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The Bab Ballads
〃Decide！〃 quoth they； 〃let him be named； Who henceforth as his wife
may rank you。〃 〃I've changed my views；〃 the maiden said； 〃I only marry
curates； thank you！〃
Says FREDDY； 〃Here is goings on！ To bust myself with rage I'm
ready。〃 〃I'll be a curate！〃 whispers JOHN … 〃And I；〃 exclaimed poetic
FREDDY。
But while they read for it； these chaps； The curate booked the maiden
bonny … And when she's buried him； perhaps； She'll marry FREDERICK
or JOHNNY。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： Sir Guy The Crusader
Sir GUY was a doughty crusader； A muscular knight； Ever ready to
fight； A very determined invader； And DICKEY DE LION'S delight。
LENORE was a Saracen maiden； Brunette； statuesque； The reverse of
grotesque； Her pa was a bagman from Aden； Her mother she played in
burlesque。
A CORYPHEE； pretty and loyal； In amber and red The ballet she led；
Her mother performed at the Royal； LENORE at the Saracen's Head。
Of face and of figure majestic； She dazzled the cits … Ecstaticised pits；
… Her troubles were only domestic； But drove her half out of her wits。
Her father incessantly lashed her； On water and bread She was
grudgingly fed； Whenever her father he thrashed her Her mother sat down
on her head。
GUY saw her； and loved her； with reason； For beauty so bright Sent
him mad with delight； He purchased a stall for the season； And sat in it
every night。
His views were exceedingly proper； He wanted to wed； So he called at
her shed And saw her progenitor whop her … Her mother sit down on her
head。
〃So pretty；〃 said he； 〃and so trusting！ You brute of a dad； You
unprincipled cad； Your conduct is really disgusting； Come； come； now
admit it's too bad！
〃You're a turbaned old Turk； and malignant … Your daughter LENORE
I intensely adore； And I cannot help feeling indignant； A fact that I hinted
before；
〃To see a fond father employing A deuce of a knout For to bang her
about； To a sensitive lover's annoying。〃 Said the bagman； 〃Crusader； get
out。〃
Says GUY； 〃Shall a warrior laden With a big spiky knob； Sit in peace
on his cob While a beautiful Saracen maiden Is whipped by a Saracen
snob？
〃To London I'll go from my charmer。〃 Which he did； with his loot
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The Bab Ballads
（Seven hats and a flute）； And was nabbed for his Sydenham armour At MR。
BEN…SAMUEL'S suit。
SIR GUY he was lodged in the Compter； Her pa； in a rage； Died （don't
know his age）； His daughter； she married the prompter； Grew bulky and
quitted the stage。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： Haunted
Haunted？ Ay； in a social way By a body of ghosts in dread array； But
no conventional spectres they … Appalling； grim； and tricky： I quail at mine
as I'd never quail At a fine traditional spectre pale； With a turnip head and
a ghostly wail； And a splash of blood on the dickey！
Mine are horrible； social ghosts； … Speeches and women and guests and
hosts； Weddings and morning calls and toasts； In every bad variety： Ghosts
who hover about the grave Of all that's manly； free； and brave： You'll find
their names on the architrave Of that charnel…house； Society。
Black Monday … black as its school…room ink … With its dismal boys
that snivel and think Of its nauseous messes to eat and drink； And its
frozen tank to wash in。 That was the first that brought me grief； And made
me weep； till I sought relief In an emblematical handkerchief； To choke
such baby bosh in。
First and worst in the grim array… Ghosts of ghosts that have gone their
way； Which I wouldn't revive for a single day For all the wealth of
PLUTUS … Are the horrible ghosts that school…days scared： If the classical
ghost that BRUTUS dared Was the ghost of his 〃Caesar〃 unprepared； I'm
sure I pity BRUTUS。
I pass to critical seventeen； The ghost of that terrible wedding scene；
When an elderly Colonel stole my Queen； And woke my dream of heaven。
No schoolgirl decked in her nurse…room curls Was my gushing innocent
Queen of Pearls； If she wasn't a girl of a thousand girls； She was one of
forty…seven！
I see the ghost of my first cigar； Of the thence…arising family jar … Of
my maiden brief （I was at the Bar； And I called the Judge 〃Your wushup！〃）
Of reckless days and reckless nights； With wrenched…off knockers；
extinguished lights； Unholy songs and tipsy fights； Which I strove in vain
to hush up。
Ghosts of fraudulent joint…stock banks； Ghosts of 〃copy； declined with
thanks；〃 Of novels returned in endless ranks； And thousands more； I suffer。
The only line to fitly grace My humble tomb； when I've run my race； Is；
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The Bab Ballads
〃Reader； this is the resting…place Of an unsuccessful duffer。〃
I've fought them all； these ghosts of mine； But the weapons I've used
are sighs and brine； And now that I'm nearly forty…nine； Old age is my
chiefest bogy； For my hair is thinning away at the crown； And the silver
fights with the worn…out brown； And a general verdict sets me down As an
irreclaimable fogy。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： The Bishop And The
'Busman
It was a Bishop bold； And London was his see； He was short and stout
and round about And zealous as could be。
It also was a Jew； Who drove a Putney 'bus … For flesh of swine
however fine He did not care a cuss。
His name was HASH BAZ BEN； And JEDEDIAH too； And
SOLOMON and ZABULON … This 'bus…directing Jew。
The Bishop said； said he； 〃I'll see what I can do To Christianise and
make you wise； You poor benighted Jew。〃
So every blessed day That 'bus he rode outside； From Fulham town；
both up and down； And loudly thus he cried：
〃His name is HASH BAZ BEN； And JEDEDIAH too； And
SOLOMON and ZABULON … This 'bus…directing Jew。〃
At first the 'busman smiled； And rather liked the