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ures。 I got an impression of five… and ten…credit items！ Columns of them！ Nothing less than five or ten credits a person an item in this place？ Ow！
The balladess was finished and there was a spattering of applause。 She went back to her table and party。
A man stood up and marched out onto the dance floor。 He took some hoops out of his evening suit； appeared to light them and then began to juggle them。 One would have thought he would have burned his hands but it was just simulated fire。
〃This is why they call it the Artistic Club；〃 Heller was telling the Countess。 〃Everybody who es here must do an act。 It goes on all night。〃
〃Don't some of them get stage fright？〃 I said。
〃The management thought of that；〃 said Heller。 〃They keep count and if any single person at a table backs out； the bill for the whole table is doubled！〃
〃What a funny idea；〃 said the Countess。 And she was laughing。 I wasn't！ Even though I couldn't pay the bill in the first place； the thought of doubling horrified me。
〃I'm hungry；〃 said Hightee。
And as host I had to ask politely； 〃What would you like？〃 Heller beckoned over a yellow…man waiter。 He pushed the table button and the tabletop lit up； amazingly with the menu vertical and straight before each guest。
I felt like I was dying when I saw all those five… and ten…credit items！ I made my throat behave。 〃Order away；〃 I said gaily。 It sounded more like a funeral dirge。
They all decided to have mountain springers…the small game animal imported from Chimpton； a whole planet away。 Prohibitive！ Ten credits a plate！
After solemn deliberation； they elected to have red bubblebrew。 At ten credits the canister！
Then they decided on flaming icecake for dessert！ At fifteen credits each！
My lightning fast ability to calculate put it at one hundred and five credits！
The management threw in toasted drybuns for nothing。 How nice of them！ They must be the most expensive club on Voltar！
I let them order me the same。 I might as well be cashiered or executed on a full stomach。 For my choice was either to use my identoplate and be court…martialled or use the counterfeit money I carried and be executed！
The mountain springer came and I picked at it； expecting perhaps to find diamonds imbedded in it。
Heller whispered to me； 〃Don't look so worried。 It'll be all right。 Have a good time。 Don't spoil it for the girls。〃 A lot he knew！ This （bleeping） party of mine was going to ruin me。 But then I remembered that a lot of other officers； faced with promotion parties； had had to starve a month or two。 I drank my canister of red bubblebrew。 But none of that made me feel any better。
They chattered and joked and seemed to enjoy the dinner immensely。 I did eat。 I was hungry。
When the last flicker of icecake fire had disappeared down their throats； Heller signalled a hovering yellow…man and ordered another round of red bubblebrew！ That made it one hundred and eighty credits！
They drank to clear skies and bright stars。 They drank to success and more promotions。 They drank to a not…thinly…veiled 〃mission。〃 They drank to Hightee's next play。
Heller ordered another round of red bubblebrew！ Two hundred and twenty credits！
They all sat back now； watching the other guests perform。 Some were good； some were bad； some got a little applause； some got quite a bit。
I had just settled into a kind of stupor。 The inevitability of my two choices weighed me down。 It couldn't be any worse。
And then it was！
A light was flash…flash…flashing at our table。 Hightee poked me in the shoulder。 〃You're first from this table。〃
〃Me？〃
〃Of course；〃 said Hightee with a smile。 〃And you'd better put on a good act！〃 She laughed。 〃If you don't perform； they double the bill！〃 The whole table thought this screamingly funny。 It must have been the red bubblebrew！ To me it was sheer tragedy。
I nervously rose to my feet to go out and be slaughtered by the mob。
Chapter 4
I had been impelled into this action by the threat of a doubled bill。 Three…quarters of the way to the stage； I realized that it was a double of something I couldn't pay the single of。 What was I doing here？
Bravery in the face of mobs is something I do not understand。 How an actor or singer or dancer can actually stand up there alone and look at an audience that is looking at him is quite beyond my prehension。
On the stage； I turned to look。 A huge； glaring spotlight was practically putting my eyes out。 Adrift and disembodied were the masks； masks； masks； all pointed in my direction。 And below it were the boots； boots； boots； stamping in a colored rippling haze of lights； ready； I was sure； to kick the daylights out of me。
What if they all rushed at me at once and started mangling me？
In other words； I had stage fright。
It had been half…formed in my mind that I would recite a poem。 When I was a child； I had been taught some poems。 〃The Brave Hec at the Battle of the Blim〃 was one of them I had been praised for when I was six。 I opened my mouth。 For the life of me I couldn't think of the first line！
Hastily； I reviewed； all in a flash； any anecdotes I knew。 There was one about two Apparatus agents who each thought the other one was a female until they wound up in bed。 I opened my mouth to start to tell it。
Ulp； the last thing I could mention here was the Apparatus！
My knees shook。 The audience was getting restive。 The huge spotlight glared pitilessly。 My buck…toothed Demon mask seemed to be melting。
Abruptly； I had an inspiration。 Naturally； a hunter of songbirds uses their calls。 I was pretty good at it。 I could lure them within a few feet before I shot them。
In a voice I intended to sound bold； but which came out quivering； I said； 〃The mountain thriller！〃 My mouth was awfully dry。 But I got my lips pursed。 I actually got the birdcall going。
Silence from the audience。
〃The meadow warbler！〃 I said。 And I gave the call of that bird。
Silence from the audience。
〃The marsh hen！〃 I said。 And I gave the somewhat raucous squawk of the marsh hen。
Silence from the audience。 Not even a patter of applause。 Nothing！
I thought furiously。 I could not remember any more calls。 Either the audience thought there were more or were waiting for me to do handstands or backflips or something。
Suddenly their silence made me very cross。 I glared at them。 I said； accusatively； 〃Well； the birds like it！〃 There was an instant storm of laughter！ They pounded their boots； they held their sides。 They laughed and laughed and laughed！
I scuttled back to our table。 The audience was still laughing。 Hightee patted my sleeve； 〃I thought you were very brave。〃 The next person on had a sonic…light drum and juggled it while playing it。 When he got through； the audience shouted at him； 〃Did the birds like it？〃 There were screams of laughter。
A girl； a singer； was on next and when she finished； the audience again called out； 〃Did the birds like it？〃 And more screams of laughter。
A man who rolled a barrel with his feet finished and the audience also asked him； 〃Did the birds like it？〃
〃You were a hit；〃 said Hightee。
I began to realize I must have been and was even starting to feel cocky。 A new round of