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like the Day of Judgment framed in gray bristles； and no one spoke
for a while。
Next the Colonel said； very shortly：〃Well； Sir？〃 and the woman
sobbed afresh。 The Senior Subaltern was half choked with the arms
round his neck； but he gasped out：〃It's a dd lie！ I never
had a wife in my life！〃 〃Don't swear；〃 said the Colonel。 〃Come
into the Mess。 We must sift this clear somehow；〃 and he sighed to
himself； for he believed in his 〃Shikarris；〃 did the Colonel。
We trooped into the ante…room； under the full lights； and there we
saw how beautiful the woman was。 She stood up in the middle of us
all； sometimes choking with crying； then hard and proud； and then
holding out her arms to the Senior Subaltern。 It was like the
fourth act of a tragedy。 She told us how the Senior Subaltern had
married her when he was Home on leave eighteen months before； and
she seemed to know all that we knew； and more too； of his people
and his past life。 He was white and ashy gray； trying now and
again to break into the torrent of her words； and we； noting how
lovely she was and what a criminal he looked； esteemed him a beast
of the worst kind。 We felt sorry for him； though。
I shall never forget the indictment of the Senior Subaltern by his
wife。 Nor will he。 It was so sudden； rushing out of the dark；
unannounced； into our dull lives。 The Captains' wives stood back；
but their eyes were alight； and you could see that they had already
convicted and sentenced the Senior Subaltern。 The Colonel seemed
five years older。 One Major was shading his eyes with his hand and
watching the woman from underneath it。 Another was chewing his
moustache and smiling quietly as if he were witnessing a play。
Full in the open space in the centre； by the whist…tables； the
Senior Subaltern's terrier was hunting for fleas。 I remember all
this as clearly as though a photograph were in my hand。 I remember
the look of horror on the Senior Subaltern's face。 It was rather
like seeing a man hanged； but much more interesting。 Finally； the
woman wound up by saying that the Senior Subaltern carried a double
F。 M。 in tattoo on his left shoulder。 We all knew that； and to our
innocent minds it seemed to clinch the matter。 But one of the
Bachelor Majors said very politely：〃I presume that your marriage
certificate would be more to the purpose？〃
That roused the woman。 She stood up and sneered at the Senior
Subaltern for a cur； and abused the Major and the Colonel and all
the rest。 Then she wept； and then she pulled a paper from her
breast； saying imperially：〃Take that！ And let my husbandmy
lawfully wedded husbandread it aloudif he dare！〃
There was a hush； and the men looked into each other's eyes as the
Senior Subaltern came forward in a dazed and dizzy way； and took
the paper。 We were wondering as we stared； whether there was
anything against any one of us that might turn up later on。 The
Senior Subaltern's throat was dry； but； as he ran his eye over the
paper； he broke out into a hoarse cackle of relief； and said to the
woman：〃You young blackguard！〃
But the woman had fled through a door； and on the paper was
written：〃This is to certify that I； The Worm； have paid in full
my debts to the Senior Subaltern； and； further； that the Senior
Subaltern is my debtor； by agreement on the 23d of February； as by
the Mess attested； to the extent of one month's Captain's pay； in
the lawful currency of the India Empire。〃
Then a deputation set off for The Worm's quarters and found him；
betwixt and between； unlacing his stays； with the hat； wig； serge
dress； etc。； on the bed。 He came over as he was； and the
〃Shikarris〃 shouted till the Gunners' Mess sent over to know if
they might have a share of the fun。 I think we were all； except
the Colonel and the Senior Subaltern； a little disappointed that
the scandal had come to nothing。 But that is human nature。 There
could be no two words about The Worm's acting。 It leaned as near
to a nasty tragedy as anything this side of a joke can。 When most
of the Subalterns sat upon him with sofa…cushions to find out why
he had not said that acting was his strong point； he answered very
quietly：〃I don't think you ever asked me。 I used to act at Home
with my sisters。〃 But no acting with girls could account for The
Worm's display that night。 Personally； I think it was in bad
taste。 Besides being dangerous。 There is no sort of use in playing
with fire； even for fun。
The 〃Shikarris〃 made him President of the Regimental Dramatic Club；
and； when the Senior Subaltern paid up his debt； which he did at
once； The Worm sank the money in scenery and dresses。 He was a
good Worm； and the 〃Shikarris〃 are proud of him。 The only drawback
is that he has been christened 〃Mrs。 Senior Subaltern；〃 and as
there are now two Mrs。 Senior Subalterns in the Station； this is
sometimes confusing to strangers。
Later on； I will tell you of a case something like； this； but with
all the jest left out and nothing in it but real trouble。
A。 Conan Doyle
A Case of Identity
〃My dear fellow；〃 said Sherlock Holmes； as we sat on either side of
the fire in his lodgings at Baker Street； 〃life is infinitely
stranger than anything which the mind of man can invent。 We would
not dare to conceive the things which are really mere commonplaces
of existence。 If we could fly out of that window hand in hand；
hover over this great city； gently remove the roofs； and peep in at
the queer things which are going on； the strange coincidences； the
plannings； the cross…purposes； the wonderful chains of events；
working through generations； and leading to the most outre results；
it would make all fiction； with its conventionalities and foreseen
conclusions； most stale and unprofitable。〃
〃And yet I am not convinced of it；〃 I answered。 〃The cases which
come to light in the papers are； as a rule； bald enough； and vulgar
enough。 We have in our police reports realism pushed to its
extreme limits； and yet the result is； it must be confessed；
neither fascinating nor artistic。〃
〃A certain selection and discretion must be used in producing a
realistic effect；〃 remarked Holmes。 〃This is wanting in the police
report； where more stress is laid perhaps upon the platitudes of
the magistrate than upon the details； which to an observer contain
the vital essence of the whole matter。 Depend upon it； there is
nothing so unnatural as the commonplace。〃
I smiled and shook my head。 〃I can quite understand your thinking
so；〃 I said。 〃Of course； in your position of unofficial adviser
and helper to everybody who is absolutely puzzled； throughout three
continents； you are brought in contact with all that is strange and
bizarre。 But here；〃I picked up the morning paper from the
ground〃let us put it to a practical test。 Here is the first
heading upon which I come。 'A husband's cruelty to his wife。'
There is half a column of print； b