EHEU FUGACES！
But after searching near and far；
At last he found an ancient tar
Who served with RODNEY and his crew
Against the French in 'Eighty…two；
（That gained the peerage）。
He gave him fifty pounds a year；
His rum； his baccy； and his beer；
And had a comfortable den
Rigged up in what； by merchantmen；
Is called the steerage。
〃Now； JASPER〃 … 't was that sailor's name …
〃Don't fear that you'll incur my blame
By saying； when it seems to you；
That there is anything I do
That RODNEY wouldn't。〃
The ancient sailor turned his quid；
Prepared to do as he was bid：
〃Ay； ay； yer honour； to begin；
You've done away with 'swifting in' …
Well； sir； you shouldn't！
〃Upon your spars I see you've clapped
Peak halliard blocks； all iron…capped。
I would not christen that a crime；
But 'twas not done in RODNEY'S time。
It looks half…witted！
Upon your maintop…stay； I see；
You always clap a selvagee！
Your stays； I see； are equalized …
No vessel； such as RODNEY prized；
Would thus be fitted！
〃And RODNEY； honoured sir； would grin
To see you turning deadeyes in；
Not UP； as in the ancient way；
But downwards； like a cutter's stay …
You didn't oughter；
Besides； in seizing shrouds on board；
Breast backstays you have quite ignored；
Great RODNEY kept unto the last
Breast backstays on topgallant mast …
They make it tauter。〃
SIR BLENNERHASSET 〃swifted in；〃
Turned deadeyes up； and lent a fin
To strip （as told by JASPER KNOX）
The iron capping from his blocks；
Where there was any。
SIR BLENNERHASSET does away；
With selvagees from maintop…stay；
And though it makes his sailors stare；
He rigs breast backstays everywhere …
In fact； too many。
One morning； when the saucy craft
Lay calmed； old JASPER toddled aft。
〃My mind misgives me； sir； that we
Were wrong about that selvagee …
I should restore it。〃
〃Good；〃 said the Captain； and that day
Restored it to the maintop…stay。
Well…practised sailors often make
A much more serious mistake；
And then ignore it。
Next day old JASPER came once more：
〃I think； sir； I was right before。〃
Well； up the mast the sailors skipped；
The selvagee was soon unshipped；
And all were merry。
Again a day； and JASPER came：
〃I p'r'aps deserve your honour's blame；
I can't make up my mind；〃 said he；
〃About that cursed selvagee …
It's foolish … very。
〃On Monday night I could have sworn
That maintop…stay it should adorn；
On Tuesday morning I could swear
That selvagee should not be there。
The knot's a rasper！〃
〃Oh； you be hanged；〃 said CAPTAIN P。；
〃Here； go ashore at Caribbee。
Get out … good bye … shove off … all right！〃
Old JASPER soon was out of sight …
Farewell； old JASPER！
Ballad： PHRENOLOGY。
〃COME； collar this bad man …
Ar