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s heartbroken。
I sat down at my desk。 I looked out over the river。 I felt the warm spring breeze。
I thought of all the many things she and I should have said to each other； all the many things I might have said in a calmer spirit to persuade her。 I told myself she wasn't gone beyond reach。 I told myself that she knew where I was； and that she could write to me。 I told myself anything I needed to keep my sanity。
And I did not hear it when Bianca came into the room。 I did not hear it when she sat down in a large tapestried armchair quite near to me。
I saw her as if she were a vision when I looked up…a flawless young boy with porcelain cheeks； her blond hair pulled back in a black ribbon； her frock coat embroidered in gold； her shapely legs in spotless white hose； her feet in ruby buckled shoes。
Oh； what a divine guise it was…Bianca as the young nobleman； known to the few mortals who mattered as her own brother。 And how sad were her peerless blue eyes； as she looked at me。
〃I feel sorry for you；〃 she said quietly。
〃Do you？〃 I asked。 I said these words with my broken heart。 〃I hope you do； my precious darling； because I love you； I love you more than I have ever loved you； and I need you。〃
〃But that's just the point； you see；〃 she said in a low passionate voice。 〃I heard the things you said to her。 And I'm leaving you。〃
33
FOR THREE LONG NIGHTS I pleaded with her not to go as she made her preparations。 I went down on my knees。 I swore to her that I had said only what needed to be said to make Pandora remain with me。
I told her in every way I knew how that I loved her； and would never have abandoned her。
I told her that she would never be able to survive alone； and that I feared for her。
But nothing would turn her from her decision。
Only on the beginning of the third night did I realize that she was really going。 Up until then； I had thought that such was absolutely inconceivable。 I couldn't lose her。 No； such a thing could not happen。
At last； I begged her to sit down and listen to me as I poured out my honest heart； confessing every bad thing which I had said； every cheap denial of her which had e from my lips； every desperate foolish thing I'd said to Pandora。
〃But what I want now is to talk of you and me；〃 I said； 〃and how it's always been between us。〃
〃Yes； you may do that if you wish；〃 she said； 〃if it makes the pain less for you； but Marius； I am going。〃
〃You know how it was with me and Amadeo；〃 I said。 〃I took him into my house when he was very young and gave him the Blood when mortality gave me no quarter。 We were Master and pupil always； and there was mockery and a dark division。 Perhaps you never saw this； but it was there； I assure you。〃
〃I saw it；〃 she said。 〃But I knew your love was greater。〃
〃And so it was；〃 I said。 〃But he was a child； and my man's heart always knew there was something finer and greater。 Much as I cherished him； much as the mere sight of him delighted me； I could not confide to him my worst fears or pains。 I could not tell him the tales of my life。 They were too big for him。〃
〃I understand you； Marius；〃 she said gently。 〃I always have。〃
〃And Pandora。 You saw it with your own eyes。 The bitter quarrel again； just as it had been so many centuries ago； the bitter fighting in which no real truth can be discovered。〃
〃I saw it；〃 she said in her quiet way。 〃I follow your meaning。〃
〃You saw her fear of the Mother and the Father；〃 I pleaded。 〃You heard her say that she couldn't e into the house。 You heard her speak of her fear of everything。〃
〃I did；〃 she answered。
〃And what was this one night between me and Pandora but misery； as it had been long ago； misery and misunderstanding。〃
〃I know； Marius；〃 she answered。
〃But Bianca； what has it always been with you and me but harmony？
Think of our long years when we dwelt in the shrine； and went out on the night winds where I could carry us。 Think of the quiet between us； or the long conversations in which I talked of so many things and you listened。 Could two beings have been closer than we were？〃
She bowed her head。 She didn't answer。
〃And these last years；〃 I pleaded。 〃Think of all the pleasures we have shared； our secretive hunting in the forests； our visits to the country festivals； our quiet attendance in the great cathedrals when the candles burn and the choirs sing； our dancing at the Court Balls。 Think of all of it。〃
〃I know； Marius；〃 she said。 〃But you lied to me。 You didn't tell me why we were ing to Dresden。〃
〃I confess； it's true。 Tell me what I can do to make up for it？〃
〃Nothing； Marius；〃 she answered。 〃I'm going。〃
〃But how will you live？ You can't live without me。 This is madness。〃
〃No； I shall live quite well；〃 she said。 〃And I must go now。 I must travel many miles before dawn。〃
〃And where will you sleep？ 〃
〃That is my worry now。〃
I was almost on the point of frenzy。
〃Don't follow me； Marius；〃 she said； as if she could read my mind which she could not。
〃I can't accept this；〃 I responded。
A silence fell between us； and I realized she was looking at me； and I looked at her； unable to hide a particle of my unhappiness。
〃Bianca； don't do this；〃 I pleaded。
〃I saw your passion for her；〃 she whispered； 〃and I knew that in a moment you would cast me aside。 Oh； don't deny it。 I saw it。 And something in me was crushed。 I couldn't protect that thing。 I couldn't prevent its destruction。 We were too close； you and I。 And though I have loved you with my whole soul； so I believed I knew you pletely； I didn't know the being you were with her。 I didn't know the being whom I saw in her eyes。〃
She rose from the chair and moved away from me。 She looked out the window。
〃I wish I had not heard all those many words；〃 she said； 〃but we have such gifts； we blood drinkers。 And do you think I don't realize that you would never have made me your child except for the fact that you needed me？ Had you not been burnt and helpless； you would never have given me the Blood。〃
〃Will you listen to me when I tell you that's not so？ When first I saw you I loved you。 It was only out of respect for your mortal life that I didn't share these cursed gifts with you！ It was you who filled my eyes and heart before I ever found Amadeo。 I swear this to you。 Don't you remember the portraits I painted of you？ Do you remember the hours I spent in your rooms？ Think now on all that we've given each other。〃
〃You deceived me；〃 she said。
〃Yes； I did；〃 I said。 〃And I admit it； and I swear that I shall never do it again。 Not for Pandora or for anyone。〃
On and on I pleaded。
〃I can't stay with you；〃 she said。 〃I must go now。〃
She turned around and looked at me。 She seemed wrapped in quiet and resolution。
〃I'm begging you；〃 I said again。 〃Without pride； without reserve； I'm begging you； don't leave me。〃
〃I must go；〃 she said。 〃And now； please； let me go down to take my leave of the Mother and the Father。 I would do this alone if you would allow it。〃
I nodded。
It was a long time before she came up from the sh