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tood what had happened； I surely didn't understand why it had hit him as hard as it obviously had。 Being able to read minds had no drawback that my nine…year…old mind could see； I sure didn't know much about human nature。 But I was trying hard to empathize with my big brother。
〃That's the only explanation I have for what occurred。 Because as Paul reached the terrible climax of his story； for one split second a shutter opened … and like a camera plate； my child's mind was imprinted with the total contents of the mind of my brother。
〃It lasted only that split second； and it faded about as fast as a flashbulb … burst from two feet away； the impact was over quickly； but the blinding afterimage seared my brain for many seconds more。 I screamed。 Several times。 Instantly our positions were reversed； and Paulie was holding me； restraining my hands。 He knew at once what had happened； and the grim set of his jaw said that he had been expecting it for years now。
〃'It's over；' he barked； ‘Jimmy listen tome； it's over。 It won't happen again for months； maybe years。'〃
〃It wasn't what he said but the pure joyous relief of how far away his voice sounded that cut through my child's terror and brought me back from the edge of hysteria。 Why； Paulie was miles away … at least a foot！ And there were forting walls of bone； cartilage and skin … and blessed empty air！ … between us。 I calmed down； and Paulie held me tightly in his arms and in savage whispers explained to me what I was； what had happened to us； and what I could expect from now on。 He had hoped； he said； that I would be spared because my maternal genes were different from his； he explained genetics to me； as well as it can be explained to a nine … year … old； and he told me what a mutant was。 He told me how much easier to bear the telepathic flashes would bee； and he told me how much easier they would not bee。 He told me how often to expect the onslaught （‘flashing；' he called it）； and advised me on how to avoid flashing by avoiding sentient beings as much as possible。 I suppose you could say it was the end of my childhood。 I knew that four years later； when my father haltingly undertook to explain the Facts of Life to me； they came as a helluvan anticlimax。
〃I suppose that next landmark in the story is the night my father and I found Paul collapsed across my mother in the living room； the lamp that had crushed her skull still clenched in his hand； but I don't think I want to talk about that now。 They took Paul away that night； like a sack of sugar； and hauled him off to King's Park； pletely catatonic。 He's been that way ever since； and as far as I can tell he never flashed again。 Or anything。
〃That was fourteen years ago。〃
Callahan had been refilling his glass as he talked； but MacDonald spilled this one over half the table。 He drank the rest as fast as it could pour and shut up。
〃I get it；〃 Fast Eddie said after a while。 〃Yer afraid de same t'ing is gonna happen to you。〃
〃Jesus；〃 Doc Webster said in an undertone behind me； 〃lie's just about due。〃 I did some rapid mental calculation； and turned pale。
〃No； Eddie；〃 I said aloud。 〃Jim's overdue。 Unless。。。〃 I let it trail off。
MacDonald grinned hideously； shook his head。 〃No； friend； I haven't killed anyone yet。。。 though I wouldn't care to make any predictions for tomorrow。 No； my pattern didn't follow Paul's after all。 Not precisely； that is。 For one thing； I never was an instant echo。
〃I waited all through adolescence for the next flash； and when it hadn't e by the time I graduated high school I dared to begin to hope that I was different。 By sophomore year of college； I'd shoved the fear back into the far corners of my mind； and convinced myself that my one fleeting experience had been a freak； perhaps Paul sending instead of receiving for once。
〃In Junior year it hit again； in the middle of a party。 I was paralyzed。 There were twenty…one people there； and for one awful second I was sure my head would burst from overcrowding。 I learned more about human nature that night than I had in the previous twenty years； and I very nearly died。 I passed out eventually； but not before I'd gained an undeserved reputation as an acidhead； and lost my girlfriend。
〃From that point on； they started ing again and again。 The next flash was six months later； the next four and a half； then five； then three； then I stopped keeping track。 Right now I'd guess they hit every day or so； but I'm not sure。 I can't tell you an awful lot about the time between them。〃 His head dropped。
〃Why do you suppose your pattern was different from your brother's； Jim？〃 Doc Webster asked。
〃I'm not sure；〃 MacDonald repeated without looking up。 〃Maybe the different heredity； maybe random chance。〃
〃Perhaps；〃 I put in； 〃it was getting your first jolt so much younger than Paul did。 Maybe the trauma hit you so young you hadn't e to accept limits on your mind yet； and your subconscious whipped up some kind of defense that lasted as long as the trauma did。〃
〃Maybe so；〃 MacDonald said； glancing up at me with hopeless eyes。 〃But if it did； it's forgotten how to do it again。 And my conscious doesn't know the trick。〃 He giggled。 〃I haven't even improved on Paul's trick with the rock。〃 The giggle dissolved into hysterical laughter； the table danced； and his glass shattered on the floor。
Callahan's broad hand caught him open…palm across the cheek； rocking him in his chair。 His laughter cut off； and his shoulders slumped for a second。 Then he sat up very straight and stuck his hand out soberly。 Callahan shook it gravely and produced a full glass of beer from nowhere； MacDonald took a grateful sip。
〃I suppose I should say； ‘Thank you； I needed that；' Mister。。。 uh。。。〃
Callahan told him his name。
〃。。。 Mr。 Callahan； but to tell you the truth I almost think I'd rather do it myself。〃 He looked around at the rest of us and his face went all to pieces and he buried his head in his arms。 〃Oh； Jesus！〃
〃Listen； Jim；〃 Tommy Janssen spoke up quickly； 〃what the hell did you do after that party？ I mean； dig； you couldn't stay in school； right？ Too many people； flip you right out。 What did you do； go home and bee a loner like Paul？〃
MacDonald spoke listlessly。 〃I tried； brother； I tried。 I went home and told my father everything … why his second wife had died； and what Paul was； and what I was … and that night he got up to get a drink and water and dropped dead in the bathroom。
〃Thank God I didn't flash that。
〃I got out fast after that … I got a flash of the man who ran the funeral home that almost did make me a murderer。 So I took off； and got myself the only job I was suited for。 〃
〃Lighthouse？〃 Chuck Samms guessed。
〃Nope。 No openings； there almost never are。 But the Forestry Service can always use fire…lookouts who don't mind isolation。 Miles from anybody in a well…stocked cabin with nothing to do but watch the forest spread out below you。 I even got lucky； the area I drew averaged thirty…five days of rain every summer； so I got to sleep late a lot。 On hot days in Oregon you get to stand a twelve…hour watch。
〃God； it was peaceful。〃 He was talking freely now。 〃I thin