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I took him roughly by the shoulders。 He didn't fear my hands。 He didn't care。
〃Amadeo； listen to me。 We cannot give way to this desire。 I have lived a thousand years and more without making a blood drinker； and now you； within months of your own transformation； would make the first mortal for whom you feel inordinate love？〃
He was crying bitterly。 He tried to free himself from me； but I would not allow it。
〃I wanted so to tell her of the things I see with these new eyes！〃 he whispered。 The blood tears spilled down his boyish cheeks。 〃I wanted so to tell her how all the world is changed。〃
〃Amadeo； know the value of what you possess and the price of what you give。 Two years I prepared you for the Blood； and even so the giving of it was too rapid； spurred on by Lord Harlech's poisoned blade。 Now you would visit this power upon Bianca？ Why？ Because you would have her know what has befallen you？〃
I released him。 I let him fall on his knees beside the bed； spilling his tears as he cried。
I sat at the desk。
〃How long do you think I've wandered this Earth？〃 I asked。 〃Do you know how many times it had crossed my mind in carelessness and wanton temper to make another blood drinker？ But I did not do it； Amadeo。 Not until my eyes fell upon you。 I tell you； Bianca is not to be what we are。〃
〃She'll grow old and die！〃 he whispered。 His shoulders moved with his sobs。 〃Are we to see it？ Are we to watch this happen？ And what will she think of us as the years pass？〃
〃Amadeo； stop with this。 You cannot make all of them what we are。 You cannot make one after another without conscience or imagination。 You cannot！ For everyone there must be preparation； learning； discipline。 For everyone there must be care。〃
Finally he dried his tears。 He stood up and he turned to face me。 There seemed an awful calm in him； an unhappy and grim calm。
And then there came a solemn question from his lips。
〃Why did you choose me； Master？〃 he asked。
I was frightened at this question； and I think he saw it before I could hide it。 And I marveled that I had been so unprepared to answer such a thing。
I felt no tenderness for him suddenly； for he seemed so strong as he stood there； so very certain of himself and of the question which he had just put to me。
〃Did you not ask me for the Blood； Amadeo？〃 I responded； my voice cool。 I was trembling。 How deeply I loved him； and how I didn't want him to know。
〃Oh； yes； sir；〃 he responded in a small； calm voice； 〃indeed I did ask you but that was after many a taste of your power； was it not？〃 He paused； then continued。 〃Why did you choose me for those kisses？ Why did you choose me for the final gift？〃
〃I loved you；〃 I said without further ado。
He shook his head。
〃I think there's more to it；〃 he answered。
〃Then be my teacher；〃 I answered。
He came closer to me； and looked down at me as I remained seated at my desk。
〃There's a bitter cold in me；〃 he said； 〃a cold which es from a distant land。 And nothing ever really makes it warm。 Even the Blood did not make it warm。 You knew of this cold。 You tried a thousand times to melt it； and transform it to something more brilliant； but you never succeeded。 And then on the night that I came near to death…no； was； in fact； dying…you counted upon that cold to give me the stamina for the Blood。〃
I nodded。 I looked away； but he put his hand on my shoulder。
〃Look at me； please； sir；〃 he said。 〃Isn't it so？〃 His face was serene。
〃Yes；〃 I said； 〃it's so。〃
〃Why do you shrink from me as I ask this question？〃 he pressed。
〃Amadeo；〃 I said； speaking firmly； 〃is this a curse； this Blood？〃
〃No；〃 he answered quickly。
〃Think on it before you answer。 Is it a curse！〃 I declared。
〃No；〃 he said again。
〃Then cease your questions。 Don't seek to anger me or embitter me。 Let me teach you what I have to teach。〃
He had lost this little battle and he walked away from me； looking once more like the child； though his full seventeen years as a mortal had rendered him more than that。
He climbed upon the bed； and curled his legs beneath him； sitting there motionless in the alcove of red taffeta and red light。
〃Take me back to my home； Master；〃 he said。 〃Take me back to Russia where I was born。 You can take me there； I know you can。 You have that power。 You can find the place。〃
〃Why； Amadeo？〃
〃I must see it to forget it。 I must know for certain that it was 。 。 。 what it was。〃
J thought on this for a long time before I answered。
〃Very well。 You will tell me all you remember and I will take you where you want to go。 And into the hands of your human family you can place whatever wealth you wish。〃
He said nothing to this。
〃But our secrets will be kept from them； as our secrets are kept from everyone。〃
He nodded。
〃And then we shall return。〃
Again he nodded。
〃All this will happen after the great feast that Bianca will start preparing。 On that night； here； we will dance with our invited guests。
Over and over again； you will dance with Bianca。 We will use our greatest skill to pass among our guests as human。 And I shall count upon you as much as I count upon Bianca or Vincenzo。 And the feast will leave all of Venice in awe。〃
A faint smile came over his face。 Again he nodded。
〃Now you know what I want of you；〃 I declared。 〃I want that you befriend the boys all the more lovingly。 And I want that you go to Bianca all the more often； after you've fed of course； and your skin is ruddy； and that you tell her nothing； nothing of the magic by which you were saved。〃
He nodded。
〃I thought。。。〃 he whispered。
〃You thought？ 〃I asked。
〃I thought if I had the Blood I would have all things；〃 he said。 〃And now I know that it's not so。〃
23
No MATTER how long we exist； we have our memories… points in time which time itself cannot erase。 Suffering may distort my backward glances； but even to suffering； some memories will yield nothing of their beauty or their splendor。 Rather they remain as hard as gems。
So it is with me and the night of Bianca's most supreme feast； and indeed I call it that because it was Bianca who created it； merely using the wealth and rooms of my palazzo for her finest achievement in which all the apprentices participated and in which even humble Vincenzo was given a dramatic role。
All of Venice did e to partake of our never ending banquet； and to delight in the singing and the dancing； whilst the boys performed in numerous and grandly staged tableaux。
It seemed that every room had its own singers or divine pageants。 The music of the lute； the virginal； and a dozen other instruments blended to make the lovely songs that lulled and enchanted everyone； as the younger boys； royally costumed； went about filling cups from golden pitchers of wine。
And Amadeo and I did dance ceaselessly； stepping carefully and gracefully as was the fashion then…one walked to music； really… clasping hands with many a Venetian beauty as well as our beloved genius of the whole affair。
Many a time； I snatched her away from the illumination of the candles a