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Ignore that nightmare in the bathroom。 Just another ugly refugee from the Love Generation； some doom…struck gimp who couldn't handle the pressure。 My attorney has never been able to accept the notion…often espoused by reformed drug abusers and especially popular among those on probation…that you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them。
And neither have I； for that matter。 But I once lived down the hill from Dr。…on …Road； Names deleted at insistence of publisher's lawyer） a former acid guru who later claimed to have made that long jump from chemical frenzy to preternatural consciousness。 One fine afternoon in the first rising curl of what would soon bee the Great San Francisco Acid Wave I stopped by the Good Doctor's house with the idea of asking him （since he was even then a known drug authority） what sort of advice he might have for a neighbor with a healthy curiosity about LSD。
I parked on the road and lumbered up his gravel driveway； pausing enroute to wave pleasantly at his wife； who was working out in the graden。。。pruning carrots； or whatever。。。humming while she works； some tune I fail to recognize。
Humming。 Yes。。。but it would be nearly ten years before I would recognize that sound for what it was： like Ginsberg far gone in the Om；…was trying to humm me off。 That was no old lady out there in that garden； it was the good doctor himself…and his humming was a frantic attempt to block me out of his higher consciousness。
I made several attempts to make myself clear： Just a neighbor e to call and ask the doctor's advice about gobbling some LSD in my shack just down the hill from his house。 I did； after all； have weapons。 And I liked to shoot them…especially at night； when the great blue flame would leap out； along with all that noise。。。and； yes； the bullets； too。 We couldn't ignore that。 Big balls of lead/alloy flying around the valley at speeds up to 3700 feet per second。
But I always fired into the nearest hill or； failing that； into blackness。 I meant no harm； I just liked the explosions。 And I was careful never to kill more than I could eat。
〃Kill？〃 I realized I could never properly explain that word to this creature toiling here in its garden。 Had it ever eaten meat？ Could it conjugate the verb 〃hunt？〃 Did it understand hunger？ Or grasp the awful fact that my ine averaged around 32 a week that year？
No。。。no hope of munication in this place。 I recognized that…but not soon enough to keep the drug doctor from humming me all the way down his driveway and into my car and down the mountain road。 Forget LSD； I thought。 Look what it's done to that poor bastard。
So I stuck with hash and rum for another six months or so； until I moved into San Francisco and found myself one night； in a place called 〃The Fillmore Auditorium。〃 And that was that。 One grey lump of sugar； and BOOM。 In my mind I was right back there in the doctor's garden。 Not on the surface； but underneath … poking up through that finely cultivated earth like some kind of mutant mushroom。 A victim of the Drug Explosion。 A natural street freak； just eating whatever came by。 I recall one night； in the Matrix； when a road…person came in with a big pack on his back； shouting： 〃Anybody want some L。。。S。。。D。。。？ I got all the makin's right here。 All I need is a place to cook。〃 The manager was on him at once； mumbling； 〃Cool it； cool it； e on back to the office。〃 I never saw him after that night； but before he was taken away； the road…person distributed his samples。 Huge white spansules。 I went into the men's room to eat mine。 But only half at first； I thought。 Good thinking； but a hard thing to acplish under the circumstances。 I ate the first half； but spilled the rest on the sleeve of my red Pendleton shirt。。。And then； wondering what to do with it； I saw one of the musicians e in。 〃What's the trouble；〃 he said。
〃Well；〃 I said。 〃All this white stuff on my sleeve is LSD。〃 He said nothing： Merely grabbed my arm and began sucking on it。 A very gross tableau。 I wondered what would happen if some Kingston Trio/young stockbroker type might wander in and catch us in the act。 Fuck him； I thought。 With a bit of luck； it'll ruin his life…forever thinking that just be…hind some narrow door in all his favorite bars； men in red Pendleton shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know。 Would he dare to suck a sleeve？ Probably not。 Play it safe。 Pretend you never saw it。
Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas。 Five years later？ Six？ It seems like a lifetime； or at least a Main Era…the kind of peak that never es again。 San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of。 Maybe it meant something。 Maybe not； in the long run 。 。 。 but no explanation； no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were here and alive in that corner of time and the world。 Whatever it meant。。。。
History is hard to know； because of all the hired bullshit； but even without being sure of 〃history〃 it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation es to a head in a long fine flash； for reasons that nobody really understands at the time…and which never explain； in retrospect； what actually happened。My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights…or very early mornings…when I left the Fillmore half…crazy and； instead of going home； aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at a hundred miles an hour wearing L。 L。 Bean shorts and a Butte sheepherder's jacket。。。booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond； not quite sure which turn…off to take when I got to the other end （always stalling at the toll…gate； too twisted to find neutral while I fumbled for change）。。。but being absolutely certain that no matter which way I went I would e to a place where people were just as high and wild as I was： No doubt at all about that。 。There was madness in any direction； at any hour。 If not across the Bay； then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda。。。。You could strike sparks anywhere。 There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right； that we were winning。And that； I think； was the handle…that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil。 Not in any mean or military sense； we didn't need that。 Our energy would simply prevail。 There was no point in fighting…on our side or theirs。 We had all the momentum； we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave。
So now； less than five years later； you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West； and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high…water mark…that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back。
9。 Sympathy for the Devil。。。Newsmen Tortured？。。。Flight into Madness
The decision to flee came suddenly。 Or maybe not。 Maybe I'd 'planned it all along…subconsciously waiting for the right moment。 The bill was a factor； I think。 Because I had no money to pay it。 And no more of these devilish credit…card/reimbursement deals。 Not after dealing with Sidney Zion。 They seized my American E