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〃MRS。 PATRICE HAZZARD〃
〃Open it；〃 the nurse encouraged her。 〃Don't just look at it like that。 It won't bite you。〃
She tried to twice； and twice it fell。 The third time she managed to rip one seam along its entire length。
〃Patrice； dear：
〃Though we've never seen you； you're our daughter now； dear。 You're Hugh's legacy to us。 You're all we have now； you and the little fellow。 I can't e to you； where you are； doctor's orders。 The shock was too much for me and he forbids my making the trip。 You'll have to e to us； instead。 e soon； dear。 e home to us； in our loneliness and loss。 It will make it that much easier to bear。 It won't be long now； dear。 We've been in constant touch with Dr。 Brett； and he sends very encouraging reports of your progress…〃
The rest didn't matter so much； she let it fade from her attention。
It was like train…wheels going through her head。
Though we've never seen you。
Though we've never seen you。
Though we've never seen you。
The nurse eased it from her forgetful fingers after awhile； and put it back in its envelope。 She watched the nurse fearfully as she moved about the room。
〃If I weren't Mrs。 Hazzard； would I be allowed to stay in this room？〃
The nurse laughed cheerfully。 〃We'd put you out； we'd throw you right outside into one of the wards；〃 she said； bending close toward her in mock threat。
The nurse said； 〃Here； take your young son。〃
She held him tightly； in fierce； almost convulsive protectiveness。
Seventeen cents。 Seventeen cents last such a short time； goes such a short way。
The nurse felt in good humor。 She tried to prolong their little joke of a moment ago。 〃Why？ Are you trying to tell me you're not Mrs。 Hazzard？〃 she asked banteringly。
She held him fiercely； protectively close。
Seventeen cents； seventeen cents。
〃No；〃 she said in a smothered voice； burying her face against him； 〃I'm not trying to tell you that。 I'm not trying。〃
12
She was in a dressing…robe； sitting by the window in the sun。 It was quilted blue silk。 She wore it every day when she got up out of bed。 On the breast…pocket it had a monogram embroidered in white silk； the letters 〃P H〃 intertwined。 There were slippers to match。
She was reading a book。 On the flyleaf； though she was long past it； it was inscribed 〃To Patrice； with love from Mother H。〃 There was a row of other books on the stand beside the bed。 Ten or twelve of them； books with vivacious jackets； turquoise； magenta； vermilion； cobalt； and with vivacious； lighthearted contents to match。 Not a shadow between their covers。
There was a scattering of orange peel； and two or three seeds； in a dish on a low stand beside her easy chair。 There was a cigarette burning in another； smaller dish beside that one。 It was custommade； it had a straw tip； and the initials 〃P H〃 on it had not yet been consumed。
The sunlight； falling from behind and over her； made her hair seem hazily translucent； made it almost seem like golden foam about her head。 It skipped the front of her； from there on down； due to the turn of the chair…back； and struck again in a little golden pool across one outthrust bare instep； lying on it like a warm； luminous kiss。
There was a light tap at the door and the doctor came in。
He drew out a chair and sat down facing her； leaving its straight back in front of him as an added note of genial informality。
〃I hear you're leaving us soon。〃
The book fell and he had to pick it up for her。 He offered it back to her； but when she seemed incapable of taking it； he put it aside on the stand。
〃Don't look so frightened。 Everything's arranged…〃
She had a little difficulty with her breathing。 〃Where…？ Where to？〃
〃Why； home； of course。〃
She put her hand to her hair and flattened it a little； but then it sprang up again； gaseous as before； in the sun。
〃Here are your tickets。〃 He took an envelope out of his pocket； tried to offer it to her。 Her hands withdrew a little； each one around a side of the chair toward the back。 He put the envelope between the pages of the discarded book finally； leaving it outthrust like a place…mark。
Her eyes were very large。 Larger than they had seemed before he came into the room。 〃When？〃 she said with scarcely any breath at all。
〃Wednesday； the early afternoon train。〃
Suddenly panic was licking all over her； like a shriveling； congealing； frigid flame。
〃No； I can't！ No！ Doctor； you've got to listen…！〃 She tried to grab his hand with both of hers and hold onto it。
He spoke to her playfully； as if she were a child。 〃Now； now； here。 What's all this？ What is all this？〃
〃No； doctor； no…！〃 She shook her head insistently。
He sandwiched her hand between both of his； and held it that way； consolingly。 〃I understand；〃 he said soothingly。 〃We're a little shaky yet； we've just finished getting used to things as they are… We're a little timid about giving up familiar surroundings for those that are strange to us。 We all have it； it's a typical nervous reaction。 Why； you'll be over it in no time。〃
〃But I can't do it； doctor；〃 she whispered passionately。 〃I can't do it。〃
He chucked her under the chin； to instill courage in her。 〃We'll put you on the train； and all you have to do is ride。 Your family will be waiting to take you off at the other end。〃
〃My family。〃
〃Don't make such a face about it；〃 he coaxed whimsically。
He glanced around at the crib。
〃What about the young man here？〃
He went over to it； and lifted the child out； brought him to her and put him in her arms。
〃You want to take him home； don't you？ You don't want him to grow up in a hospital？〃 He laughed at her teasingly。 〃You want him to have a home； don't you？〃
She held him to her； lowered her head to him。
〃Yes；〃 she said at last； submissively。 〃Yes； I want him to have a home。〃
13
A train again。 But how different it was now。 No crowded aisles； no jostling figures； no flux of patient； swaying humanity。 A partment； a roomette all to herself。 A little table on braces； that could go up； that could go down。 A closet with a full…length mirrored door； just as in any ground…fast little dwelling。 On the rack the neat luggage in recessive tiers； brand…new； in use now for the first time； glossy patent finish； hardware glistening； 〃P H〃 trimly stencilled in vermilion on the rounded corners。 A little shaded lamp to read by when the countryside grew dark。 Flowers in a holder； going…away flowers…no； ing…homeward flowers…presented by proxy at the point of departure； glazed fruit…candies in a box； a magazine or two。
And outside the two wide windows； that formed almost a single panel from wall to wall； trees sailing peacefully by； off a way in a single line； dappled with sunshine； dark green on one side； light apple…green on the other。 Clouds sailing peacefully by； only a little more slowly than the trees； as if the two things worked on separate； yet almost…synchronized； belts of continuous motion。 Meadows and fields； and the little ripples that hillocks made off in the distance every once in awhile。 Going up a little； ing down again。 The wavy line of the future。
And on the seat opposite her own； and more important by far than al