按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
But the young man was not enthusiastic。 He was a Swede and slow of
action。 He resolutely declared that he was not ready to marry yet； and
in the end refused to do so。 Then came the dramatic moment。 Clemens
quietly but firmly informed him that the wedding ceremony must take
place； that by infesting his premises he had broken the law； not only
against trespass； but most likely against house…breaking。 There was a
brief discussion of this point。 Finally Clemens gave him five minutes to
make up his mind； with the statement that he had an officer in waiting；
and unless he would consent to the wedding he would be taken in charge。
The young man began to temporize； saying that it would be necessary for
him to get a license and a preacher。 But Clemens stepped to the door of
the bath…room； opened it； and let out Twichell； who had been sweltering
there in that fearful place for more than an hour； it being August。 The
delinquent lover found himself confronted with all the requisites of
matrimony except the bride； and just then this detail appeared on the
scene； dressed for the occasion。 Behind her ranged the rest of the
servants and a few invited guests。 Before the young man knew it he had a
wife； and on the whole did not seem displeased。 It ended with a gay
supper and festivities。 Then Clemens started them handsomely by giving
each of them a check for one hundred dollars； and in truth （which in this
case； at least； is stranger than fiction） they lived happily and
prosperously ever after。
Some years later Mark Twain based a story on this episode； but it was
never entirely satisfactory and remains unpublished。
CXIV
THE WHITTIER BIRTHDAY SPEECH
It was the night of December 17； 1877； that Mark Twain made his
unfortunate speech at the dinner given by the Atlantic staff to John G。
Whittier on his seventieth birthday。 Clemens had attended a number of
the dinners which the Atlantic gave on one occasion or another； and had
provided a part of the entertainment。 It is only fair to say that his
after…dinner speeches at such times had been regarded as very special
events； genuine triumphs of humor and delivery。 But on this particular
occasion he determined to outdo himself； to prepare something unusual；
startling； something altogether unheard of。
When Mark Twain had an impulse like that it was possible for it to result
in something dangerous； especially in those earlier days。 This time it
produced a bombshell； not just an ordinary bombshell； or even a twelve…
inch projectile； but a shell of planetary size。 It was a sort of hoax…
always a doubtful playthingand in this case it brought even quicker and
more terrible retribution than usual。 It was an imaginary presentation
of three disreputable frontier tramps who at some time had imposed
themselves on a lonely miner as Longfellow； Emerson； and Holmes； quoting
apposite selections from their verses to the accompaniment of cards and
drink； and altogether conducting themselves in a most unsavory fashion。
At the end came the enlightenment that these were not what they pretended
to be； but only impostorsdisgusting frauds。 A feature like that would
be a doubtful thing to try in any cultured atmosphere。 The thought of
associating； ever so remotely； those three old bummers which he had
conjured up with the venerable and venerated Emerson； Longfellow； and
Holmes； the Olympian trinity； seems ghastly enough to…day； and must have
seemed even more so then。 But Clemens； dazzled by the rainbow splendor
of his conception； saw in it only a rare colossal humor； which would
fairly lift and bear his hearers along on a tide of mirth。 He did not
show his effort to any one beforehand。 He wanted its full beauty to
burst upon the entire company as a surprise。
It did that。 Howells was toastmaster； and when he came to present
Clemens he took particular pains to introduce him as one of his foremost
contributors and dearest friends。 Here； he said； was 〃a humorist who
never left you hanging you head for having enjoyed his joke。〃
Thirty years later Clemens himself wrote of his impressions as he rose to
deliver his speech。
I vaguely remember some of the details of that gathering： dimly I
can see a hundred peopleno； perhaps fiftyshadowy figures；
sitting at tables feeding； ghosts now to me； and nameless
forevermore。 I don't know who they were； but I can very distinctly
see； seated at the grand table and facing the rest of us； Mr。
Emerson； supernaturally grave； unsmiling； Mr。 Whittier； grave；
lovely； his beautiful spirit shining out of his face； Mr。
Longfellow； with his silken…white hair and his benignant face； Dr。
Oliver Wendell Holmes； flashing smiles and affection and all good…
fellowship everywhere； like a rose…diamond whose facets are being
turned toward the light； first one way and then anothera charming
man； and always fascinating； whether he was talking or whether he
was sitting still （what he would call still； but what would be more
or less motion to other people）。 I can see those figures with
entire distinctiness across this abyss of time。
William Winter； the poet； had just preceded him； and it seemed a moment
aptly chosen for his so…different theme。 〃And then；〃 to quote Howells；
〃the amazing mistake； the bewildering blunder； the cruel catastrophe was
upon us。〃
After the first two or three hundred words； when the general plan and
purpose of the burlesque had developed； when the names of Longfellow；
Emerson； and Holmes began to be flung about by those bleary outcasts； and
their verses given that sorry association； those Atlantic diners became
petrified with amazement and horror。 Too late； then； the speaker
realized his mistake。 He could not stop； he must go on to the ghastly
end。 And somehow he did it； while 〃there fell a silence weighing many
tons to the square inch； which deepened from moment to moment； and was
broken only by the hysterical and blood…curdling laughter of a single
guest； whose name shall not be handed down to infamy。〃
Howells can remember little more than that； but Clemens recalls that one
speaker made an effort to follow himBishop； the novelist； and that
Bishop didn't last long。
It was not many sentences after his first before he began to
hesitate and break； and lose his grip； and totter and wobble； and at
last he slumped down in a limp and mushy pile。
The next man had not strength to rise； and somehow the company broke up。
Howells's next recollection is of being in a room of the hotel； and of
hearing Charles Dudley Warner saying in the gloom：
〃Well； Mark； you're a funny fellow。〃
He remembers how； after a sleepless night； Clemens went out to buy some
bric…a…brac； with a soul far from bric…a…brac； and returned to Hartford
in a writhing agony of spirit。 He believed that he was ruined forever；
so far as his Boston associations were concerned； and when he confessed
all the tragedy to Mrs。 Clemens it seemed to her also that the mistake
could never be wholly repaired。 The fact that certain papers quoted the
speech and spoke well of it； and certain reader