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West India sugar or coffee is then called 〃boughten sugar；〃 &c。
〃This is a home…made carpet； that a 'boughten' one；〃 i。e。； one
bought at a shop。 In the North of England； baker's bread is
called 〃bought bread。〃
Wat's your fitin wate？
Air you trubeld with biles？
How does your meresham culler？
State whether you air blind； deaf； idiotic； or got the
heaves？
Do you know any Opry singers； and if so how much do they owe
you？
What's the average of virtoo on the Ery Canawl？
If 4 barrils of Emptins pored onto a barn floor will kiver
it； how many plase can Dion Bourcicault write in a year？
＇Emptyings； pronounced 〃emptins；〃 the lees of beer； cider； &c。；
yeast or anything by which bread is leavened：…
〃'Twill take more emptins； by a long chalk； than this new
party's got；
To give such heavy cakes as these a start； I tell ye what。〃
〃The Biglow Papers。〃＇
Is Beans a regler article of diet in your family？
How many chickins hav you； on foot and in the shell？
Air you aware that Injianny whisky is used in New York
shootin galrys instid of pistols； and that it shoots furthest？
Was you ever at Niagry Falls？
Was you ever in the Penitentiary？
State how much pork； impendin crysis； Dutch cheeze； popler
suvrinty； standard poetry； children's strainers； slave code；
catnip； red flannel； ancient history； pickled tomaters； old
junk； perfoomery； coal ile； liberty； hoop skirt； &c。； you hav
on hand？
But it didn't work。 I got into a row at the fust house I stopt
to； with some old maids。 Disbelieven the ansers they giv in
regard to their ages； I endevered to open their mouths and look
at their teeth； same as they do with hosses； but they floo into
a vilent rage and tackled me with brooms and sich。 Takin the
sences requires experiunse； like any other bizniss。
1。18。 AN HONEST LIVING。
I was on my way from the mines to San Francisco； with a light
puss and a hevy hart。 You'd scacely hav recognized my fair
form； so kiverd was I with dust。 Bimeby I met Old Poodles； the
all…firdist gambler in the country。 He was afoot and in his
shirt…sleeves； and was in a wuss larther nor any race hoss I
ever saw。 （〃All…fired；〃 enormous； excessive； a low Americanism；
not improbably a puritanical corruption of 〃hell…fired；〃
designed to have the virtue of an oath without offending polite
ears。）
〃Whither goist thow； sweet nimp？〃 sez I； in a play…actin tone。
〃To the mines； Sir；〃 he unto me did say； 〃to the mines； TO EARN
AN HONEST LIVIN。〃
Thinks I that air aint very cool； I guess； and druv on。
1。19。 THE PRESS。
I want the editers to cum to my Show free as the flours of May；
but I don't want um to ride a free hoss to deth。 Thare is
times when Patience seizes to be virtoous。 I had 〃in my mind's
eye； Hurrashio〃 （cotashun from Hamlick） sum editers in a sertin
town which shall be nameless； who air Both sneakin and ornery。
They cum in krowds to my Show and then axt me ten sents a line
for Puffs。 I objectid to payin； but they sed ef I didn't down
with the dust thay'd wipe my Show from the face of the earth！
Thay sed the Press was the Arkymedian Leaver which moved the
wurld。 I put up to their extorshuns until thay'd bled me so I
was a meer shadder； and left in disgust。
It was in a surtin town in Virginny； the Muther of Presidents &
things； that I was shaimfully aboozed by a editor in human
form。 He set my Show up steep & kalled me the urbane &
gentlemunly manajer； but when I； fur the purpuss of showin fair
play all around； went to anuther offiss to git my hanbills
printed； what duz this pussillanermus editer do but change his
toon & abooze me like a Injun。 He sed my wax wurks was a
humbug & called me a horey…heded itinerent vagabone。 I thort
at fust Ide pollish him orf ar…lar the Beneshy Boy； but on
reflectin that he cood pollish me much wuss in his paper； I giv
it up。 & I wood here take occashun to advise peple when thay
run agin； as thay sumtimes will； these miserable papers； to not
pay no attenshun to um。 Abuv all； don't assault a editer of
this kind。 It only gives him a notorosity； which is jest what
he wants； & don't do you no more good than it wood to jump into
enny other mud puddle。 Editers are generally fine men； but
there must be black sheep in every flock。
1。20。 EDWIN FOREST AS OTHELLO。
Durin a recent visit to New York the undersined went to see
Edwin Forrest。 As I'm into the moral show bizness myself； I
ginrally go to Barnum's moral Museum； where only moral peple
air admitted； pertickly on Wednesday arternoons。 But this time
I thot I'd go & see Ed。 Ed has bin actin out on the stage for
many years。 There is varis 'pinions about his actin；
Englishmen ginrally bleevin that he is far superior to Mister
Macready； but on one pint all agree； & that is that Ed draws
like a six ox team。 Ed was actin at Niblo's Garding； which
looks considerable more like a parster； than a garding； but let
that pars。 I sot down in the pit； took out my spectacles &
commenced peroosin the evenin's bill。 The awjince was all…fired
large & the boxes was full of the elitty of New York。 Several
opery glasses was leveld at me by Gothum's farest darters； but
I didn't let on as tho I noticed it； tho mebby I did take out
my sixteen…dollar silver watch & brandish it round more than was
necessary。 But the best of us has our weaknesses & if a man has
gewelry let him show it。 As I was peroosin the bill a grave
young man who sot near me axed me if I'd ever seen Forrest dance
the Essence of Old Virginny？ 〃He's immense in that；〃 sed the
young man。 〃He also does a fair champion jig；〃 the young man
continnerd； 〃but his Big Thing is the Essence of Old Virginny。〃
Sez I； 〃Fair youth； do you know what I'd do with you if you was
my sun？〃
〃No；〃 sez he。
〃Wall；〃 sez I； 〃I'd appint your funeral tomorrow arternoon； &
the KORPS SHOULD BE READY！ You're too smart to live on this
yearth。〃 He didn't try any more of his capers on me。 But
another pussylanermus individooul； in a red vest & patent
lether boots； told me his name was Bill Astor & axed me to lend
him 50 cents till early in the mornin。 I told him I'd probly
send it round to him before he retired to his virtoous couch；
but if I didn't he might look for it next fall； as soon as I
cut my corn。 The Orchestry was now fiddling with all their
might； & as the peple didn't understan anything about it they
applaudid versifrussly。 Presently； Old Ed cum out。 The play
was Otheller or More of Veniss。 Otheller was writ by Wm。
Shakspeer。 The scene is laid in Veniss。 Otheller was a likely
man & was a ginral in the Veniss army。 He eloped with Desdemony；
a darter of the Hon。 Mister Brabantio； who represented one of
the back districks in the Veneshun legislater。 Old Brabantio
was as mad as thunder at this & tore round considerable； but
finally cooled down； tellin Otheller； howsever； that Desdemony
had come it over her Par； & that he had better look out or
she'd come it over him likewise。 Mr。 & Mrs。 Otheller git along
very comfortable like for a spell。 She is sweet…tempered and
luvina nice； sensible femal