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humor to talk when no strangers were presenthe forced us to stay and
take luncheon in a private room； and continued to talk all the time。 It
was baked beans； but how 'he sits and towers；' Howells said； quoting
Dame。 Grant remembered 'Squibob' Derby （John Phoenix） at West Point very
well。 He said that Derby was always drawing caricatures of the
professors and playing jokes on every body。 He told a thing which I had
heard before but had never seen in print。 A professor questioning a
class concerning certain particulars of a possible siege said； 'Suppose a
thousand men are besieging a fortress whose equipment of provisions is
so…and…so； it is a military axiom that at the end of forty…five days the
fort will surrender。 Now； young men； if any of you were in command of
such a fortress； how would you proceed？'
〃Derby held up his hand in token that he had an answer for that question。
He said； 'I would march out； let the enemy in； and at the end of forty…
five days I would change places with him。'
〃I tried hard； during that interview； to get General Grant to agree to
write his personal memoirs for publication； but he wouldn't listen to the
suggestion。 His inborn diffidence made him shrink from voluntarily
coming before the public and placing himself under criticism as an
author。 He had no confidence in his ability to write well； whereas we
all know now that he possessed an admirable literary gift and style。 He
was also sure that the book would have no sale； and of course that would
be a humility too。 I argued that the book would have an enormous sale；
and that out of my experience I could save him from making unwise
contracts with publishers； and would have the contract arranged in such a
way that they could not swindle him； but he said he had no necessity for
any addition to his income。 Of course he could not foresee that he was
camping on a volcano； that as Ward's partner he was a ruined man even
then； and of course I had no suspicion that in four years from that time
I would become his publisher。 He would not agree to write his memoirs。
He only said that some day he would make very full notes and leave them
behind him； and then if his children chose to make them into a book they
could do so。 We came away then。 He fulfilled his promise entirely
concerning Howells's father； who held his office until he resigned of his
own accord。〃
CXXXVI
〃THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER〃
During the summer absence alterations were made in the Hartford home；
with extensive decorations by Tiffany。 The work was not completed when
the family returned。 Clemens wrote to Charles Warren Stoddard； then in
the Sandwich Islands； that the place was full of carpenters and
decorators； whereas what they really needed was 〃an incendiary。〃
If the house would only burn down we would pack up the cubs and fly to
the isles of the blest； and shut ourselves up in the healing solitudes of
the crater of Haleakala and get a good rest； for the mails do not intrude
there； nor yet the telephone and the telegraph； and after resting we
would come down the mountain a piece and board with a godly； breech…
clouted native； and eat poi and dirt； and give thanks to whom all thanks
belong for these privileges； and never housekeep any more。
They had acquired more ground。 One morning in the spring Mark Twain had
looked out of his window just in time to see a man lift an ax to cut down
a tree on the lot which lay between his own and that of his neighbor。 He
had heard that a house was to be built there； altogether too close to him
for comfort and privacy。 Leaning out of the window he called sonorously；
〃Woodman； spare that tree！〃 Then he hurried down； obtained a stay of
proceedings； and without delay purchased the lot from the next…door
neighbor who owned it； acquiring thereby one hundred feet of extra ground
and a greenhouse which occupied it。 It was a costly purchase； the owner
knew he could demand his own price； he asked and received twelve thousand
dollars for the strip。
In November； Clemens found that he must make another trip to Canada。
'The Prince and the Pauper' was ready for issue； and to insure Canadian
copyright the author must cross the line in person。 He did not enjoy the
prospect of a cold…weather trip to the north； and tried to tempt Howells
to go with him； but only succeeded in persuading Osgood； who would do
anything or go anywhere that offered the opportunity for pleasant company
and junket。
It was by no means an unhappy fortnight。 Clemens took a note…book； and
there are plenty of items that give reality to that long…ago excursion。
He found the Canadian girls so pretty that he records it as a relief now
and then to see a plain one。 On another page he tells how one night in
the hotel a mouse gnawed and kept him awake； and how he got up and hunted
for it； hoping to destroy it。 He made a rebus picture for the children
of this incident in a letter home。
We get a glimpse just here of how he was constantly viewing himself as
literary materialhuman materialan example from which some literary
aspect or lesson may be drawn。 Following the mouse adventure we find it
thus dramatized：
Trace Father Brebeuf all through this trip； and when I am in a rage
and can't endure the mouse be reading of Brebeuf's marvelous
endurances and be shamed。
And finally； after chasing the bright…eyed rascal several days； and
throwing things and trying to jump on him when in my overshoes； he
darts away with those same bright eyes； then straightway I read
Brebeuf's magnificent martyrdom； and turn in； subdued and wondering。
By and by the thought occurs to me； Brebeuf； with his good； great
heart would spare even that poor humble mousieand for his sake so
will II will throw the trap in the firejump out of bed； reach
under； fetch out the trap； and find him throttled there and not two
minutes dead。
They gave him a dinner in Montreal。 Louis Frechette； the Canadian poet；
was there and Clemens addressed him handsomely in the response he made to
the speech of welcome。 From that moment Frechette never ceased to adore
Mark Twain； and visited him soon after the return to Hartford。
'The Prince and the Pauper' was published in England； Canada； Germany；
and America early in December； 1881。 There had been no stint of money；
and it was an extremely handsome book。 The pen…and…ink drawings were
really charming； and they were lavish as to number。 It was an attractive
volume from every standpoint； and it was properly dedicated 〃To those
good…mannered and agreeable children； Susy and Clara Clemens。〃
The story itself was totally unlike anything that Mark Twain had done
before。 Enough of its plan and purpose has been given in former chapters
to make a synopsis of it unnecessary here。 The story of the wandering
prince and the pauper kingan impressive picture of ancient legal and
regal crueltyis as fine and consistent a tale as exists in the realm of
pure romance。 Unlike its great successor； the 'Yankee at King Arthur's
Court'； it never sacrifices the illusion to the burlesque； while through
it all there runs a