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〃I know。〃
There was silence for a time。 Ellis Nunn stopped them in the center of the pergola。 The wisteria twined over their heads； creating a cool； green bower。 〃How did Greg seem to you？〃
〃Changed；〃 Tori said； and she saw her father wince。 〃It's only to be expected； after what he's been through。〃
〃Which is what？ Even Bernard had no idea what the Russians were doing with him or why they were keeping him captive。〃
〃It seems that he and his Russian cosmonaut counterpart were part of a highly secret experiment involving controlled exposure to cosmic rays。''
''Good God。'' Tori could see her father shaking。 In a moment he said； 〃We must make a pact。 We will never under any circumstances tell your mother this。〃
〃But Greg told me you knew what he looked like。〃
〃Either he was mistaken or he was misinformed。〃
〃Then she won't be able to see him。 His skin is silvery and slick like a dolphin's； he's hairless。 And there may be other changes by the time you get to see him。〃
Ellis Nunn sat abruptly on the Roman…style stone bench in the center of the pergola。 He stared at nothing。 〃Ah；〃 he said softly。 〃What a world。〃
They remained like that for some time； father and daughter； near one another yet in other； more important ways； apart。
Tori knew that her heart should go out to her father； yet she felt nothing。 He was still as closed off to her as he had ever been。 She wondered what went on in his mind。 Other than his quite obvious love for Greg； she could discover nothing。
Into her mind crept memories of Koi。 The essence of that last afternoon with Koi glowed like a pearl in the viscera of her memory。 Intense splashes of color； the flash of the blade； the first splash of blood； so shocking。 The lights in the mountains glowing。 Opening the door； letting the light in。 Wasn't that something that Greg had said？ Tori wondered how one person's death could open the door； let the light in。
And； yet； it was so。 Koi's last moments had somehow changed Tori in the same way they had changed Koi herself。 I was also wearing white that afternoon； Tori thought。 Her blood seeped onto me； into me。 She was obsessed the way I was。 But being with her allowed me to look into the mirror of my own soul； to see what for so long I had not wanted to see。
I was addicted to violence； to the power wielding it gave me in a man's world。 But in her I saw how utterly corrupting violence is。 In the end Koi understood that about herself。 So sad that she had to die； so sad that she could not change as I will make myself change。
Ellis Nunn shook himself。 He became aware of Tori； watched for a time the look on her face。 He opened his mouth as if to say something； then closed it。
Silence seeped in around them like the twining vines of the wisteria。
Laura Nunn arrived back in Diana's Garden just before midnight。 She always seemed to have a knack of knowing where Tori was in the vast house； and so she swept into the library where Tori sat curled in a chair； reading Stanley Karnow's Vietnam： A History。
〃Darling！ It's so wonderful to have you home again！〃
〃Hello； Mother。〃 Tori closed her book。
Laura Nunn frowned； arranged herself in the lotus position at the foot of Tori's chair。 〃Yoga keeps the body young and supple。'' She laughed a little at the stilted phrase； learned from her instructor。
Tori knew she was nervous。 She sat up。 She had never known her mother to be nervous。
Laura Nunn said； 〃I understand you saw Greg。〃
〃Why didn't you tell me he was alive？ Why did you let me go on grieving for him？〃
〃Oh； my darling； don't you think your father and I weren't grieving for the torture he was undergoing？''
〃You're avoiding answering me。''
〃I've never been very good at handling inquisitions。〃
Tori moaned。 〃One question is not an inquisition； Mother。〃
〃It's the tone I'm talking about； not the number。〃
〃All right； I'm sorry。〃 Tori knew she'd never get anywhere unless she acquiesced。
Laura Nunn nodded。 〃I was told not to。〃
〃By whom？〃
〃Why； your father； of course。〃
Tori regarded her mother for some time before she said； 〃Was not telling me his idea？〃
〃Well； no；〃 Laura Nunn said。 〃As I remember it； Bernard Godwin might have mentioned it。〃
〃Do you know why？〃 One had to be patient； like dealing with a recalcitrant six…year…old。
〃Of course I do；〃 Laura Nunn said； angry。 〃He wanted to spare you。〃 She nodded。 〃Yes； those were his words exactly。 'I want to spare Tori any unnecessary anxiety。' ''
〃I think I'm going to need a better explanation than that。〃
〃You must ask your father； then。〃
Tori leaned forward。 〃I'm asking you。〃
〃Don't do this to me； Tori。 It's not my place…〃
〃You're my mother；〃 Tori said heatedly。 〃It is your place。〃
Laura Nunn put her head in her hands； began to sob。 Tori watched her； uncertain whether this scene was real； planned； or was simply another of her mother's ad…libbed 〃actor's exercises。〃
〃I suppose you think I'm a foolish woman；〃 Laura Nunn said when her sobbing subsided sufficiently。 〃Always involved in the latest fashions； always throwing lavish parties。 No； don't bother to deny it。 There's no point anymore。〃 She wiped her eyes； sighed。 〃The truth is； I detest all that。 The truth is； I'm a simple country girl who is； at heart； far too insecure to risk being herself。〃
She tossed her head； sniffled。 〃Anyway； I'm in the wrong city； the wrong profession for that。 No one seems interested in finding out what's below the careful facade。 In this town； when anyone bothers to scratch the surface； they do it to draw blood； not to discover what's underneath。〃
〃Sort of like my profession；'' Tori said； seeing it for the first time。
Laura Nunn cocked her head thoughtfully。 〃Yes； now that you mention it； perhaps that's true。 But only in a way。〃 She reached out； put her hand gently； almost shyly； on her daughter's knee。 〃But you're so much more； Tori。 I mean； you're the Zen Policeman； aren't you？〃
Tori； her heart thudding heavily； could hear Greg saying； Remember the Zen Policeman； and his small smile that had stayed with her all the way home。
〃What do you mean？〃
〃Well； I shouldn't tell you this； I suppose； but 。。。 Well； that's how your father thinks of you； as the Zen Policeman。〃 She took Tori's hand in hers； squeezed it。 〃Oh； I know you think he's hard and uncaring。 I know it hurts you to think that he loves Greg and not you。 But that's so far from the truth it's laughable。
〃The truth is that Greg was always the difficult one。 He drove your father to distraction。 He was a weak child； and always afraid； of the dark； of being alone； and especially of being in the water。 I took to protecting him which； I'm afraid； angered your father farther。 'A boy should look up to his father；' Ellis once told me sternly。 'Not his mother。'
〃Anyway； Ellis fell madly in love with you from the moment I gave birth to you。 You were such a happy baby。 And you were strong and so very smart when he played with you。 You so delighted him！ You were going to fulfill his every dream。
''And then； inexplicably； you left him。 You ran away…all the way to Japan； the other side of the world。 You abandoned him； and he was utterly devastated。〃
Once again Tori heard Bernard Godwin's voice； sayi