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seem to remember carrying him that evening to the window with
uncommon tenderness （following the setting sun that was to take
him away）； and telling him with not unnatural bitterness that he
had got to leave me because another child was in need of all his
pretty things； and as the sun； his true father； lapt him in its
dancing arms； he sent his love to a lady of long ago whom he
called by the sweetest of names； not knowing in his innocence
that the little white birds are the birds that never have a
mother。 I wished （so had the phantasy of Timothy taken
possession of me） that before he went he could have played once
in the Kensington Gardens； and have ridden on the fallen trees；
calling gloriously to me to look； that he could have sailed one
paper…galleon on the Round Pond； fain would I have had him chase
one hoop a little way down the laughing avenues of childhood；
where memory tells us we run but once； on a long summer…day；
emerging at the other end as men and women with all the fun to
pay for； and I think （thus fancy wantons with me in these
desolate chambers） he knew my longings； and said with a boy…like
flush that the reason he never did these things was not that he
was afraid； for he would have loved to do them all； but because
he was not quite like other boys； and； so saying； he let go my
finger and faded from before my eyes into another and golden
ether； but I shall ever hold that had he been quite like other
boys there would have been none braver than my Timothy。
I fear I am not truly brave myself； for though when under fire；
so far as I can recollect； I behaved as others； morally I seem to
be deficient。 So I discovered next day when I attempted to buy
David's outfit； and found myself as shy of entering the shop as
any Mary at the pawnbroker's。 The shop for little garments seems
very alarming when you reach the door； a man abruptly become a
parent； and thus lost to a finer sense of the proprieties； may be
able to stalk in unprotected； but apparently I could not。
Indeed； I have allowed a repugnance to entering shops of any
kind； save my tailor's； to grow on me； and to my tailor's I fear
I go too frequently。
So I skulked near the shop of the little garments； jeering at
myself； and it was strange to me to reflect at； say； three
o'clock that if I had been brazen at half…past two all would now
be over。
To show what was my state； take the case of the very gentleman…
like man whom I detected gazing fixedly at me； or so I thought；
just as I had drawn valiantly near the door。 I sauntered away；
but when I returned he was still there； which seemed conclusive
proof that he had smoked my purpose。 Sternly controlling my
temper I bowed； and said with icy politeness； 〃You have the
advantage of me； sir。〃
〃I beg your pardon；〃 said he； and I am now persuaded that my
words turned his attention to me for the first time； but at the
moment I was sure some impertinent meaning lurked behind his
answer。
〃I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance；〃 I barked。
〃No one regrets it more than I do；〃 he replied； laughing。
〃I mean； sir；〃 said I； 〃that I shall wait here until you retire；〃
and with that I put my back to a shop…window。
By this time he was grown angry； and said he； 〃I have no
engagement；〃 and he put his back to the shop…window。 Each of us
was doggedly determined to tire the other out； and we must have
looked ridiculous。 We also felt it； for ten minutes afterward；
our passions having died away； we shook hands cordially and
agreed to call hansoms。
Must I abandon the enterprise？ Certainly I knew divers ladies
who would make the purchases for me； but first I must explain；
and； rather than explain it has ever been my custom to do
without。 I was in this despondency when a sudden recollection of
Irene and Mrs。 Hicking heartened me like a cordial； for I saw in
them at once the engine and decoy by which David should procure
his outfit。
You must be told who they were。
VIII
The Inconsiderate Waiter
They were the family of William； one of our club waiters who had
been disappointing me grievously of late。 Many a time have I
deferred dining several minutes that I might have the attendance
of this ingrate。 His efforts to reserve the window…table for me
were satisfactory； and I used to allow him privileges； as to
suggest dishes； I have given him information； as that someone had
startled me in the reading…room by slamming a door； I have shown
him how I cut my finger with a piece of string。 William was none
of your assertive waiters。 We could have plotted a murder safely
before him。 It was one member who said to him that Saucy Sarah
would win the Derby and another who said that Saucy Sarah had no
chance； but it was William who agreed with both。 The excellent
fellow （as I thought him） was like a cheroot which may be smoked
from either end。
I date his lapse from one evening when I was dining by the
window。 I had to repeat my order 〃Devilled kidney；〃 and instead
of answering brightly； 〃Yes； sir；〃 as if my selection of devilled
kidney was a personal gratification to him； which is the manner
one expects of a waiter； he gazed eagerly out at the window； and
then； starting； asked； 〃Did you say devilled kidney； sir？〃 A few
minutes afterward I became aware that someone was leaning over
the back of my chair； and you may conceive my indignation on
discovering that this rude person was William。 Let me tell； in
the measured words of one describing a past incident； what next
took place。 To get nearer the window he pressed heavily on my
shoulder。 〃William；〃 I said； 〃you are not attending to me！〃
To be fair to him； he shook； but never shall I forget his
audacious apology； 〃Beg pardon； sir； but I was thinking of
something else。〃
And immediately his eyes resought the window； and this burst from
him passionately； 〃For God's sake； sir； as we are man and man；
tell me if you have seen a little girl looking up at the club…
windows。〃
Man and man！ But he had been a good waiter once； so I pointed
out the girl to him。 As soon as she saw William she ran into the
middle of Pall Mall； regardless of hansoms （many of which seemed
to pass over her）； nodded her head significantly three times and
then disappeared （probably on a stretcher）。 She was the
tawdriest little Arab of about ten years； but seemed to have
brought relief to William。 〃Thank God！〃 said he fervently； and
in the worst taste。
I was as much horrified as if he had dropped a plate on my toes。
〃Bread； William；〃 I said sharply。
〃You are not vexed with me； sir？〃 he had the hardihood to
whisper。
〃It was a liberty；〃 I said。
〃I know； sir； but I was beside myself。〃
〃That was a liberty again。〃
〃It is my wife； sir； she〃
So William； whom I had favoured in so many ways； was a married
man。 I felt that this was the greatest liberty of all。
I gathered that the