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d。 For a while booze did the trick； but I couldn't keep it up； my stomach wouldn't tolerate the dosage required。 Then for a while pot was a real help； but some ways made it worse： visions of spurting blood and Sean's fingers and Steve boneless like a jello man。 So I tried a hit of coke； and that was just fine； and one day a spade who looked a lot like Steve laid some smack on me。 Heroin was just what I'd been looking for； and it wasn't any surprise when I got a Jones； a habit I mean。
But it's funny。。。 I guess I really didn't want to kill myself at all。 I heard about this transcendental meditation stuff and started hanging around Ananada Marga Yoga Society meetings； and boy； I kicked clean。 Instead of getting high on smack； I got high on big bites of bliss； which is cheaper； healthier； legal and a much more satisfactory head all the way around。
It was over a year before I noticed I wasn't acplishing anything。
But about that time I got lucky and took my Doctor Webster's advice and started ing to Callahan's Place。 Things started getting clearer in my head； a lot clearer。 Next thing I knew； I was on a stage giving a speech to the V。V。A。W。； and I learned that there are things worth fighting and fighting for … but fighting clean。 I started giving talks and joining demonstrations and appearing on TV。 I've been arrested four times； had my leg broken by a county cop； and they took my name off the Native Sons Honor Roll in my home town。 My father won't talk to me … yet … and my phone is tapped。
I feel great。
〃。。。 and it's all thanks to you； Mr。 Callahan；〃 Tony finished。
〃Shucks； Tony；〃 Callahan rumbled； 〃we didn't do anything for you that you couldn't have done yourself。〃
〃You accepted me；〃 Telasco said simply。 〃You made me understand that I was just a normal human being who'd been caught up in a nightmare； a nightmare that made him realize he had the makings of a killer ape in him。 One night I told you and your customers this whole story and you didn't stare at me like a mad dog。 You told me that I needed a bigger audience。
〃You showed me that it wasn't my killer nature that was shameful； but the refusal to think things out that landed me in Nam in the first place。 You showed me that just because it took me a while to make the sort of decision Steve made didn't mean that I didn't have Steve's kind of guts in me somewhere。 I was sure I didn't have that kind of guts； and so I never looked for them。 When I did。。。 I found them。 Because you had faith in me。
〃Jail is no picnic；〃 he told the rest of us； 〃but I want to do what I can to see that no one else gets caught in the meatgrinder like I did。 But I don't do it from guilt。 I do it for its own sake。〃 He looked at Callahan。 〃I already got my absolution here。〃
Callahan topped off his glass and slapped him on the back。 〃Well spoke； Tony；〃 he boomed； and we all raised our glasses and toasted him in unison。 The fireplace exploded with glass when we were through。
〃I knew it；〃 said the Doc； 〃as soon as I saw him dressed as a shepherd I knew he had to be a vet。〃 Groans arose； but the ic relief was timely。
〃If you don't pipe down some； Doc； he won't be the only hoarse doctor around here；〃 Callahan attempted。
〃Now； now；〃 said the Doc。 〃I'm a happily married man。 I don't fool around with hoarse in either of our professional capacities。〃
I started to ask if the Doc's capacities were truly professional； but before I could； 。Mickey Finn grabbed Callahan's shoulder so hard he winced … something nobody else could have managed。
〃My friend Mike；〃 Finn said urgently； 〃That person there； in the green costume … it is not a costume。 He is not human。〃
Callahan blinked； and such jaws as were visible dropped like gallows trapdoors。 If anyone but Finn had said that … anywhere but Callahan's Place … we'd have thought he was crazy or drunk。
〃I see further into the infrared range than you humans；〃 Finn went on hurriedly。 〃I was watching the currents of heat from the fireplace make patterns in the air while I listened to your words； enjoying their lazy beauty。。。 but I just caught the green one watching them too。 Close examination shows me that his fur and features are genuine。 Friends； this is an alien。〃
We all stared at the green fellow； waiting for him to take off his mask and say something。 He looked human enough … the usual number of arms and legs I mean。 His mouth was a trifle too wide； now that I noticed； and the fur sure looked awful real。 If those pointed； oversized ears were glued on； I couldn't see where。
He looked back at us； put down his glass and shrugged knobby； tufted shoulders。 〃There is no point in denying it； gentlemen。 I am not human。 In fact； I came here tonight specifically to tell you how unhuman I am。 The words I have heard encouraged me to confess； but still I。。。 hesitated。 However； now that I have been identified by another non…human； I suppose I must speak。 Will you listen？〃
Callahan spoke for all of us。 〃Mister； if you've got troubles； you're in the right place。 Go ahead。〃
The green alien nodded。 His eyes were deeply troubled。
〃My name； gentlemen；〃 he said in a pleasing tenor； 〃is Broodseven…Sub…Two Raksha； as well as it can be translated into your tongue。 I am。。。 well； the profession does not really exist as such here； but my function bines elements of sociologist； psychologist； soldier and farmer。 My people are the Krundai； and Krundar my home is located so far from here that your instruments have not yet detected its sun。 There are several dozen Krundai on your planet； a team which has been here for over two thousand years。。。 a team of which I am the least member。〃 He paused； looked embarrassed。
〃What are you fellers doin' here？〃 Callahan asked。
〃That；〃 said the alien hesitantly； 〃is what I have e here to tell you。 It is。。。 it is not an easy thing to tell。 I have spent almost thirty of your years formulating my opinions in words and seeking someone to whom to speak them。 Fifteen of those years sufficed to eliminate as confidantes all of my fellow Krundai； for another ten I debated whether I could conceivably unburden myself to a human。 Unable to resolve the question； I spent the last five years picking those humans in whom I might confide。 I found on your planet a total of only two or three thousand humans who I felt might be able to understand and help； and thirty…five of those are now present in this room。
〃All of you at this table are such。〃
We looked around at each other； wondering whether we were all special or just crazy in the same way。 I sure didn't feel special。
〃Even now；〃 Raksha went on； 〃I have not entirely resolved my debate。 My decision is much like that of Mr。 Telasco； but it is further plicated in that it could involve betraying my entire race。 The presence of Mr。 Finn； whom I find to be； as he says； as non…human as myself； plicates things considerably … although I suspect his origins may better enable him to empathize with me。〃
He faced Finn。 〃Space holds many viewpoints； Finn。 You seem to be a traveler； of broader experience than these ephemerals。 Will you try to understand me？〃
Finn looked him square in the eye。 〃I will listen。〃