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throwing out of the window in a little heap in front of him； all except the
egg。 He had evidently been collecting them。 He said：
〃Are these things yours？〃
I said： 〃They were mine； but personally I have done with them。
Anybody can have themyou can have them。〃
He ignored my offer。 He said：
〃You threw these things out of window。〃
〃You are right；〃 I admitted； 〃I did。〃
〃Why did you throw them out of window？〃 he asked。 A German
policeman has his code of questions arranged for him； he never varies
them； and he never omits one。
〃I threw them out of the window at some cats；〃 I answered。
〃What cats？〃 he asked。
It was the sort of question a German policeman would ask。 I replied
with as much sarcasm as I could put into my accent that I was ashamed to
say I could not tell him what cats。 I explained that； personally； they were
strangers to me； but I offered； if the police would call all the cats in the
district together； to come round and see if I could recognise them by their
yaul。
The German policeman does not understand a joke； which is perhaps
on the whole just as well； for I believe there is a heavy fine for joking with
any German uniform； they call it 〃treating an official with contumely。〃
He merely replied that it was not the duty of the police to help me
recognise the cats； their duty was merely to fine me for throwing things
out of window。
I asked what a man was supposed to do in Germany when woke up
night after night by cats； and he explained that I could lodge an
information against the owner of the cat； when the police would proceed
to caution him； and； if necessary； order the cat to be destroyed。 Who was
going to destroy the cat； and what the cat would be doing during the
process； he did not explain。
I asked him how he proposed I should discover the owner of the cat。
He thought for a while； and then suggested that I might follow it home。 I
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did not feel inclined to argue with him any more after that； I should only
have said things that would have made the matter worse。 As it was； that
night's sport cost me twelve marks； and not a single one of the four
German officials who interviewed me on the subject could see anything
ridiculous in the proceedings from beginning to end。
But in Germany most human faults and follies sink into comparative
insignificance beside the enormity of walking on the grass。 Nowhere； and
under no circumstances； may you at any time in Germany walk on the
grass。 Grass in Germany is quite a fetish。 To put your foot on German
grass would be as great a sacrilege as to dance a hornpipe on a
Mohammedan's praying…mat。 The very dogs respect German grass； no
German dog would dream of putting a paw on it。 If you see a dog
scampering across the grass in Germany； you may know for certain that it
is the dog of some unholy foreigner。 In England； when we want to keep
dogs out of places； we put up wire netting； six feet high； supported by
buttresses； and defended on the top by spikes。 In Germany； they put a
notice…board in the middle of the place； 〃Hunden verboten；〃 and a dog that
has German blood in its veins looks at that notice…board and walks away。
In a German park I have seen a gardener step gingerly with felt boots on to
grass…plot； and removing therefrom a beetle； place it gravely but firmly on
the gravel； which done； he stood sternly watching the beetle； to see that it
did not try to get back on the grass； and the beetle； looking utterly
ashamed of itself； walked hurriedly down the gutter； and turned up the
path marked 〃Ausgang。〃
In German parks separate roads are devoted to the different orders of
the community； and no one person； at peril of liberty and fortune； may go
upon another person's road。 There are special paths for 〃wheel…riders〃
and special paths for 〃foot…goers；〃 avenues for 〃horse…riders；〃 roads for
people in light vehicles； and roads for people in heavy vehicles； ways for
children and for 〃alone ladies。〃 That no particular route has yet been set
aside for bald…headed men or 〃new women〃 has always struck me as an
omission。
In the Grosse Garten in Dresden I once came across an old lady；
standing； helpless and bewildered； in the centre of seven tracks。 Each was
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guarded by a threatening notice； warning everybody off it but the person
for whom it was intended。
〃I am sorry to trouble you；〃 said the old lady； on learning I could speak
English and read German； 〃but would you mind telling me what I am and
where I have to go？〃
I inspected her carefully。 I came to the conclusion that she was a
〃grown…up〃 and a 〃foot…goer；〃 and pointed out her path。 She looked at it；
and seemed disappointed。
〃But I don't want to go down there；〃 she said； 〃mayn't I go this way？〃
〃Great heavens； no； madam！〃 I replied。 〃That path is reserved for
children。〃
〃But I wouldn't do them any harm；〃 said the old lady； with a smile。 She
did not look the sort of old lady who would have done them any harm。
〃Madam；〃 I replied； 〃if it rested with me； I would trust you down that
path； though my own first…born were at the other end； but I can only
inform you of the laws of this country。 For you； a full… grown woman； to
venture down that path is to go to certain fine； if not imprisonment。
There is your path； marked plainlyNur fur Fussganger； and if you will
follow my advice； you will hasten down it； you are not allowed to stand
here and hesitate。〃
〃It doesn't lead a bit in the direction I want to go；〃 said the old lady。
〃It leads in the direction you OUGHT to want to go；〃 I replied； and we
parted。
In the German parks there are special seats labelled； 〃Only for grown…
ups〃 （Nur fur Erwachsene）； and the German small boy； anxious to sit
down； and reading that notice； passes by； and hunts for a seat on which