按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
This was Joey's summer for experiment apparently； and one day he came home reeling strangely and with a strong smell of liquor on his breath。 The story came out that he； along with Walt and Weston； had visited one of the liquorstores in the nearest business district。 This was a problem that Ish had often considered。 He had once even gone into one of the stores and started opening and emptying the bottles。 After an hour's work； however； he had found that he had made too little progress； the project was obviously impossible； and the children must take their chances with an unlimited liquor supply。 And yet； when he thought about it； the situation for his children was not so different from that which he himself had experienced。 In those days his father had always had a shelf holding a bottle or two of whiskey and brandy and sherry； and there would have been nothing to stop Ish from carrying on a clandestine experiment of his own。 He had not； and so also his own children and grandchildren apparently were not greatly attracted by the unlimited stores available to them。 In fact； drunkenness had never been a problem in the munity at all。 Perhaps the simpler life they were leading took away the need for such stimulation； or perhaps the mere fact that alcohol； like air； was free to everyone； removed the lure of difficulty which had previously surrounded it。
As for Joey； Ish was pleased to see that the little fellow had still been sufficiently clever to drink only a small amount…not enough to make him really sick or even to make him pass out。 He had obviously again been showing off before the older boys； and had again succeeded in impressing them； they had e home in worse shape than he。
Nevertheless Joey was definitely tipsy； and made no objection to being put immediately to bed。 ish took the opportunity to sit at the bedside； and to deliver a lecture on the dangers of too much and too reckless experimentation； particularly if it was designed chiefly to show off before others。 He looked down at the small face in the bed； with its big eyes。 There was intelligence in the eyes； and he knew that in spite of being tipsy； Joey was prehending。 There was also sympathy in the eyes； as if they were again saying to Ish； 〃We understand together。 We both know things。 We are not like these others。〃
In a sudden flood of affection for his youngest son； Ish reached down and took one of the little hands in his own。 He saw an answering look of affection e into the big eyes； and suddenly Ish knew that behind all the boyish bumptiousness； Joey was really a timid。 sensitive child； just as he himself had once been。 In fact； Joey's brashness was only the expression of timidity gone too far the other way。
〃Joey； boy；〃 he said impulsively； 〃why do you keep straining so hard？ Weston and Walt…they're two years older than you are。 Why don't you go easier？ In ten years…twenty years…you'll be away ahead of anything they can do。〃
He saw the boy smile slightly； happily。 But Ish knew that the happiness was merely that a new…found sympathy with his father； not at an impression that the words might have made。 Any child； even a precocious one like Joey； lived in the present； to talk of ten years away was merely； for a child； to talk of centuries。
Ish looked at the little face again； and he saw the eyes roll slightly outward with drunkenness and sleepiness； and there was incongruity in the two。 Yet Ish felt this love for his son welling up more strongly than ever within him。 〃This one； this one；〃 he thought； 〃is the Child of the Blessing！ This one will carry on！〃
He saw the eyes lose focus。 and the eyelids drop shut； and so he spoke no more； but he sat there by the bed； holding the hand in his own。 Then； perhaps because sleep is so like death； a horrible fear swept in upon him。 〃Hostages to fortune！〃 he thought。 When a man loved greatly； he laid himself open。 He himself had had good luck。 He had loved greatly with Em； and now； again perhaps； with Joey。 With Em he had had the luck…but then one could never even think of Em in terms of death。 She was the stronger。 With Joey it was different。 Holding the hand； he could feel the faint throb of the pulse in the wrist； and it seemed very close to the surface。 A mere scratch would be enough。 What were the chances for a little boy； not strong of body； driven on always by too powerful a mind？
Yet； this might be the one who could shape the whole future。 He had only to grow in stature and in mind； to gain wisdom with the years； and to live。
Between the plan and the fulfillment lies always the hazard。 Heart…beat flutters； knife flashes； horse stumbles； cancer grows； more subtle foes invade。。。。
Then they sit around the fire at the cave…mouth； and say； 〃What shall we do？ Now that he is no longer here to lead us！〃 Or； while the great bell tolls； they gather in the courtyard； and say； 〃It should not have happened so。 Who is there now to give us counsel？〃 Or they meet at the street…corner； and say sadly； 〃Why did it have to be this way？ Now there is no one to take his place。 〃
Through all of history it runs as a plaint。 〃If the young king had not fallen ill。。。。 If the prince had lived。。。。 If the general had not so recklessly exposed himself。。。。 If the president had not overworked。。。。〃
Between the plan and the fulfillment stands always the frail barrier of a human life。
Once more the fogs thinned out； and then came the first hot days。 〃I have seen it again；〃 Ish thought to himself。 〃The great pageant of the year！ Now is the time of dryness and death。 Now the god lies dying。 Soon the rains will e； and then the hills will be green。 At last one morning I shall look out westward； here from the porch； and I shall see the sun setting far to the south。 Then we shall all go together； and I shall carve the number into the rock。 What shall we call this Year； I wonder！〃
By now also it was time to be expecting Dick and Bob to return from their expedition in the jeep。 Ish still worried and felt guilty sometimes at having allowed the boys to go； but now they had been gone so long that he was somewhat accustomed to the idea and did not feel the strain so much as he had earlier。 And at the same time he had another worry and sense of guilt that tended to counteract this one。
The children！ Their superstition and their ideas about religion！ He had said to himself that all this would be easy to counteract； he had said that he would do something that next day。 Yet all summer he had been flinching。
Was it actually that he did not want to do anything？ Did he really want the children to think of Joey as the possessor of some special power？ Deep within himself； did he want the children to think of him； Ish； as a god？ Not every day or every year could a man have reason to play with the intoxicating idea that he was being a god。 Oh； well…say； at least a demi…god； a being of some degree of special power！
Ever since the incident of the hammer； he had been studying curiously the children's attitude toward him。 It was changeable and uncertain。 Sometimes； he sensed that feeling of awe which he had seen on that day of the incident with the hammer。 He； like Joey； but even more