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ats motionless on a yellow plain； exhibiting no outward sign of life。 It has legs； but it never rises to walk on them。 It has a mouth； but never eats or speaks。 It has what appears to be a perfectly functional brain； the size of a four…story condominium； but the organ lies dormant； electrochemical activity at a standstill。 Yet it lives。
〃This puzzles the hell out of the scientists； who try everything they can think of to get some sign of life from the behemoth … in vain。 It just squats； motionless and seemingly thoughtless； until one day a xenobiologist； frustrated beyond endurance； screams； ‘How could evolution give legs； mouth and brain to a creature that doesn't use them？'
〃It happens that he's the first one to ask a direct question in the thing's presence。 It rises with a thunderous rumble to its full height； scattering the clouds； thinks for a second； booms； ‘IT COULDN'T；' and squats down again。
〃'Migod；' exclaims the xenobiologist； ‘Of course！ It only stands to reason。'〃
There was an extended pause； in which the sound of Long…Drink blinking was plainly audible。 Then a hailstorm of glasses； full and empty； burst in the fireplace； loud enough to drown out the great collective groan … Doc Webster's eyes rolled briefly； like loaded dice； and came up snake eyes。 Callahan began passing our fresh drinks with a slightly stunned expression。
The Doc contemplated a while； looking a lot like some of the merrier representations of the Buddha。 〃Bug…eyed punster sort of stuff； eh？ Say； did you boys ever hear of the planet where the inhabitants were mobile flowers？ Remarkably similar to Earthly blossoms； but they had feet and humanlike intelligence。 The whole planet； from the biggest bouquet to the smallest corsage； was ruled over by a king named Richard the Artichoke Heart。。。 anyhow； one day a pale … eyed perennial caught Richard's eye at a court orgy； and。。。〃
I tuned the Doc out for a second。 Fast Eddie； sensing some truly legendary horror in the offing； had stealthily left his piano stool and began edging casually toward the fire extinguisher in the corner； an expression of rapt attention on his monkey face。 There's enough of the Doc to make two or three good targets； but I sidled out of the line of fire all the same。
〃。。。 the smitten monarch engaged royal tutors of all sorts； to no avail；〃 the Doc was saying。 〃Artists； musicians； philosophers； scientists and mathematicians failed alike to engage the attention of the witless concubine； whose only apparent interest was in gathering pollen。 At last the embarrassed Richard gave her up as hopeless and had some Rotenone slipped into her soup。 As he exclaimed to this prime minister later that night； ‘I can lead a horticulture but I can't make her think！'〃 The Doc's poker face was perfect。
And in the terrible pause that ensued； before Eddie could trigger the extinguisher； a clear； sweet； contralto voice asked； 〃What sort of flower was she？〃 and every head in the place swung toward the door like weathervanes in a windstorm。
And there she was。
She was a big woman； but none of it was extra； and she stood framed in the doorway with an easy grace that a ballerina might have envied。 Her hair was long and straight； the color of polished obsidian。 Her skin was fair without being pale； and she wore a long … sleeved； highnecked dress of royal purple that brushed sawdust from the floor。 She was pretty enough to make … a preacher kick a hole in a stained … glass window。
She fielded the bined stares of a couple dozen goggle…eyed males with no effort at all； a half…smile playing at the corners of her mouth； and I had the distinct feeling that we could all have turned into three…headed tree frogs without disturbing her posure in the least。 Perhaps that was why our own posure was so manifestly smithereened and scattered to the four winds … but I'm more inclined to think it was the one…two sledgehammer punch of； A woman in Callahan's？ followed by the equally startling； Why the hell not？ What shocked us the most was that we had no idea why we should be so shocked。 Like opening a ginger ale and finding Jamesons' inside： nothing wrong with it； but it sort of takes you by surprise。
Doc Webster tried unsuccessfully to clear his throat； his poker face was now royally flushed。 〃I。。。 uh；〃 he stammered； 〃don't know what kind of。。。 uh。。。 flower she was； young lady。〃
A grin stuck red lips back from perfect teeth。 〃I just thought；〃 she said clearly； 〃that the king might be suffering from fuchsia shock。〃
There was a pause； and the soft； subtle sound of eyeballs glazing： you can only absorb so much at once。 But Callahan rose magnificently to the occasion。
〃Sure and begonia；〃 he breathed。
〃Oh；〃 she gasped； and blinked。 〃Perhaps I shouldn't be here。 I didn't realize this was an Iris bar。〃
Long…Drink choked； spraying Bushmill's like a sixfoot…seven aerosol。 And suddenly we were all roaring； hooting； rocking with laughter； the kind that leaves your eyes wet and your sides sore。 The timbers rang with merriment； a happy release of tension。
〃Lord； lord；〃 the Doc gasped； wiping his eyes and clutching at his ample belly； 〃nobody's made a straight man out of me in twenty years。 Whoooo … ee！〃 He shook his head ruefully； still chuckling。
〃Lady；〃 said Callahan； a world of meaning in the words； 〃you'll do。〃 There was respect in his whiskey baritone； and a strange； deep satisfaction。 She acknowledged the former with a nod and stepped into the room。
The bar had been crowded； but by the time she reached it she had enough room to park a truck； and a wide choice of seats。 She picked one and sat gracefully； making a small noise of surprise and delight。 〃I never thought I'd see an armchair this tall；〃 she said to Callahan； setting her purse on the bar。
〃I don't believe in bar stools；〃 Callahan explained。 〃A man should be fortable when he drinks。〃
〃A man？〃 she asked pointedly。
〃Oh； a woman ought to be fortable all the time；〃 he agreed solemnly。 〃Hey； Eddie？〃
〃Yeah； boss？〃
〃You want to open a window？ I think I smell bra smoke。 〃
She reddened。
I looked at Eddie； was surprised to see a glare instead of a grin。 Migod； I thought crazily。 Fast Eddie has been smit。 It didn't seem possible； ever since his wife divorced him a few years back； Eddie had been a confirmed loner。
〃Touché；〃 she conceded at last。 〃I had no call to criticize your speech patterns。 I'm sorry。〃
〃No problem；〃 Callahan assured her。 〃My name's Mike。〃 He stuck out a big calloused hand。
She shook it gravely。 〃I am Rachel。〃
〃What'll it be； Rachel？〃
〃Bourbon； please。〃
Callahan nodded； turned around and began mixing I。 W。 Harper and ice cubes in the proper proportions。 She opened her purse； removed a wallet from it and pulled out a five…dollar bill； and I found that I was talking。
〃I'm afraid you can't use that fin in here； Rachel。〃 It felt strange not to be paralyzed。
She turned to me； and I saw her eyes for the first time close up； and I felt my tongue being retired tighter than ever。 I don't know how to describe those eyes except to say that they looked impossibly old； older than eyes could be。 There was some p