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urn out that way； obviously。'
'Then you do have parents。'
'There's something odd about that household。' She was still talking about her uncle。 'I can't put my finger on it。 It involves Satsugai and Saigo。 Itami's not part of it； though I'm sure she knows what's going on。' There was a dry fluttering over their heads as a plover took off southward。 'I think it has something to do with where Saigo goes。'
'In Kyushu。'
'Yes。'
'It's a ryu； I'll bet。'
She turned over； her eyes luminous and huge in the dark。 The heat of her body； its musk； penetrated him。 'But why travel so far？ There are plenty of ryu in the Tokyo area。'
There are many ryu in Japan。 Kansatsu's words came to him as clearly as a tolling bell。 Did he know？ Good and evil。 White and black。 Yin and yang。 One must explore the darkness； too。
'It must be a very special ryu。'
'What？'
He'd said it so softly； thinking put loud； that even this close she had not heard him。 He repeated what he'd said。
'But what kind？' she wanted to know。
Nicholas shrugged。 'I'd need to know the town he is going to。'
'But I can find out！' she said excitedly； rising up on one elbow。 'He leaves tonight for Kyushu。 I'll only need to take a peek at his train ticket。'
'Would you do it？'
She gave him a little conspiratorial smile。 Lights danced in her eyes。 'If you wanted me to。'
He watched her for a moment； then lay back； hands underneath his head。 'I want to know something。' His throat felt tight。 'I want to know if what you said 。。。 before is true。 Did you sleep with Saigo？'
'Does it matter？'
'Yes； it matters。'
She threw her arms around his neck。 'Oh； Nicholas。 Don't be so serious always。'
'Did you？'
'It might have happened … once。'
He sat up； staring at her。 'Might？'
'All right。 Yes。 But … it just happened。'
'The way it just happened with us；' he said nastily。
'Oh no。' Her eyes looked into his。 'That's not the way it happened at all。 He's nothing like you。'
'You mean you planned the whole thing with me？' His voice was demanding。
Her eyes flickered down for a fraction of a second。 'I didn't know what to think when Aunt Itami told me she was bringing me here。 I remembered I wanted to fuck you that night on the dance floor but that was …'
'You told me you didn't remember that！' His tone of indignation concealed his inner delight。
She smiled。 'I lied about that。' She smiled and stuck out her tongue； a very un…Japanese gesture。 'I didn't want to spoil the surprise。 I knew the moment I saw you again what I wanted to do。'
'I had no hint when we went out in the garden。'
She shrugged。 'I'm two different people。 You've seen both sides。'
'What was it like for you； growing up？'
'Why do you ask？'
He burst out laughing。 'Because I'm interested in you。 Why？ Do you think I'm after something？'
'Everyone's always after something。'
'Not everyone；' he said softly； pulling her close。 'I'm not。' He kissed her with closed lips。 'I care about you； Yukio。 A great deal。'
She laughed。 'Well； at least you didn't say you loved me。'
'I might；' he said seriously。 'I don't know yet。'
She tossed her head。 'Oh； e off it。 You know you don't have to say those things to me。 They're meaningless。 You'll get what you want； don't you know that？'
'I don't understand you。'
'I told you before；' she said patiently。 'I don't need to hear those things。 I don't need that illusion。 We give each other pleasure。 That's enough for me。
'Is that how it was with Saigo； too？' he asked harshly。 'I meant what I said。 I do care about you。 About what happens to you。 How you feel。 If you're happy or if you're sad。'
She stared at him for a long time as if she could find no words to utter。 She was watching him carefully。 At length she settled back onto the grass。
'When I was a little girl；' she said in a small voice； 'we'd go into the mountains for the summer； to a small town perched high up on the sloping wooded side。 The houses； I remember； were all on stilts。 It was the first time I'd seen anything like that。 It looked like a town out of a storybook。
'My foster parents never had much time for me though Satsugai gave them enough money each month。 They never wanted children。 So I had a lot of time to myself。 I remember that during the days I'd sit in the tall grass； hearing the cicadas in my ears … the shrill metallic sound of the locusts late in the summer 。。。' She breathed deeply； staring up at the nodding foliage of the cryptomeria。 'The afternoons seemed endless。 I'd sit on 。the mountainside； overlooking the valley。 There were two long furrows etched into the foliage； brown and sere； mysteriously bare； as if some giant had scored the land in anger。 I used to spend hours wondering who had made those cruel marks。'
'The war； perhaps；' Nicholas said。
'Yes。 I never thought of that。' She turned her head away from him。 'But I'd get beaten for staying away so long even though I knew they didn't want me around。 There was never any passion。 Never even any understanding。 I was like an alien to them； some freak； a miniature adult。 It seemed as if they had never been children themselves； had no conception of what it was like to be a child。'
'Yukio；' he said softly； leaning down to kiss her tenderly。
When they broke apart； she said； 'And then there was the bamboo grove。 It was somewhat farther down the mountainside。 I discovered it quite by accident； early on； when I was ？lost one afternoon。 I used to creep out of the house at night； the darkness stifled me； as I lay in bed； sleepless。 It became solid； a crushing weight pressing against my eyelids until I had to get out of there。
'It was quite near a stream which bubbled constantly。 When there was a moon it looked like it was made of silver。 The water was so frigid； it numbed your mouth。
'It was like being at a shrine； standing in that grove； the tall； straight bamboos rising like columns over your head。 Their tops sometimes speared the huge orange harvest moon late in the summer； when the locusts were at their most shrill。' She moved against him as if making herself more fortable。 He felt her bare flesh against his。 'It was the only place I could call my own。 My secret place。 I had sex there for the first time。' He felt the musculature of her body beginning to tremble as if she were cold。 'I brought a boy there。 He lived on a near…by farm。 It was his first time； too； I think。 He'd only seen the cattle do it and he wasn't very good。 He was so nervous； wanting to do it the way he'd seen the horses performing。 He was so excited； he went all over my thigh。'
'In the West；' Nicholas said； 'they say； 〃I'm ing。〃 Here； we say； 〃I'm going。〃 There's a plete reversal。'
'With death； too；〃 she whispered； 'I've heard it said。 Westerners don't understand seppuku； do they？ They'll turn outwards； instead of inwards； jump off a building …'
'Or blow some poor bastard's head off before they turn the gun on themselves。〃
'Odd； isn't it？' She giggled。 'Perhaps they're barbarians； after all。' But she shivered none the less。
'Don't let's talk of death；' he said； holding her。
'No；' she whispered。 'We won't。' She reached between his thighs； caught gently hold of him； stroking。
'I