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little guy with incredible vibes and a darling smile。 I love him； I really do； and I only got to hold him for a short time。 But what am I supposed to do with this faith？ It seems I should be able to use it somehow。
The sun slowly sets。 The stars e out。
The moon has yet to rise。
I stare at the stars and pray for them to help me。
Then I realize something quite extraordinary。
The last time I went to see Suzama； she was wearing a blue scarf that had gold threads woven in it deputing the constellations in the sky； both the northern and the southern sky。 Last night Paula was wearing a blue scarf as well； also woven with a pattern in gold thread。 In fact； the more I think about it； the more convinced I am that the scarves are identical。
I am hardly given a chance to wonder how that could be possible。
Because something strange starts to happen。
The more I visualize those hauntingly beautiful star patterns in Suzama's scarf the brighter the stars above me grow。 And what is even stranger is that this experience has already been described to me by Paula。
〃The sky was filled with a million stars。 They were so bright！ I could have been in outer space。。。。 It was almost as if I had been transported to another world； inside a huge star cluster； and was looking up at its nighttime sky。〃
The stars grow so bright I can feel their energy on the top of my head； streaming down into my whole body。 One star in particular； a bright blue one straight overhead； seems to soar in brilliance as I look up and concentrate on it。 It grows in size。 It could be a blue saucer racing toward the earth。 A high…pitched sound starts to vibrate through the area。 Paula's words are still in my mind。
〃The rays of the star pierced my eyelids。 The sound pierced my ears。 I wanted to scream。 Maybe I was screaming。 But I don't think I was in actual physical pain。 It was more as if I was being transformed。〃
I think I am screaming too。 This is how it felt when the moon would pour into the top of my head and turn me into a nice friendly ghost that could float off on the desert wind。 But this vibration is thousands of times more intense。 It feels as if the starlight is irradiating the nerve fibers in my spinal cord； changing them into magnetic circuits on a cosmic grid； a stellar system of munication and propulsion that has been there since the beginning of time； even though no one imagined it existed。 I only have to want to plug into it to be able to use it。 At the same time； I don't know if I am in physical distress。 Blissful terror is a better expression for it； the entire experience is destroying everything that I thought is me； and yet there is relief in the destruction as well。 But just when I think I will either explode or turn into a galactic android； it stops。
Unlike Paula I do not black out。
I am suddenly floating high above the desert。
In a glistening blue body。
It is very nice。 This body； this state of being； carries none of the burdens of the physical realm。 I am quite content just to float around with the stars。 I can still see the desert far below； the rolling hills of sand； the edges of the shadows of the tall Joshuas shimmering under the intoxicating rays of the galaxy's stars。 I realize then how crucial a role the stars play in our lives； their constant subtle influence bubbles on the edges of energy fields we are unaware we possess。 Yet I do not think about it too much because I cannot be bothered thinking。
After some time I bee aware that there is a highly dense bundle of red energy descending from above。 Just the sight of it fills me with revulsion and I want to get out of its way。 It is the opposite of what I am； it is neither love nor bliss。 I desire to avoid it at all costs and I know that I merely have to will myself to be gone。
It is only then that I fully remember who I am。
The transformation had caused me momentary amnesia。
I remember why I have e to the desert。 The child。
Far below me； I see James holding the baby。 He is encapsulated in the same red light； but the baby glows in his arms like a tiny blue star。 My awareness goes up and down； back and forth between them。 As the red energy bundle es closer I see that it is taking on substance； gaining the vague shape of a flying saucer。 It seems as if from an unseen realm I am presented with a choice。 I can try to enter this ship； in my blue body； and stop what is being planned by the Setians； or I can simply float away and be happy。 Yet if I choose the former course； there is danger。 I can bee trapped； I sense。 My very soul can be chained in a place of demons。
Because if I go into the ship I will have to go into a demon。
The choice； the universe seems to say； is mine。
I think of Kalika then； of her great sacrifice。
This thought makes the choice for me。
I float into the ship。
It is a vessel of serpents。 There are six of them； big ugly brutes with long tails and scaly hides； thick snouts and cold； dead eyes； all sitting around a square viewing port and each manipulating controls of some kind。 But one is clearly in charge。 Besides being the largest； he has the most highly charged energy field。 He is like a swollen red sun from the wrong side of the galaxy。 And I know he is the one I have to attack。
In a moment I am inside his body。
His mind。 What a pit it is。
This is a true Setian； a genuine demon。 His lusts and passions seem to spin in a vortex； yet he is highly intelligent and has worked long and hard to attain the rank he now holds。 He is being sent by his superiors on this important mission to bring back the human avatar； the crowning jewel of all prizes。 If he is successful； he will be given an opportunity to consume the energy of the child with his masters。 His name is Croka and he lives off the emotions of hate and fear。 They are food to him as humans are food to him。 He can consume the holy child and be strengthened by him。 On his home world； I see that black ceremonies will be performed to prepare the feast。
But Croka is not yet aware that I am in his mind。
The ship lands in the desert and the six Setians climb out into the night air。 Still inside Croka I move with them。 Yet I know this ship； these creatures even； are not really physical。 The average human； if he or she were to pass this spot； would see nothing； yet he or she would most certainly feel a great dread。 Simply to be inside Croka's mind is a torture as great as any that I have ever known。 It is as bad as seeing my own daughter die。 Yet I am now determined that her death will not be in vain。
James can see the Setians。 He bows as they sit in a semicircle around him。 He stands respectfully； the child in his hands。 Little John gazes at them in wonder； the red light cracking and sparking around his blue aura。 Clearly the baby can see them； yet he does not cry out。 The reptilian Setians are large； even though they are sitting； their ugly heads rise above James's。 The one farthest from Croka bids James bring the child closer。 It seems the monster wants to gloat over it； paw it even； and this to me is unbearable。 Yet I know the creature will not really harm it。 The feast is planned for