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themselves。 But Chalmerson hasn't done much。 No； Chalmerson is
rather of a failure。 He plays on the guitar and sings love songs。
Not that he is a bad man。 A kinder…hearted creature never lived；
and they say he hasn't yet got over crying for his little curly
haired sister who died ever so long ago。 But he knows nothing about
business； politics； the world； and those things。 He is dull at
tradeindeed； it is a common remark that 〃everybody cheats
Chalmerson。〃 He came to the party the other evening； and brought
his guitar。 They wouldn't have him for a tenor in the opera；
certainly； for he is shaky in his upper notes； but if his simple
melodies didn't gush straight from the heart； why were my trained
eyes wet？ And although some of the girls giggled； and some of the
men seemed to pity him I could not help fancying that poor
Chalmerson was nearer heaven than any of us all！
1。37。 ABOUT EDITORS。
We hear a great deal； and something too much； about the poverty of
editors。 It is common for editors to parade their poverty and joke
about it in their papers。 We see these witticisms almost every day
of our lives。 Sometimes the editor does the 〃vater vorks business；〃
as Mr。 Samuel Weller called weeping； and makes pathetic appeals to
his subscribers。 Sometimes he is in earnest when he makes these
appeals； but why 〃on airth〃 does he stick to a business that will
not support him decently？ We read of patriotic and lofty…minded
individuals who sacrifice health； time； money； and perhaps life； for
the good of humanity； the Union； and that sort of thing； but we
don't SEE them very often。 We must say that we could count up all
the lofty patriots in this line that we have ever seen； during our
brief but chequered and romantic career； in less than half a day。 A
man who clings to a wretchedly paying business； when he can make
himself and others near and dear to him fatter and happier by doing
something else； is about as near an ass as possible； and not hanker
after green grass and corn in the ear。 The truth is； editors as a
class are very well fed； groomed and harnessed。 They have some
pains that other folk do not have； and they also have some
privileges which the community in general can't possess。 While we
would not advise the young reader to 〃go for an editor；〃 we assure
him he can do much worse。 He mustn't spoil a flourishing blacksmith
or popular victualler in making an indifferent editor of himself；
however。 He must be endowed with some fancy and imagination to
enchain the public eye。 It was Smith； we believe； or some other man
with an odd name； who thought Shakespeare lacked the requisite fancy
and imagination for a successful editor。
To those persons who can't live by printing papers we would say； in
the language of the profligate boarder when dunned for his bill；
being told at the same time by the keeper of the house that he
couldn't board people for nothing； 〃Then sell out to somebody who
can！〃 In other words； fly from a business which don't remunerate。
But as we intimated before； there is much gammon in the popular
editorial cry of poverty。
Just now we see a touching paragraph floating through the papers to
the effect that editors don't live out half their years； that； poor
souls！ they wear themselves out for the benefit of a cold and
unappreciating world。 We don't believe it。 Gentle reader； don't
swallow it。 It is a footlight trick to work on your feelings。 For
ourselves； let us say； that unless we slip up considerably on our
calculations； it will be a long time before our fellow…citizens will
have the melancholy pleasure of erecting to our memory a towering
monument of Parian marble on the Public Square。
1。38。 EDITING。
Before you go for an Editor； young man； pause and take a big think！
Do not rush into the editorial harness rashly。 Look around and see
if there is not an omnibus to drivesome soil somewhere to be
tilleda clerkship on some meat cart to be filledanything that is
reputable and healthy； rather than going for an Editor； which is
hard business at best。
We are not a horse； and consequently have never been called upon to
furnish the motive power for a threshing…machine； but we fancy that
the life of the Editor who is forced to write； write； write； whether
he feels right or not； is much like that of the steed in question。
If the yeas and neighs could be obtained； we believe the intelligent
horse would decide that the threshing…machine is preferable to the
sanctum editorial。
The Editor's work is never done。 He is drained incessantly； and no
wonder that he dries up prematurely。 Other people can attend
banquets； weddings； &c。； visit halls of dazzling light； get
inebriated； break windows； lick a man occasionally； and enjoy
themselves in a variety of ways； but the Editor cannot。 He must
stick tenaciously to his quill。 The press； like a sick baby；
mustn't be left alone for a minute。 If the press is left to run
itself even for a day； some absurd person indignantly orders the
carrier…boy to stop bringing 〃that infernal paper。 There's nothing
in it。 I won't have it in the house！〃
The elegant Mantalini； reduced to mangle…turning； described his life
as 〃a dem'd horrid grind。〃 The life of the Editor is all of that。
But there is a good time coming； we feel confident； for the Editor。
A time when he will be appreciated。 When he will have a front seat。
When he will have pie every day； and wear store clothes continually。
When the harsh cry of 〃stop my paper〃 will no more grate upon his
ears。 Courage； Messieurs the Editors！ Still； sanguine as we are of
the coming of this jolly time； we advise the aspirant for editorial
honors to pause ere he takes up the quill as a means of obtaining
his bread and butter。 Do not； at least； do so until you have been
jilted several dozen times by a like number of girls； until you have
been knocked down…stairs several times and soused in a horse…pond；
until all the 〃gushing〃 feelings within you have been thoroughly
subdued； until； in short； your hide is of rhinoceros thickness。
Then； O aspirants for the bubble reputation at the press's mouth；
throw yourselves among the inkpots； dust； and cobwebs of the
printing office； if you will。
* * * Good my lord； will you see the Editors well bestowed？ Do
you hear； let them be well used； for they are the abstract and brief
chroniclers of the time。 After your death you had better have a bad
epitaph than their ill report while you live。
Hamlet； slightly altered。
1。39。 POPULARITY。
What a queer thing is popularity； Bill Pug Nose of the 〃Plug…Uglies〃
（The name given to an infamous gang of ruffians which once had its
head…quarters in Baltimore。） acquires a world…wide reputation by
smashing up the 〃champion of light weights；〃 sets up a Saloon upon
it； and realizes the first month； while our Missionary； who
collected two hundred blankets last August； and at that time saved a
like number of little negroes in the West Indies from freezing； has
received nothing but the yellow fever。 The Hon。 Oracular M。
Matterson becomes able to withstand any quantity of late nights a