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the duchesse de langeais-第40章

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〃Ah!  Well; you are one of the inner family circle; possibly you will be the last relative; the last friend whose hand I shall press; so I can ask your good offices。  Will you; dear Vidame; do me a service which I could not ask of my own father; nor of my uncle Grandlieu; nor of any woman?  You cannot fail to understand。  I beg of you to do my bidding; and then to forget what you have done; whatever may come of it。  It is this:  Will you take this letter and go to M。 de Montriveau? will you see him yourself; give it into his hands; and ask him; as you men can ask things between yourselvesfor you have a code of honour between man and man which you do not use with us; and a different way of regarding things between yourselvesask him if he will read this letter?  Not in your presence。  Certain feelings men hide from each other。  I give you authority to say; if you think it necessary to bring him; that it is a question of life or death for me。  If he deigns〃

〃DEIGNS!〃 repeated the Vidame。

〃If he deigns to read it;〃 the Duchess continued with dignity; 〃say one thing more。  You will go to see him about five o'clock; for I know that he will dine at home today at that time。  Very good。  By way of answer he must come to see me。  If; three hours afterwards; by eight o'clock; he does not leave his house; all will be over。  The Duchesse de Langeais will have vanished from the world。  I shall not be dead; dear friend; no; but no human power will ever find me again on this earth。  Come and dine with me; I shall at least have one friend with me in the last agony。  Yes; dear cousin; tonight will decide my fate; and whatever happens to me; I pass through an ordeal by fire。  There! not a word。  I will hear nothing of the nature of comment or adviceLet us chat and laugh together;〃 she added; holding out a hand; which he kissed。  〃We will be like two grey…headed philosophers who have learned how to enjoy life to the last moment。  I will look my best; I will be very enchanting for you。  You perhaps will be the last man to set eyes on the Duchesse de Langeais。〃

The Vicomte bowed; took the letter; and went without a word。  At five o'clock he returned。  His cousin had studied to please him; and she looked lovely indeed。  The room was gay with flowers as if for a festivity; the dinner was exquisite。  For the grey…headed Vidame the Duchess displayed all the brilliancy of her wit; she was more charming than she had ever been before。  At first the Vidame tried to look on all these preparations as a young woman's jest; but now and again the attempted illusion faded; the spell of his fair cousin's charm was broken。  He detected a shudder caused by some kind of sudden dread; and once she seemed to listen during a pause。 

〃What is the matter?〃 he asked。

〃Hush!〃 she said。

At seven o'clock the Duchess left him for a few minutes。  When she came back again she was dressed as her maid might have dressed for a journey。  She asked her guest to be her escort; took his arm; sprang into a hackney coach; and by a quarter to eight they stood outside M。 de Montriveau's door。

Armand meantime had been reading the following letter:


〃MY FRIEND;I went to your rooms for a few minutes without your knowledge; I found my letters there; and took them away。  This cannot be indifference; Armand; between us; and hatred would show itself quite differently。  If you love me; make an end of this cruel play; or you will kill me; and afterwards; learning how much you were loved; you might be in despair。  If I have not rightly understood you; if you have no feeling towards me but aversion; which implies both contempt and disgust; then I give up all hope。  A man never recovers from those feelings。  You will have no regrets。  Dreadful though that thought may be; it will comfort me in my long sorrow。  Regrets?  Oh; my Armand; may I never know of them; if I thought that I had caused you a single regretBut; no; I will not tell you what desolation I should feel。  I should be living still; and I could not be your wife; it would be too late!

〃Now that I have given myself wholly to you in thought; to whom else should I give myself?to God。  The eyes that you loved for a little while shall never look on another man's face; and may the glory of God blind them to all besides。  I shall never hear human voices more since I heard yoursso gentle at the first; so terrible yesterday; for it seems to me that I am still only on the morrow of your vengeance。  And now may the will of God consume me。  Between His wrath and yours; my friend; there will be nothing left for me but a little space for tears and prayers。

〃Perhaps you wonder why I write to you?  Ah! do not think ill of me if I keep a gleam of hope; and give one last sigh to happy life before I take leave of it forever。  I am in a hideous position。  I feel all the inward serenity that comes when a great resolution has been taken; even while I hear the last growlings of the storm。  When you went out on that terrible adventure which so drew me to you; Armand; you went from the desert to the oasis with a good guide to show you the way。  Well; I am going out of the oasis into the desert; and you are a pitiless guide to me。  And yet you only; my friend; can understand how melancholy it is to look back for the last time on happinessto you; and you only; I can make moan without a blush。  If you grant my entreaty; I shall be happy; if you are inexorable; I shall expiate the wrong that I have done。  After all; it is natural; is it not; that a woman should wish to live; invested with all noble feelings; in her friend's memory?  Oh! my one and only love; let her to whom you gave life go down into the tomb in the belief that she is great in your eyes。  Your harshness led me to reflect; and now that I love you so; it seems to me that I am less guilty than you think。  Listen to my justification; I owe it to you; and you that are all the world to me; owe me at least a moment's justice。

〃I have learned by my own anguish all that I made you suffer by my coquetry; but in those days I was utterly ignorant of love。  YOU know what the torture is; and you mete it out to me!  During those first eight months that you gave me you never roused any feeling of love in me。  Do you ask why this was so; my friend?  I can no more explain it than I can tell you why I love you now。  Oh! certainly it flattered my vanity that I should be the subject of your passionate talk; and receive those burning glances of yours; but you left me cold。  No; I was not a woman; I had no conception of womanly devotion and happiness。  Who was to blame?  You would have despised me; would you not; if I had given myself without the impulse of passion?  Perhaps it is the highest height to which we can riseto give all and receive no joy; perhaps there is no merit in yielding oneself to bliss that is foreseen and ardently desired。  Alas; my friend; I can say this now; these thoughts came to me when I played with you; and you seemed to me so great even then that I would not have you owe the gift to pityWhat is this that I have written?

〃I have taken back all my letters; I am flinging them one by one on the fire; they are burning。  You will never know what they confessedall the lo
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