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in the peculiarly hurried manner of one who wishes to announce
something obviously unwelcome； but no longer admitting of
reconsideration； 〃you know； I suppose； that I am going to marry
Avdotia Epifanov。〃 He paused a moment。 〃Hitherto I had had no
desire for any one to succeed your mother； but〃and again he
paused〃it…it is evidently my fate。 Dunetchka is an excellent；
kind girl； and no longer in her first youth。 I hope； therefore；
my children； that you will like her； and she； I know； will be
sincerely fond of you； for she is a good woman。 And now；〃 he went
on； addressing himself more particularly to Woloda and myself；
and having the appearance of speaking hurriedly in order to
prevent us from interrupting him； 〃it is time for you to depart；
while I myself am going to stay here until the New Year； and then
to follow you to Moscow with〃again he hesitated a moment〃my
wife and Lubotshka。〃 It hurt me to see my father standing as
though abashed and at fault before us； so I moved a little nearer
him； but Woloda only went on walking about the room with his head
down； and smoking。
〃So； my children； that is what your old father has planned to
do；〃 concluded Papareddening； coughing； and offering Woloda and
myself his hands。 Tears were in his eyes as he said this； and I
noticed； too； that the hand which he was holding out to Woloda
（who at that moment chanced to be at the other end of the room）
was shaking slightly。 The sight of that shaking hand gave me an
unpleasant shock； for I remembered that Papa had served in 1812；
and had been； as every one knew； a brave officer。 Seizing the
great veiny hand； I covered it with kisses； and he squeezed mine
hard in return。 Then； with a sob amid his tears； he suddenly
threw his arms around Lubotshka's dark head； and kissed her again
and again on the eyes。 Woloda pretended that he had dropped his
pipe； and； bending down； wiped his eyes furtively with the back
of his hand。 Then； endeavouring to escape notice； he left the
room。
XXXVI
THE UNIVERSITY
THE wedding was to take place in two weeks' time； but； as our
lectures had begun already； Woloda and myself were forced to
return to Moscow at the beginning of September。 The Nechludoffs
had also returned from the country； and Dimitri （with whom； on
parting； I had made an agreement that we should correspond
frequently with the result； of course； that we had never once
written to one another） came to see us immediately after our
arrival； and arranged to escort me to my first lecture on the
morrow。
It was a beautiful sunny day。 No sooner had I entered the
auditorium than I felt my personality entirely disappear amid the
swarm of light…hearted youths who were seething tumultuously
through every doorway and corridor under the influence of the
sunlight pouring through the great windows。 I found the sense of
being a member of this huge community very pleasing； yet there
were few among the throng whom I knew； and that only on terms of
a nod and a 〃How do you do； Irtenieff？〃
All around me men were shaking hands and chatting togetherfrom
every side came expressions of friendship； laughter； jests； and
badinage。 Everywhere I could feel the tie which bound this
youthful society in one； and everywhere； too； I could feel that
it left me out。 Yet this impression lasted for a moment only； and
was succeeded； together with the vexation which it had caused； by
the idea that it was best that I should not belong to that
society； but keep to my own circle of gentlemen； wherefore I
proceeded to seat myself upon the third bench； with； as neigh~
hours； Count B。； Baron Z。； the Prince R。； Iwin； and some other
young men of the same class with none of whom； however； was
acquainted save with Iwin and Count B。 Yet the look which these
young gentlemen threw at me at once made me feel that I was not
of their set； and I turned to observe what was going on around
me。 Semenoff； with grey； matted hair； white teeth； and tunic
flying open； was seated a little distance off； and leaning
forward on his elbows as he nibbled a pen； while the gymnasium
student who had come out first in the examinations had
established himself on the front bench； and； with a black stock
coming half…way up his cheek； was toying with the silver watch…
chain which adorned his satin waistcoat。 On a bench in a raised
part of the hall I could descry Ikonin （evidently he had
contrived to enter the University somehow！）； and hear him fussily
proclaiming； in all the glory of blue piped trousers which
completely hid his boots； that he was now seated on Parnassus。
Ilinkawho had surprised me by giving me a bow not only cold；
but supercilious； as though to remind me that here we were all
equalswas just in front of me； with his legs resting in free and
easy style on another bench （a hit； somehow I thought； at
myself）； and conversing with a student as he threw occasional
glances in my direction。 Iwin's set by my side were talking in
French； yet every word which I overheard of their conversation
seemed to me both stupid and incorrect （〃Ce n'est pas francais；〃
I thought to myself）； while all the attitudes； utterances； and
doings of Semenoff； Ilinka； and the rest struck me as uniformly
coarse； ungentlemanly； and 〃comme il ne faut pas。〃
Thus； attached to no particular set； I felt isolated and unable
to make friends； and so grew resentful。 One of the students on
the bench in front of me kept biting his nails； which were raw to
the quick already； and this so disgusted me that I edged away
from him。 In short； I remember finding my first day a most
depressing affair。
When the professor entered； and there was a general stir and a
cessation of chatter； I remember throwing a scornful glance at
him； as also that he began his discourse with a sentence which I
thought devoid of meaning。 I had expected the lecture to be； from
first to last； so clever that not a word ought to be taken from
or added to it。 Disappointed in this； I at once proceeded to draw
beneath the heading 〃First Lecture〃 with which I had adorned my
beautifully…bound notebook no less than eighteen faces in
profile； joined together in a sort of chaplet； and only
occasionally moved my hand along the page in order to give the
professor （who； I felt sure； must be greatly interested in me）
the impression that I was writing something。 In fact； at this
very first lecture I came to the decision which I maintained to
the end of my course； namely； that it was unnecessary； and even
stupid； to take down every word said by every professor。
At subsequent lectures； however； I did not feel my isolation so
strongly； since I made several acquaintances and got into the way
of shaking hands and entering into conversation。 Yet for some
reason or another no real intimacy ever sprang up between us； and
I often found myself depressed and only feigning cheerfulness。
With the set which comprised Iwin and 〃the aristocrats；〃 as they
were gener