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have tried to make Gaston out an adventurer； your husband would have
set detectives on the dear boy。 I preferred to sift him for myself。 He
has been wooing me now close on two years。 I am twenty…seven； he is
twenty…three。 The difference； I admit； is huge when it is on the wrong
side。 Another source of lamentation！
Lastly； he is a poet； and has lived by his tradethat is to say； on
next to nothing； as you will readily understand。 Being a poet； he has
spent more time weaving day…dreams； and basking； lizard…like； in the
sun； than scribing in his dingy garret。 Now； practical people have a
way of tarring with the same brush of inconstancy authors； artists；
and in general all men who live by their brains。 Their nimble and
fertile wit lays them open to the charge of a like agility in matters
of the heart。
Spite of the debts； spite of the difference in age； spite of the
poetry； an end is to be placed in a few days to a heroic resistance of
more than nine months； during which he has not been allowed even to
kiss my hand； and so also ends the season of our sweet； pure love…
making。 This is not the mere surrender of a raw； ignorant； and curious
girl； as it was eight years ago； the gift is deliberate； and my lover
awaits it with such loyal patience that； if I pleased； I could
postpone the marriage for a year。 There is no servility in this；
love's slave he may be； but the heart is not slavish。 Never have I
seen a man of nobler feeling； or one whose tenderness was more rich in
fancy； whose love bore more the impress of his soul。 Alas！ my sweet
one； the art of love is his by heritage。 A few words will tell his
story。
My friend has no other name than Marie Gaston。 He is the illegitimate
son of the beautiful Lady Brandon； whose fame must have reached you；
and who died broken…hearted； a victim to the vengeance of Lady Dudley
a ghastly story of which the dear boy knows nothing。 Marie Gaston
was placed by his brother Louis in a boarding…school at Tours； where
he remained till 1827。 Louis； after settling his brother at school；
sailed a few days later for foreign parts 〃to seek his fortune；〃 to
use the words of an old woman who had played the part of Providence to
him。 This brother turned sailor used to write him； at long intervals；
letters quite fatherly in tone； and breathing a noble spirit； but a
struggling life never allowed him to return home。 His last letter told
Marie that he had been appointed Captain in the navy of some American
republic； and exhorted him to hope for better days。
Alas！ since then three years have passed； and my poor poet has never
heard again。 So dearly did he love his brother； that he would have
started to look for him but for Daniel d'Arthez； the well…known
author； who took a generous interest in Marie Gaston； and prevented
him carrying out his mad impulse。 Nor was this all； often would he
give him a crust and a corner； as the poet puts it in his graphic
words。
For； in truth； the poor lad was in terrible straits； he was actually
innocent enough to believeincredible as it seemsthat genius was
the shortest road to fortune； and from 1828 to 1833 his one aim has
been to make a name for himself in letters。 Naturally his life was a
frightful tissue of toil and hardships； alternating between hope and
despair。 The good advice of d'Arthez could not prevail against the
allurements of ambition； and his debts went on growing like a
snowball。 Still he was beginning to come into notice when I happened
to meet him at Mme。 d'Espard's。 At first sight he inspired me；
unconsciously to himself； with the most vivid sympathy。 How did it
come about that this virgin heart has been left for me？ The fact is
that my poet combines genius and cleverness； passion and pride； and
women are always afraid of greatness which has no weak side to it。 How
many victories were needed before Josephine could see the great
Napoleon in the little Bonaparte whom she had married。
Poor Gaston is innocent enough to think he knows the measure of my
love！ He simply has not an idea of it； but to you I must make it
clear； for this letter； Renee； is something in the nature of a last
will and testament。 Weigh well what I am going to say； I beg of you。
At this moment I am confident of being loved as perhaps not another
women on this earth； nor have I a shadow of doubt as to the perfect
happiness of our wedded life； to which I bring a feeling hitherto
unknown to me。 Yes； for the first time in my life； I know the delight
of being swayed by passion。 That which every woman seeks in love will
be mine in marriage。 As poor Felipe once adored me； so do I now adore
Gaston。 I have lost control of myself； I tremble before this boy as
the Arab hero used to tremble before me。 In a word； the balance of
love is now on my side； and this makes me timid。 I am full of the most
absurd terrors。 I am afraid of being deserted； afraid of becoming old
and ugly while Gaston still retains his youth and beauty； afraid of
coming short of his hopes！
And yet I believe I have it in me； I believe I have sufficient
devotion and ability； not only to keep alive the flame of his love in
our solitary life； far from the world； but even to make it burn
stronger and brighter。 If I am mistaken； if this splendid idyl of love
in hiding must come to an endan end！ what am I saying？if I find
Gaston's love less intense any day than it was the evening before； be
sure of this； Renee； I should visit my failure only on myself； no
blame should attach to him。 I tell you now it would mean my death。 Not
even if I had children could I live on these terms； for I know myself；
Renee； I know that my nature is the lover's rather than the mother's。
Therefore before taking this vow upon my soul； I implore you； my
Renee； if this disaster befall me； to take the place of mother to my
children； let them be my legacy to you！ All that I know of you； your
blind attachment to duty； your rare gifts； your love of children； your
affection for me； would help to make my deathI dare not say easy
but at least less bitter。
The compact I have thus made with myself adds a vague terror to the
solemnity of my marriage ceremony。 For this reason I wish to have no
one whom I know present； and it will be performed in secret。 Let my
heart fail me if it will； at least I shall not read anxiety in your
dear eyes； and I alone shall know that this new marriage…contract
which I sign may be my death warrant。
I shall not refer again to this agreement entered into between my
present self and the self I am to be。 I have confided it to you in
order that you might know the full extent of your responsibilities。 In
marrying I retain full control of my property； and Gaston； while aware
that I have enough to secure a comfortable life for both of us； is
ignorant of its amount。 Within twenty…four hours I shall dispose of it
as I please； and in order to save him from a humiliating position； I
shall have stock； bringing in twelve thousand francs a year； assigned
to him。 He will find this in his desk on the eve of our wedding。 If he
declined to accept； I should break off the whole thing。 I had to
threaten a rupture to get his permission to pay his debts。
Thi