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CHAPTER 10
The room to which she had fled was lit only by a single candle。 She
lay back on a great sofa； her dress undone； holding one hand on her heart；
and letting the other hang by her side。 On the table was a basin half full of
water； and the water was stained with streaks of blood。
Very pale； her mouth half open； Marguerite tried to recover breath。
Now and again her bosom was raised by a long sigh； which seemed to
relieve her a little； and for a few seconds she would seem to be quite
comfortable。
I went up to her； she made no movement； and I sat down and took the
hand which was lying on the sofa。
〃Ah！ it is you；〃 she said； with a smile。
I must have looked greatly agitated； for she added：
〃Are you unwell； too？〃
〃No； but you： do you still suffer？〃
〃Very little；〃 and she wiped off with her handkerchief the tears which
the coughing had brought to her eyes； 〃I am used to it now。〃
〃You are killing yourself； madame；〃 I said to her in a moved voice。 〃I
wish I were a friend； a relation of yours； that I might keep you from doing
yourself harm like this。〃
〃Ah！ it is really not worth your while to alarm yourself；〃 she replied in
a somewhat bitter tone； 〃see how much notice the others take of me！ They
know too well that there is nothing to be done。〃
Thereupon she got up； and； taking the candle； put it on the mantel…
piece and looked at herself in the glass。
〃How pale I am！〃 she said； as she fastened her dress and passed her
fingers over her loosened hair。 〃Come； let us go back to supper。 Are you
coming？〃
I sat still and did not move。
She saw how deeply I had been affected by the whole scene； and；
coming up to me； held out her hand； saying：
〃Come now； let us go。〃
I took her hand； raised it to my lips； and in spite of myself two tears
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fell upon it。
〃Why； what a child you are！〃 she said； sitting down by my side again。
〃You are crying！ What is the matter？〃
〃I must seem very silly to you； but I am frightfully troubled by what I
have just seen。〃
〃You are very good！ What would you have of me？ I can not sleep。 I
must amuse myself a little。 And then； girls like me； what does it matter；
one more or less？ The doctors tell me that the blood I spit up comes from
my throat； I pretend to believe them； it is all I can do for them。〃
〃Listen； Marguerite；〃 I said； unable to contain myself any longer； 〃I do
not know what influence you are going to have over my life； but at this
present moment there is no one； not even my sister； in whom I feel the
interest which I feel in you。 It has been just the same ever since I saw you。
Well； for Heaven's sake； take care of yourself； and do not live as you are
living now。〃
〃If I took care of myself I should die。 All that supports me is the
feverish life I lead。 Then； as for taking care of oneself； that is all very well
for women with families and friends； as for us； from the moment we can
no longer serve the vanity or the pleasure of our lovers； they leave us； and
long nights follow long days。 I know it。 I was in bed for two months； and
after three weeks no one came to see me。〃
〃It is true I am nothing to you；〃 I went on； 〃but if you will let me； I
will look after you like a brother； I will never leave your side； and I will
cure you。 Then； when you are strong again； you can go back to the life you
are leading； if you choose； but I am sure you will come to prefer a quiet
life； which will make you happier and keep your beauty unspoiled。〃
〃You think like that to…night because the wine has made you sad； but
you would never have the patience that you pretend to。〃
〃Permit me to say； Marguerite； that you were ill for two months； and
that for two months I came to ask after you every day。〃
〃It is true； but why did you not come up？〃
〃Because I did not know you then。〃
〃Need you have been so particular with a girl like me？〃
〃One must always be particular with a woman； it is what I feel； at
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least。〃
〃So you would look after me？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃You would stay by me all day？〃
〃Yes。
〃And even all night？〃
〃As long as I did not weary you。〃
〃And what do you call that？〃
〃Devotion。〃
〃And what does this devotion come from？〃
〃The irresistible sympathy which I have for you。〃
〃So you are in love with me？ Say it straight out； it is much more
simple。〃
〃It is possible； but if I am to say it to you one day； it is not to…day。〃
〃You will do better never to say it。〃
〃Why？〃
〃Because only one of two things can come of it。〃
〃What？〃
〃Either I shall not accept： then you will have a grudge against me； or I
shall accept： then you will have a sorry mistress； a woman who is nervous；
ill； sad； or gay with a gaiety sadder than grief； a woman who spits blood
and spends a hundred thousand francs a year。 That is all very well for a
rich old man like the duke； but it is very bad for a young man like you； and
the proof of it is that all the young lovers I have had have very soon left
me。〃 I did not answer； I listened。 This frankness； which was almost a kind
of confession； the sad life； of which I caught some glimpse through the
golden veil which covered it； and whose reality the poor girl sought to
escape in dissipation； drink； and wakefulness； impressed me so deeply that
I could not utter a single word。
〃Come；〃 continued Marguerite； 〃we are talking mere childishness。
Give me your arm and let us go back to the dining…room。 They won't know
what we mean by our absence。〃
〃Go in； if you like； but allow me to stay here。〃
〃Why？〃
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〃Because your mirth hurts me。〃
〃Well； I will be sad。〃
〃Marguerite； let me say to you something which you have no doubt
often heard； so often that the habit of hearing it has made you believe it no
longer； but which is none the less real； and which I will never repeat。〃
〃And that is 。 。 。 ？〃 she said； with the smile of a young mother listening
to some foolish notion of her child。
〃It is this； that ever since I have seen you； I