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gs.earthabides-第87章

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lived; that Joey would e back to them? Would the earth of that little mound begin to stir? 
  But Ish noticed only their quick glances; sidelong and furtive。 They said nothing。 And whatever they thought; he knew that he could work no miracle。 
  When Ezra finished talking of Joey; he continued speaking more in general。 Why did he not stop? Ish felt something wrong。 This service should not drag on! 
  Then abruptly Ezra brought himself to a close; and at the same moment Ish became conscious of another change。 All the world was suddenly brighter。 The first edge of the sun had risen above the ridge…line! 
  Ish suddenly did not know whether to be pleased or dismayed。 〃Well planned!〃 he thought。 〃But a stage…trick!〃 Then; looking around; he saw that the others were happy。 He too relaxed; and even though he recognized the theatrical touch; he was forted。 
  The return of the sun! That age…old symbol! Ezra had been too honest to promise immortality; but he had chosen his timing; and had the luck of a clear morning。 Whether you thought of personal resurrection or merely of the continuance of the race; the symbol was there。 
  Now the lanes of yellow sunlight stretched out between the long shadows of the tall dark trees。 
  In this also we are men; that we think of the dead。 Once it was not so; and when one of us died; he lay where he lay by the cave…mouth and we ran in and out there; not standing quite upright as we ran。 Now we stand upright; and now also we think of the dead。 
  So; when the rade lies there; we do not let him lie where he died。 And we do not take him by the legs carelessly; and drag him into the forest for the foxes and woodrats to gnaw on。 We do not cast him into the river carelessly for the stream to float him away。 
  No; but rather we lay him where the ground is hollowed out a little and there cover him with leaves and branches。 So he shall return to the earth; whence all things came。 
  Or else we lay him to rest among the tree…branches; and give him to the air。 Then; if the black birds e streaming from far to pluck at him; that too is right; for they are the creatures of the air。 
  Or else we give him to the bright and hot cleanliness of fire。 
  Then we go about our life as before; and soon we forget; like the beasts。 But this at least we have done; and when we shall no longer do it; then we shall no longer be men。 
  After the ceremony at the graves was over; they all walked back to the houses through the early sunshine。 Ish began to wish that he could be alone。 He did not feel it right; however; to leave Em at this time。 Before long she must have sensed how he was feeling; and she took the initiative。 
  〃Go on;〃 she said。 〃It will be better for you to take a walk; and be by yourself for a while。〃 
  He decided to go。 As he had feared; the funeral service had stirred him deeply。 Some people sought pany in time of grief; but he was one who rather should be alone。 He did not worry about Em; she was stronger than he。 
  He took no lunch with him; because he did not feel hungry。 In any case he could always step into a store; and pick out some cans。 He did not strap his pistol…belt around him; though it was routine not to go far from the houses without some kind of weapon。 At the last moment; however; he hesitated uncertainly; and then took the hammer from the mantelpiece。 
  The very fact that he took it troubled him a little。 Why was it ing to loom so large in his thoughts? It was by no means his oldest possession; because scattered throughout the house were things which he had owned and could remember even from the time of his small boyhood。 But still none of them was like the hammer。 Perhaps it was because he associated it particularly with his survival in the first days。 And yet he did not believe what the children seemed to believe about the hammer。 
  He walked away from the house; not caring in what direction he wandered; so long as he could be by himself。 The hammer dangling from one hand was a nuisance。 He began to feel an irritation against it。 Was it really ing to be a superstition in his mind too; as it was in the minds of the children? 
  Well; why did he not simply lay the hammer down; and pick it up on his way home? Or pick it up tomorrow? Yet; he did not lay it down。 
  He realized that not merely the temporary inconvenience of the hammer was irritating him against it; but rather his feeling that it was ing to be a fixation with him。 He made a sudden resolve to be done with it。 He would not let his mind be imposed upon。 As he had once before imagined himself doing; he would walk down to the Bay; and out on the old wharf; then he would throw the hammer violently; far out into the waves。 It would sink through them deep into the soft mud beneath; and that would be the end。 He walked on。 Then the memory of Joey flooded over him again; and as he walked; he thought no more of the hammer。 
  After a while he came out of his sorrow; and realized that he was actually walking and carrying the hammer。 Then he knew that he was not heading toward the Bay; in spite of his decision。 He was walking south; not west。 
  〃It would be a long walk to the Bay; and I am still not strong;〃 he said to himself。 〃There is no use walking so far just to get rid of this old hammer。 I can throw it into any gully among the bushes; and I shall soon forget where I threw it。〃 
  Then he knew again that his mind was trying to deceive him and that even if he threw the hammer into a gully he would not forget where he had thrown it and would not lose it in that way。 He quit his pretense; for he knew that he did not want to be separated from the hammer and that it had e to mean a great deal to him in some strange way。 At the same time he realized why he was walking south and where subconsciously his mind was already directing his feet。 
  He was following the broad street which led toward the University campus。 He had not been there for a long time。 As he walked; his sorrow was still with him; but in some way now it had ceased to be so overwhelming; as if his decision about the hammer had made some change。 
  Now; as so often before; he looked around him; and the mere pageant of the years seized his interest; and took his mind away from his grief。 This particular section had suffered badly in the earthquake。 There was a gully all the way across the old concrete pavement; some crack of the earthquake had made the break; rain and running water had widened and deepened it; and now trees and bushes were standing up from the line of the gully all the way across the wide street。 Swinging the hammer to give him momentum; he jumped the four…foot gap from one edge of the pavement to the other; and was pleased that his legs; in spite of his illness; were not too weak。 
  As he walked along; he saw the houses on both sides of the street; fallen into ruin now; what with the earthquake and the mere passage of time。 Vines climbed high upon them。 Encroaching trees had thrown porches out of line。 
  Everywhere he observed the struggle between the native plants which were moving back into the gardens; and the exotics which once had been planted there and carefully tended。 
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