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' 'Yes。'' Adona nodded。' 'I know you well。 You need passion。 Like with Estilo and me; there is a passion。 But your passion is for what? This violence; living on the edge of the great abyss?'' Her eyes were sad。 〃I think this is not healthy。〃
' 'Estilo said much the same thing to me this afternoon。''
Adona smiled。 〃Estilo is very fond of you。〃 She laughed; a beautiful musical sound。 〃Did you know that in the beginning I was quite jealous of you?''
〃You had no reason to be;〃 Tori said。
〃Why not? Estilo is no angel。 But then who is? Me? Are you?〃
〃No;〃 Tori said; abruptly thinking of Greg; soaring like an angel above Earth's atmospheric envelope。 And then; while crawling outside; along the skin of his vehicle; something had punctured his EVA suit; and all the oxygen had been sucked from his lungs。 A matter of seconds; that's all it had taken。 From heaven to hell; with only the brittle blue starlight for pany。 ' 'Death by hypoxia;'' his death certificate had read; but that was so cold; so clinical。 It had not described his iced body; blistered and bruised beyond recognition by the cruel vacuum of space。
〃Tori。〃 Adona was gripping her arm。 〃Here; take some brandy; you've gone white。〃
〃I'm all right。〃 But just the same; Tori downed the liquor。
Adona shook her head。 〃There was a time;〃 she said; 〃when I longed for the life you lead: armed to the teeth; in the jungle; me enemy just ahead。 It made me feel so 。。。 I don't know; alive。〃 She took the empty glass from Tori's hand。 〃But times change; I've changed。 The truth is that the only time I felt safe was when I had a MAC…10 in my hands and a knife on my hip。 Then I knew I was the equal of any man…not sexually; and certainly not emotionally。 But still I felt equal。 A man could kill; and so could I。 I was respected; even at times deferred to。 Then; at last; there was no difference between us。 You understand。〃
Tori looked at her。 〃What changed?〃
Adona shrugged。 〃The world turns on its axis; the seasons change; day into night。 Who really can say with certainty? But I suspect that I have found that whatever I was reaching for is nonexistent or; at least; illusory。 I feel as though in trying to measure up to men's standards; I've been sucked whole into their world。 And I've discovered I don't like it。〃
〃What does Estilo say to all this? He met you in the jungle; that's where you fell in love。〃
〃Estilo doesn't know。〃
〃But you must tell him;〃 Tori said。 〃Estilo loves you; he wants you to be happy。〃
Adona's liquid brown eyes locked with Tori's。 〃Yes; he loves me。 But happiness; now that's another matter entirely。 Estilo is the consummate businessman…he lives for the deal; it doesn't matter what the deal is。 Because each deal is well…defined; and Estilo's world is well…defined。 I have spent so much time and effort to bee a part of that world; and now; as far as he's concerned; everything meshes perfectly。 He couldn't let me go。 My role is too well…defined。 If I were to leave; a black hole would appear; an undefined gap he could not tolerate。''
〃But do you want to leave him?〃
Adona gave off a little smile; like the glow of a tiny candle as darkness falls。 〃I don't know。〃
〃Don't let him go;〃 Tori said。 〃He's a good man。〃
' 'Well; at least he's a little good。''
Adona suddenly leaned forward; kissed Tori on both cheeks。 〃Go enjoy the party。 Too much gloomy talk is bad for the soul。''
Tori squeezed Adona's hand; left her to monitor the ing food。 The rooms were filled with people…Buenos Aires' most famous artists; models; chantas… and smoke; but somehow Estilo found Tori; pushed a Kir Royale into her hand; kissed her on the cheek; murmured an endearment in German。 He used German infrequently; only when he was slightly drunk; and never in a place where he could be overheard。 He was Argentine; after all; and had his own myth to foster。
〃It is times like this;〃 he said; linking his aim in hers; 〃when I miss Munich most。'' Tori knew he traveled to Germany several times a year。 〃Have you ever eaten in Die Aubergine?〃
〃I've never been to Munich;〃 Tori said with a sense of deja vu。 They'd had this conversation many times。
〃Ah; to look out on the Maximilianplatz and dine on such food!〃 Estilo shook his head。 〃Still; Buenos Aires is home。 And; after all; Munich is not such a mysterious place。 And the Germans…ach; the Germans never change。 That is supposed to be their great strength。 But I have never found much to admire in stone and concrete。〃
He guided her outside; onto the terrace that overlooked Buenos Aires。 It faced west; and one could see the boundary; the end of the city's lights; the darkness along the wind…whipped plain where the Pampa…Argentina's great prairie; filled with cowboys; ranchers; people used to a hard; dusty existence began。
Estilo pointed to the darkness。 〃There is where I was born; schatzie。 Not in Germany; like my father。 He married the daughter of an estanciero; and I like to think I was born atop a horse。'' He laughed abruptly。 〃But that may be just another myth。 My analyst says I rely too heavily on myth。 But she doesn't understand。 I am half German; I; more than most portenos; need the sanctuary of myth in order to live with myself。 I don't know what my father did during the war and; God help me; I don't want to know。 Do you think I can tell my analyst this?〃 He shrugged。 〃It doesn't matter; really。 The truth is; I'd rather take her to bed than talk to her。〃 Estilo looked at Tori suddenly。 〃And you; schatzie。 What is the truth about you?〃
' 'I thought we had an agreement;'' Tori said。
〃We do。 Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies; yes? We have helped each other out in the past without being told precisely what the other did。〃 He shrugged。 〃That does not mean we don't know; eh?〃 Estilo was very grave。 〃But I must tell you that sometimes you worry me。 I never had children; I never thought I wanted them; I am far too self…indulgent。 But I confess that often I feel as if you are my daughter。 I feel the urge to protect you even though I know that is the last thing you want from anyone。〃
All at once。 Tori understood that Estilo was afraid of offending her。 She felt a corresponding rush of emotion that threatened
to strangle her: thinking of Greg; who had only wanted to protect her。 She went immediately into prana; deep; controlled breathing that sent oxygen through her entire body。
〃You're very kind;〃 she said at last。 The lights of the city shone through the night; illuminating the undersides of lowering clouds。 The air had turned heavy; soon it would rain。 〃And you're very dear to me。〃 She gave him a tiny smile that had about it an ironic edge。 〃But it is you portenos who are mad about analysts。〃
〃In my many years on this planet;'' Estilo said;' 'I have e to realize that everyone can; at one time or another; benefit from introspection。 You are an extraordinary human being。 Tori; but in this; I think; you are no exception。〃
Tori smiled; kissed him on the cheek; embraced him briefly。 〃Thank you; Papa;〃 she said in German。
Estilo looked into her eyes; and she was reminded of Ariel; of how the younger man also had looked her in the eyes this afternoon at the Cafe la Biela; of the differ